To try cry it out method

[loveskaka]

I have tried everything to get my wee one to sleep through, nothing is working! I am considering trying cio but would like to hear some stories on your experiences. I did say I wouldn't do it but I am up at 6am for work really struggling now. Pls help!

No one can prepare you for these decisions. No one would ever think that you would be split between allowing them to cry or not getting enough sleep.

Give it a go. You can stop if you don't like it. My own opinion is that teaching a baby to have a good night's sleep is just as important as helping them walk or talk. I wouldn't do CIO but I have done controlled crying although very little as my children weren't too bad with sleeping. Cut yourself some slack. Everyone needs sleep.

I did CIO - it was a recognised method back in the day.
2 nights of pure hell but then all was good.
I had to do it way earlier though as I was going back to work when DD was 3 months old.
I know now though, that it's not good at all and I'd certainly not try it.
Controlled crying is worth a go though.

I had neglectful parents so could never do CIO with my child. My sister however did it with my nephews, I thought it was barbaric.

YANBU to try it. We did it with DS around 10 months and it took a couple of nights but he didn't cry for very long - a few minutes then settled. Not sure if I'd have continued with it if had got very distressed. No harm in trying.

I used CIO with my first and it worked after two nights age 11 months.

I’ve tried everything with DS2 and absolutely no method works. Co sleeping, CIO, controlled crying, sleeping on the floor in his room. He turned 3 last week. I’ve given up on sleep and go to work exhausted every day

NoParticularPattern

Completely agree with you

My DCs were sleep trained because I decided that few nights of crying, while checking the baby was ok at regular intervals, was worth it for my family to get proper sleep. I hated hearing my children cry but I was a much better parent, partner and worker when less exhausted.

Mumsnet is very judgemental about controlled crying but it worked well for us.

I only ever advise parents to leave a child to cry as a last resort and never for long periods. I am pro sleep training though and also before 6 months.
You say you have tried other gentle methods but what have you tried. At 13 months I would normally advise some sort of gradual retreat. For the first week I’d normally get the parent to put the child down drowsy but awake and then stay by the cot offering any comfort but not picking up. The baby will normally cry but cortisol, the stress hormone is not significantly raised when the baby can see the parent. After the baby gets used to this I would normally advise moving further away from the cot each night or pottering around in the room folding clothes and popping in or out.

I think the key thing is there is screaming crying and whinging crying. I think a screaming baby probably isn't ready for sleep training. Letting a baby whinge for a few minutes before falling asleep is very different to leave a baby to scream before falling asleep from exhaustion.

SnuggyBuggy if there is screaming distressed crying we don’t advise against sleep training but it would be sitting by a child’s cot stroking them and singing to them. If a whinging cry we mights suggest that it’s ok to leave them and listen in from outside the door.

At 13 months I 100% would. They will benefit from a full nights sleep too and you will all be sorted in a week if you stick to it. No healthy child of that age NEEDS a night feed of any description. There is a lot of nonsense on mumsnet apart controlled crying, wouldn’t let it worry you. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk it through

@loveskaka there is absolutely no way you will still be co-sleeping at 3/4/5. As soon as they hit 2 years or so you can reason with them:

'Mummy will stay for a bit then is going to make her tea because she's hungry'

'Mummy is here but you need to go back to sleep because it's night time and we're all tired'

Etc.

This has worked with my youngest who was up every 2 hours for months and months. My eldest magically started sleeping through at 14 months and has ever since.

there is absolutely no way you will still be co-sleeping at 3/4/5. As soon as they hit 2 years or so you can reason with them

Er, my sister still co sleeps with my six year old nephew.

Controlled crying worked for us within 3 nights. Both kids are brilliant sleepers and never wake in the night. I don’t get why you would endure years of sleep deprivation (you will suffer and your kids will suffer).

I agree, as parents we need to teach good sleeping habits as much as we need to provide any other basic parenting. A child waking up and screaming (for no obvious reason) for years is far worse than a few night of controlled crying.

Babies/children/adults all go through sleep cycles. We will all wake at the end of these sleep cycles. It’s so important that a baby can self soothe and fall back to sleep without crying.

I was a staunch believer in cry it out and it "fixed" both my babies sleep but it is my biggest parenting regret. I was so desperate for a "good" baby and to sleep properly myself but i think for ny eldest it has caused issues.

I really think there is no need to do controlled crying or cio. Gentle sleep methods may take longer but they usually have just as much success.

@3WdOnes, I cant comment on anyone elses sleep training but I could honestly see mine just screaming for hours on end even if I was in the room comforting her. I'm not saying never but we aren't ready for that yet.

After two children and 6 years of sleep deprivation I have caused lasting damage to my health. Burn out and a thyroid condition that requires long term treatment. My children were terrible. We still co sleep.

I have never heard that it was common for babies to sleep through from 3 months. But given the impact on my health, I see why.

🥴

If that happens then we go back a step and only change a tiny part of their normal routine. But there will normally still be some crying as the routine has changed. Cortisol levels don’t rise in the same way when a parent is present though.
Obviously if you’re ok with your current routine and not feeling too sleep deprived then there is no reason to change anything.

Piglets I'm sorry you're so poorly. But who told you your thyroid condition is a direct result of sleep deprivation?

We did the gradual retreat method at 7 months and on the first night DD went from waking up twelve times per night to waking twice; thereafter once until she cracked solid food and slept through.
She was so unhappy and tired before. Now she lies down happily and waits to fall asleep.
My SIL cosleeps with her 8 year old so I wouldn’t assume that it will work itself out.

@Namestheyareachangin

Due to a burn out (lack of sleep/ going back to work and having given birth twice in just under two years - generally a lot of life changes too - my father died and I moved countries).

My adrenal glands are one issue. I have Hashimoto and have to take medication daily.

My parents, for various reasons, were neglectful and like a previous poster it has left me totally unwilling to leave children to cry.My hairdresser once asked me why I have a massive scar on the back of my head and when I asked my mother she reminded me that I'd been left crying, climbed out if my cot and split my skull open on the metal leg of the cot. All v unlikely to occur but I do have memories of that incident and It's not something I'd wish on my children.

I really think there is no need to do controlled crying or cio. Gentle sleep methods may take longer but they usually have just as much success

Another one who thinks they can speak for all babies

Gentle methods didn't work for my son. Weeks and weeks of crying and stress.

CC worked in 2 days and caused far less upset for him. I just wish I'd done it sooner.