To try cry it out method

[loveskaka]

I have tried everything to get my wee one to sleep through, nothing is working! I am considering trying cio but would like to hear some stories on your experiences. I did say I wouldn't do it but I am up at 6am for work really struggling now. Pls help!

@loveskaka

I've posted this on a similar thread so sorry if I'm repeating myself.

Make sure baby had a full tummy from tea-time. Bath, bedroom, cuddles, story, milk. Try not to let fall asleep on breast. Put into bed. Leave room. If or when starts to cry try this:

After 10 seconds of crying: go in. Stroke and gently pat. Say shh shh it's time for sleeping now. Lie down. Shh shh. Night night. Leave.

If crying starts again, go in after 20 seconds. Stroke gently, Shh shh, shh shh, night night. Leave

Next, go in at 30 seconds and then keep doubling the time you wait until you go in, and lessen the noises and touches, until you're just whispering shh shh by the door or not even making a sound.

I never let my babies cry out, so leaving mine for two minutes seemed like a lifetime, but after doing this routine for just two nights my beautiful little babster slept through in her own bed til midnight feed time, and went back in own bed til morning feed with no fuss at all.

Someone further up posted that they left their baby crying for 10/20 minutes. I believe that is way too long.

My friends are pretty much divided into those who did some form of controlled crying and those whose kids woke them all night long for years.

Do it, OP. Try the Kim West "Sleep Lady" book.

Yes, I really don't know why people who are so anti controlled crying think that you just leave your poor sick/teething baby alone to weep themselves to sleep. You really don't.

If my DS wakes and cries in the night I know full well that something's not right with him because due to the fact we sleep trained him he sleeps consistently through. If he's up it's because he's not well. Like the other night he woke at 2am, very fretful and sad. I immediately went to him, gave him a cuddle, then we got up and watched TV on the sofa for a bit as I 100% knew that he was not feeling well. About 5 minutes later he vomited everywhere. Next night, peacefully slept through all night as usual.

Once those three days of controlled crying were done, if he ever wakes at all in the night I know full well it's because he's ill or in pain, and he is never just left to cry.

I got sick and effing tired of people telling me I should just co-sleep. Not only do I hate sharing a bed (yes - with my husband too!!!), but DS hated it too. Thrashed around miserably, cried, just wanted to be back in his own bed.

@Namestheyareachangin

He wasn't screaming for twenty minutes at all. You've just taken that from my post and twisted it. I even said I would and could never listen to my baby cry for ages and not go in.

I went in after five minutes, then ten and so on. He wasn't screaming, just whinging and I would go in settle him back down and leave.

You were judging me so don't even say you weren't.

Oh and by the way my ds has been unwell for the past few weeks, and I've spent every single night he needs me cuddling him, having him in bed with me, being up all night etc. I'm not a bad parent for controlled crying.

You were judging me so don't even say you weren't.

Yeah those posts are just the best aren't they. Where they're like oh goodness poor tiny baby, I could never do it - oh but I'm not judging though.

Eyeroll.

I may sound harsh but don’t have children if you don’t expect sleepless nights for at least the first few months. It’s very very rare for a baby to sleep through the night in the first six months. Their tummies are tiny and they also seek comfort as well as food.

Crying is literally one of the only methods of communication they have with us since they can’t talk to tell us what is wrong. When they are crying, they want you to help them. Babies can’t emotionally manipulate you and they aren’t trying to torture you- they just want you to make them feel better. I know it’s utterly exhausting (trust me I have four DC of my own and the youngest is 14 weeks old) but you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it knowing they won’t be tiny forever and will eventually sleep. Try white noise, it’s always helped my four but please, please don’t leave them to cry.

I may sound harsh but don’t have children if you don’t expect sleepless nights for at least the first few months

I did expect sleepless nights for the first few months. For the first few years in fact. I'll tell you what I didn't expect - I didn't expect to be woken every twenty minutes for eight months and to feel suicidal from lack of sleep. HTH.

Controlled crying. Stayed in the same room and did intervals of 5, then 10, never got to 20. However no hysterics just fighting sleep and wanting to be held.
By three days he was sleeping straight through, it was a total transformation and wish I'd done it sooner. Like a PP mine was also a much happier baby after doing this.
He's 6 now and sleeps like a dream. Rarely gets up other than for a quick wee and he gets himself straight back into bed. I doubt he's traumatised, still comes to me for comfort when he's upset and is a happy little soul.
I would recommend this.

@Kittykat93

I'm sorry if you were offended - I understood from other posts and my own research (god knows I considered everything in the depths of sleep deprivation!) that the method with controlled crying is to gradually increase the duration of time you leave between returns - so I though you meant you left baby to cry for 5 mins, then came back, then left them for 10 mins, then came back, then for 20. that's how I got to 20. But I see you mean you went back every 5 minutes. I did once manage 3! But it was hard going.

I know it seems like I'm judging. And I suppose I am, but I don't mean to - seriously I fully empathise with the feeling you just. Can't. Go. On. Like. This. I have been there. And if a solution is bearable and seems effective, I can see why people might use it. I just couldn't find it bearable.

But again there's probably gradations. My baby was high needs and demanding in every way - wouldn't be put down, easily weepy, probably related to her late-discovered allergy - so with her there would be no 'grizzling', she would wake up properly crying and if I were to try to leave her before she was fully asleep she would escalate straight to screaming her head off.

