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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stand my ground on not leaving the baby alone?

116 replies

genericmumsy · 05/02/2019 10:51

Hey,

This morning my husband wants to go to the Tesco up the road (about 5 mins away if you run, across a couple of busy roads) to withdraw a small amount of money that we used from the rent we had out pay my parents.

I'm at work and he is home alone with our 1 year old daughter, who is still asleep in her cot.
He can't be bothered waking/dressing/feeding her to go out, and asked if I would be ok with him running up by himself. I said no as I'm not ok with him leaving her alone in the house for so long. What if something happened? What if there was a fire? What if something happened to him? Etc etc.

He has spent the last hour and a half doing literally nothing but complaining that he can't do anything and can't get anything done, and that he's so stressed about the money (I've told him that my parents won't mind at all.. it hasn't helped. I think they would be offended if they knew he did that for that reason.) - Seriously just sitting around and telling me every so often how many times he could have gone by now.

Am I being unreasonable for not relenting and telling him to go?

Frankly there have been a lot of rude things I've been tempted to say to him today.

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 05/02/2019 10:56

As much as I was similarly tempted to nip to Tesco while my son was asleep as a baby (and ours is two minutes away!) I’m with you on that one. Surely she’s awake and dressed now and he can just pop her in her buggy? It’s a lovely day for a walk anyway!

CalmdownJanet · 05/02/2019 10:56

No fucking way! Tell the lazy prick to cop on, I can't believe he would even consider it to be honest, definitely stick to your guns

Babyboysarenowbig · 05/02/2019 10:56

He’s a twat. Simple as that. I’d be afraid to leave my child in future- could he do something like that without telling you instead? Bloody hope not though!

Original poster
genericmumsy · 05/02/2019 11:07

Nope kierenthecommunity! She's asleep in her sleepsuit. He is a stay at home dad but he does not wake her in the mornings and would likely be unhappy with me if I woke and dressed her before I left for work as he would not be able to relax the way he likes.

It is a long, arduous, stressful process to him. So he is just sitting waiting for her to wake up before he does anything, and indirectly blaming me for the fact he's done nothing with his morning.

His words: "love her to pieces but she's a fucking shackle right now"

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 05/02/2019 11:12

Honestly OP, it sounds like you may have bigger problems here. I totally agree with you by the way. It doesn’t sound like he is happy as a SAHD full stop given he called your child a shackle

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/02/2019 11:13

Well your certainly not being unreasonable. Whilst it is only a few minutes away if something happened to him whilst he was out your poor daughter could be home alone for hours before anyone knew she was there.

On a separate note however how on earth is your 1 year old still asleep at 11am in the morning?

ErictheGuineaPig · 05/02/2019 11:16

He needs to grow the fuck up. He's literally complaining about one of the most basic elements of being a parent. Of course he can no longer just nip out when he wants. He can't make this your fault. It's like moaning at you because he has to change a nappy. Is there really nothing he can do while he's waiting? No housework? I'd be giving him a list..

kierenthecommunity · 05/02/2019 11:16

What’s her sleeping routine like if she is still asleep at this time? Is this usual?

HenweeArcher · 05/02/2019 11:17

If it was next door, I’d probably do it but 5 minutes away across two busy roads? No way.

What time does DD go to bed OP? Could you think about getting her to bed earlier so she’d be up earlier? I’m not really sure why if it’s that close he couldn’t just pop her in the pushchair in her pjs with a snack and crack on tbh.

Jellyfloodagain · 05/02/2019 11:20

Has she not woken up at all this morning? I would be concerned with her sleeping so long unless it's a nap. He is being very unreasonable wanting to leave her alone.

youngestisapsycho · 05/02/2019 11:20

Has she been asleep all night and is still sleeping now?

