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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stand my ground on not leaving the baby alone?

116 replies

genericmumsy · 05/02/2019 10:51

Hey,

This morning my husband wants to go to the Tesco up the road (about 5 mins away if you run, across a couple of busy roads) to withdraw a small amount of money that we used from the rent we had out pay my parents.

I'm at work and he is home alone with our 1 year old daughter, who is still asleep in her cot.
He can't be bothered waking/dressing/feeding her to go out, and asked if I would be ok with him running up by himself. I said no as I'm not ok with him leaving her alone in the house for so long. What if something happened? What if there was a fire? What if something happened to him? Etc etc.

He has spent the last hour and a half doing literally nothing but complaining that he can't do anything and can't get anything done, and that he's so stressed about the money (I've told him that my parents won't mind at all.. it hasn't helped. I think they would be offended if they knew he did that for that reason.) - Seriously just sitting around and telling me every so often how many times he could have gone by now.

Am I being unreasonable for not relenting and telling him to go?

Frankly there have been a lot of rude things I've been tempted to say to him today.

OP posts:

Dimsumlosesum · 05/02/2019 13:18

When mine were babies, no. I have once when it was night time now they're older - ran 5 mins down to local shop for paracetamol. Then straight home.

minmooch · 05/02/2019 13:20

Your husband was will big to put his daughters life at risk by leaving her unattended in the house whilst he popped out.

He calls her a fucking shackle?

I'm sorry but I think you are completely underplaying this.

Your gut reaction was that this was the wrong thing for him to do. You have now talked yourself around.

In the news today there have been two fires where 10 people have died in Paris, and 4 children in a house in the uk. And both had adults in the buildings.

Part and parcel of being a parent is waiting for the children to wake up/go to sleep/go to soft play/be poorly/be fed/clothed/washed. A huge part of it is boring. But the beauty of being able to parent should not be so dismissed as a 'shackle'.

I would be extremely concerned about your husband and his ability to parent safely.

Topseyt · 05/02/2019 13:28

Honestly, if I needed to go out to the shops when mine were that age I just put my baby in the buggy, asleep or not, and simply went. I never left them alone while I was out. I was always within earshot at least. They had to come with me whether they liked it or not and I even got sleeping babies out of the cot if necessary. I promise they have not suffered for it.

Yes, they are a shackle, but you aren't actually shackled to the house. You take the shackle out with you when you go on errands. I did. That's what he should be doing rather than moaning. Just getting on with it.

Butterfly84 · 05/02/2019 13:49

It would take ten minutes to sort the baby out and get her in the pram. And it would be fresh air for her. It's actually a bit weird that he doesn't want to take her with him. Does he usually dress her or do you just do it?

Quartz2208 · 05/02/2019 13:59

At best OP your husband sounds like he is struggling with it all - if he were a woman I would say he had PND and that the other parent needs to step in and help him (one way for example to give him the time of with a childminder)

MumMumMum1 · 05/02/2019 14:11

I wouldn’t leave the baby, common sense says they’d still be asleep when you got home, 5 minutes later & fine but the ‘what if’ would stop me. BUT I am seriously shocked at the abuse this guy is getting... I have a friend (Mum) who’s baby around 2 years goes to bed with her & wakes up with her 11-11ish? Is it ideal? Probably not. Does she love her son? More than anything! Is it abuse? No! Give the guy a break! Being a SAHP is fucking tough man or woman. The OP has no concerns about the welfare of her child & im sure she knows her husband better than a bunch of people online after reading one sodding thread!

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 15:07

Minmoouch, I didn't see nothing beautiful in spending 30 minutes prepping baby to leave the house. Nothing. So yes, she was a shackle. A beautiful shackle, but a shackle nonetheless.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/02/2019 17:02

She claimed she did HeadsDown, but we gad our doubts.

She was 15 when she got pregnant. Her parents put her out (though gave her support when the council housed her). I know there was hell on at one point when SIL went round there one night, and found the baby asleep and no sign of niece. She didn't come back until early hours of the morning. Turned out she was regularly leaving the baby and going clubbing.

She kept that baby, but had another a year so later that she put up for adoption. She's turned out okay in the long run though - she was lucky enough to meet and marry a really nice lad.

minmooch · 05/02/2019 17:28

@Donmesswime all of us who have had children have had to get a child/children ready to leave the house. It's just part and parcel of having children. A lot of parenting is boring and hard. We all know that. And a bigger part is wonderful.

But to refer to your child as a 'shackle' is simply horrible.

The op's partner could be doing so much whilst waiting for his daughter to wake. There is no need, absolutely no need, to put her at risk. If it was that urgent he could have just picked her up and taken her with him. It is that simple.

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:21

A ball and chain might be more accurate to be fair.

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:22

Try telling the next SAHM who complains about not getting anything done about how MUCH she could be doing while the baby is asleep. Prepare to have your head severed. Slowly and painfully.

minmooch · 05/02/2019 19:46

@Donmesswime was that aimed at me? That was unnecessary.

I've been a sahm with both my children. I know there are times when you don't do much, when you are too exhausted. I know there are also times when you can do things.

I had to stay at home with my eldest child as he died a long slow death from brain cancer. I hardly left the hospital or home during his illness. I know how hard life can be with children.

I also know the joy, thankfully.

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 21:01

minmooch. I'm sorry for your loss.

GabsAlot · 06/02/2019 20:14

how are u selfish op for telling him some common sense?

sorry hes not well but it was a stupd thing to even think

Dimsumlosesum · 06/02/2019 21:09

Try telling the next SAHM who complains about not getting anything done about how MUCH she could be doing while the baby is asleep

WeWantJustice · 06/02/2019 21:14

You're in total denial about what a huge problem you've got OP.

Telling yourself that you've been selfish to tell him to be a responsible adult and look after his child properly, is you preparing to let him gamble with her safety.

Stop it. Wise up.

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