So it's hard for me to imagine anything outside of that. Now she's older and her allergy is controlled, when she wakes up, she'll often just mumble "Mummy cuddle you" a few times and nod back off - so I take my time getting up and moving to her door, and often times she's off again before I have to go in. So maybe if she'd been that kind of sleepy, grizzly waker CC wouldn't seem so brutal to me.

I really don't want to judge other mums. People do things for all sorts of reasons. I don['t co-sleep any more even though I think it would be better for her, and I night weaned even though I didn't feel right about it, and I will wean fully soon even though in my ideal world she would self-wean, all because my relationship with her dad would not survive my going with my instincts fully on these things. So we all compromise to a degree. Again apologies I can see how i come across on this thread.

I can see why people resort to CC. DS is 5 months and a shit sleeper, I cant do this forever. I dont believe that my job is to cater to his every whim until he is 18. We all need a good sleep, DS included. Last night he woke up to sing for 30 mins. Good job he is bloody cute. I dont relish the idea but if it has to he done and he reacts well to it then so be it.

But the story of a baby being left to cry so much she fell asleep upright against the bars if her cot is the stuff of horror.

The sleep deprivation is like nothing I could have prepared myself for. Its beyond horrific

@Confusedbeetle

That's an impressive array of qualifications. Bet you don't charge £30 total for a consultation though, which is why I questioned the qualifications of the sleep consultant referenced in an earlier post.

But the story of a baby being left to cry so much she fell asleep upright against the bars if her cot is the stuff of horror

Now that is horrific!! Who would do that?

Thing is - it’s a trade off. We all know our babies better than anyone. OP, if you try sleep training I’m sure you’ll be able to tell early on if it’s going to go well! Your DS might grizzle or complain... and you will know as his mum whether he is seriously distressed or just slightly protesting. You will decide at that point if you want to carry on or not.
I reckon it really is that simple - some of us have babies who would be distressed and so we wouldn’t advocate it. Some of us have babies who handled it pretty well and so would recommend it.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP and I hope you all get some sleep!

Someone on this thread apparently!'

@mississippessly I have to respond because it was my daughter who fell asleep like that. I was so sad to read your "stuff from horror" line although I do understand why you'd think that. I explained in my post that I spent several months trying to get her to sleep using gentle methods, I brought her in to our bed many times, I slept on the hard floor next to her cot for WEEKS on end. I did gradual retreat. I tried everything! She was going through a phase where she simply didn't want to sleep. She wanted to play. She was not teething, not unwell. So when I tried gentle methods like getting her in our bed or sleeping on her floor she'd just bounce around laughing for hours. During these months she'd sleep only 2 or 3 hours a night. Can you imagine the effect this has on a 14 month old? She went from being happy, affectionate and playful to being an aggressive, angry and distressed toddler. The effect it had on me still haunts me! Believe me, this was the real stuff from horror. Seeing the transformation of my child. She desperately needed sleep but had just forgotten how to. It was the health visitor who told me I must do CC. Yes my daughter had one truly horrible night where she fell asleep slumped against the cot bars but this is one night in 8 years of life. She was not left screaming. I was there every few minutes telling her how much I loved her but she needed to sleep. The CC worked after one night and after a few nights of good sleep she was back to being my happy, content and funny little girl. I was back to being a functioning and happy human being again. It was worth it. I'd exhausted every other option and both my daughter and I were in a very bad state mentally and physically.

Sally I'm sorry. You are right I judged.

Sleep deprivation is shit. I'm glad you're in a better place. I hope I never have to make that call.

Thank you. It's a very emotive subject and I was 100% sure I'd never do it myself...

Well yeah but I was 100% sure I wouldn't cosleep. The big bed arrives tomorrow.

Everyone has a limit

@names theyare achanging

"That's an impressive array of qualifications. Bet you don't charge £30 total for a consultation though, which is why I questioned the qualifications of the sleep consultant referenced in an earlier post."

Thank you. No, I have always worked for the NHS so free to families. The beauty was that no two families need the same level of support. Some families 3-4 visits. Very occasionally 6 months, whatever it takes. I like a patient baby sensitive approach.
There are Health Visitors who are trained to the same level and it is worth asking your team. I took referrals from all the local health visitors and GPs in the area. There is a good base designed by a psychologist in Birmingham called the Solihull approach (eating sleeping etc) That I recommend if any of your local Health Visitors have had the training. Not sleep training as such but a brilliant way of seeing things from your child's point of view.

PS one poster spoke of the disappearing chair approach. This is excellent and very kind to both child and parent. This is one of the graded withdrawal methods.

I tried it once. Once. (Controlled crying, not CIO)

Couldn't hack it, I was sat on the top stair and couldn't listen to my DD crying any more. I lasted about 10 minutes.

I wouldn't recommend it but everyone finds different things that work for them.

I did this with my eldest - when he was over 2 and still waking several times I night. I explained what I was doing and why. First night he screamed for a very painful half an hour, next night for 15 minutes, third 5 minutes. Each night he slept through (or at least didn’t scream for me). The following night he went straight to sleep, and slept through and never woke during the night again !

Confusedbeetle
I’ve just looked up the Solihull approach online and notice you can do an online course... would you recommend it? My boy is 15 months old. I’m wondering if it’s worth doing?

Sorry to derail the thread...

Sallywd I would prefer to let my child cry than to see the effects of sleep exhaustion on them for a long duration.

I have looked after kids that repeatedly missed out on sleep and seen how much more quickly they developed once they had a nap. Sleep is a fundamental requirement in my view and you do whatever works for you to facilitate it & sometimes that is a compromise.

Liking the look of the Solihull method and your job sounds really interesting confusedbeetle