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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My Birthday Party his Football

150 replies

SKK01 · 05/02/2019 11:27

Hi, am I been unreasonable. I am looking at having my birthday party but DH says it clashes with a weekend when he was planning on taking the kids to Wembley to watch the football. The party isn’t on my birthday it’s a few weeks later, DH thinks that I should move the date for my party as the date for the football is fixed. I have said no, he has said that both him and the kids will therefore be going to the football, as it’s not everyday you get to go to Wembley with your kids to watch your team play. Should I compromise and move the date, or dig my heels in and see what he chooses.

OP posts:

hammeringinmyhead · 05/02/2019 11:44

Change it. Are you just being stubborn because it's football?

Quartz2208 · 05/02/2019 11:45

I assume it would be a cup match - just move the party why do you want that date. If it’s to force the point about what he will choose why?

cstaff · 05/02/2019 11:47

If it is not organised already change it and everyone can then go to everything that is on. Why make it more complicated. Are you just looking for a row.

punishmepunisher · 05/02/2019 11:48

Surely the most sensible thing would be to arrange your party avoiding that specific date, so your family do not miss out on either?

It would be a pretty bog deal for their Dad to be able to take them to Wembly to see their team. Why would you want them to miss out on that if you could avoid it?

Original poster

SKK01 · 05/02/2019 11:49

I’ve always put DH and his wishes 1st. I want to finally do something for myself. I feels kids will enjoy either. DH has always put himself 1st and not always treated me well. Always put me second in his priorities. So I wanted to see what choice he made again this time.

OP posts:

whiteworld · 05/02/2019 11:50

If the party isn't on your actual bday anyway, then move it!
(Would your dc like to watch footy at Wembley with Daddy?)

punishmepunisher · 05/02/2019 11:50

I feels kids will enjoy either

But why wouldn't you want them to enjoy both?

It sounds like you're trying to spite your DP and force his hand.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/02/2019 11:51

So you purposely orchestrated an argument? Mature.

If he booked it ON your birthday then he would be unreasonable.

Here you're just being petty.

PentreBachCymraeg · 05/02/2019 11:52

Back story?

TotHappy · 05/02/2019 11:52

What will you do if he chooses the wrong one?!

Mintychoc1 · 05/02/2019 11:53

Reverse?

Quartz2208 · 05/02/2019 11:53

But he will choose the football you know that

So you have your answer anyway

MysweetAudrina · 05/02/2019 11:53

Why would you organise your party for a day that doesn't suit your dh and kids. Don't make this into something it's not. It would be different if it was something that you could not get out of attending and he was refusing to compromise on. This is just becoming about a battle of wills and you are going to decide that he prefers football to you. Just go with a different date for the party why is it such a big deal for you?

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 05/02/2019 11:53

Birthday party? Are you 8??

myrtleWilson · 05/02/2019 11:53

So you've set this up just to test him then?

Notwiththeseknees · 05/02/2019 11:53

Yes, game-playing always ends well.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/02/2019 11:53

So you did it deliberately as test to see what he would choose?
Kinda backfired didn’t it?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/02/2019 11:54

Also if this is an example of him always putting you second I'm not surprised.

HoppingPavlova · 05/02/2019 11:54

I want to finally do something for myself.

But you can do something for yourself, on a different date, especially given the one you have picked is not even your birthday. Or you can deliberately cause drama.

We have a different football code but no way would I think about booking anything on dates where there is a possibility of a team playing in finals. I wouldn’t go but DH and one of the kids would.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2019 11:55

Oh dear. If you’re not happy with your husband then talk to him about it. Don’t mess around playing games by trying to organise something on a day he already has plans to prove a point. You know you’ll lose and be disappointed! And don’t put your kids in a horrible position either. Issues between you and your husband are just that, why drag your children into them and try to make them choose. That’s awful.

RightOnTheEdge · 05/02/2019 11:55

So your just playing games and doing it to spite him?
YAB VERY U! And childish.
Why punish your children too?
Move your birthday party and grow up.

MortyVicar · 05/02/2019 11:56

SKK I get your frustration, given your update, but you've chosen the wrong time to do it. He has good justification on this occasion, when your party is nowhere near your actual birthday. In fact it sounds like you're only doing it to prove a point.

If you want him to treat you better, this isn't the way. if you want him to choose the football because you're fed up and it would be the final straw that made you feel justified in leaving, this isn't the way either.

Presumably you've talked to him but nothing changes. Have you tried doing things for you because you genuinely want to, rather than for gamesmanship reasons? What happens then?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/02/2019 11:56

So you purposely orchestrated an argument?

I don't mean to be rude but that's how I read this situation too. Of all the other dates available in the weeks leading up to and after your birthday you choose this one because you knew he had plans.

You can change the date of the part he cannot change the date of the football game. In this situation you should compromise so both you, your husband and the children can enjoy both events.

If this is an ongoing issue of you feeling his wishes are always a priority choose another time to have that discussion, this is not the hill you should be dying on.

mrsm43s · 05/02/2019 11:59

Sounds like you are deliberately being spiteful.

TBH if my DH deliberately booked something to test and inconvenience me, I wouldn't be putting their selfish plans first. I'd carry on with what I had already planned to do and ignore their nastiness.

Take a good long long at yourself. You are being unkind, deliberately trying to cause an argument and upset your husband and children. What a nasty thing to do.

Book your party on your birthday, and not on a weekend that your DH and children already have provisional commitments.

Nottobesoldseparately · 05/02/2019 11:59

Move your party.

I can't stand football, but even I know how important Wembley is.

Even with your update, YABU. It's not your actual birthday (I would have sympathy for that) and you haven't actually booked anything.

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