CalmdownJanet · 05/02/2019 11:20

A shackle? Sitting around doing feck all waiting for her to wake? Sorry but he has no business being a sahd, his attitude is utterly shit

endofthelinefinally · 05/02/2019 11:21

I am sure there are plenty of things he could be getting on with.
Maybe he could put the news on and watch the video of the fire in the apartment block in Paris.
Those poor people had no warning or time to get out.
He sounds awful.

Kewcumber · 05/02/2019 11:21

Are you his mother?! He sounds like a teen parent who needs to be told you can't leave a one year old in a house on their own for any amount of time.

And that's pretty offensive to teen parents who are probably way more competent.

How on earth do you manage to fancy such a helpless adult enough to make a baby with them? I was a lone parent and I'd take that anyday over dealing with Mr Whiney Clueless.

Awfulwoman · 05/02/2019 11:27

you know that it is illegal for him to do this?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/02/2019 11:29

So your DD is still asleep at 11am because your DH likes to sit around and watch TV until 11am, then moan he hasn't had time to do anything?

I'm a SAHM and by 11am (with an awake and demanding pre-schooler), I've got two children ready for school, done the school run, got the washing on, dishwasher unloaded and reloaded and usually have put something in the slow cooker for dinner. I'm about to get up from having a spot of time MNing and drinking tea to do our lunches before nursery. What on earth is he doing?

JaniceBattersby · 05/02/2019 11:30

Surely he can find some stuff to around the house while she sleeps? Christ, I’d have killed for any of my four non-sleepers to be asleep in the mornings so I could have cracked the fuck on with the housework.

endofthelinefinally · 05/02/2019 11:32

He is lazy and disorganised by the sound of it.
When mine slept I was working at top speed to get indoor jobs done.
Shopping, bank etc was done once they were up, dressed and fed.
I never had time in the day to sit around.

DeadButDelicious · 05/02/2019 11:34

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I'm a SAHM and having to take your kid everywhere with you is just part of the deal. It's irresponsible and unsafe to just leave your sleeping child alone in the house because getting her dressed is too much hassle. Do I miss just being able to just pop out to the shop? Yes. Would I even consider what your husband has suggested? Not in a million years.

Honestly, I would be reconsidering my childcare options. He isn't safe. She's not a shackle. She's a tiny baby.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/02/2019 11:37

YANBU!

As you say - there could be a fire, she could be sick and chol=ke on her vomit, HE could get run over and then that baby is alone in the house and no-one even knows . .

. . . there is no end of things that could happen.

YOU NEVER LEAVE A BABY ALONE!

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2019 11:38

If you're not there how do you know he's not doing anything? And why not wake her up?

Tinty · 05/02/2019 11:38

A shackle? Sitting around doing feck all waiting for her to wake? Sorry but he has no business being a sahd, his attitude is utterly shit.

Surely this is a SAHP dream morning? What are you doing to your Dbaby that she is still asleep at 11 am? My lovely babies would be up at night 2 or 3 times and still up raring to go at 7 am for one 5 am for the the other. I had often walked 5 miles with the 5 am waker by 9 am. He was having his 2nd breakfast at 11 am. Grin

I would have loved to have a baby who slept during the day so I may be biased even just for one day.

Tinty · 05/02/2019 11:43

Are your parents coming to collect the rent on the dot of 12? If not then surely it can wait until baby is awake. And if they are, then one of them can sit with baby whilst he runs to Tesco then.

Does he smoke? is he really wanting to run to Tesco for cigarettes or something?

SilverBirchTree · 05/02/2019 11:44

Oh my god, of course he can't go out leaving the baby at home.

Why doesn't he use his time effectively while she sleeps? Do you come home to a clean house and a cooked meal @genericmumsy ?

Why is he a SAHP if he hates it and you don't seem thrilled about it either.

Bythebeach · 05/02/2019 11:44

What 1 year old sleeps in until 11am??!!!! The day is nearly half done for lots of kids that age! What time does she go to bed.

As for her father, he’s an irresponsible twat and my blood would be boiling.

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