Aibu with SIL and wedding

[Chopbob]

Evening!
Just wanted to get a gauge on if I'm being waaaaaayyyy too sensitive (currently pmt ing) or if it's OK to feel the way I do.

Background is that neither DH or I are paticularly close to any of ILs mainly due to us being excluded quite a lot from family events. We have tried time and time again to have a better relationship with MIL, FIL, SIL and BIL x2, but they don't seem to enjoy family oriented activities and feel that we and our 3dc "cramp their style" (direct quote from MIL) on the occasions we try to do something adult and more to their liking (no other kids in the family). We are never invited on 'their' family holidays- we ask them to come with us and they say no. They can also be quite unkind with their criticism of me and the kids. DH will always stick up for us all but this causes more friction.

Even so I would still like to have a relationship with all of them because they are family and so we continue to try.

Fast forward to SIL wedding. She is adamant she wants the dc there and asked there a time of year that would suit us best and fit in with dcs at school. SIL and ILs live a very long distance from us, not a distance you could travel in a day. Initially I was quite surprised that 1. They wanted the dc there and 2. They were trying to make it easy to attend, but I thought we may have turned a corner with our relationship.

So... today.... wedding plans are out...
It's midweek
Mid term
VERY very short notice
Other end of the country
Totally unsuitable venue for children
But they all cannot wait to see the dcs

FFS. I'm quite pissed off.
Should I tell her to ram it or should I suck it up, leave the kids off school a few days with 'd and v' and go.

BTW this is the same SIL and future BIL who didn't even send us a card on our wedding day 😠

I'm sorry OP but getting up at 4am and spending a long, cold, shitty day around people that hate you just to fly home at the end of it with tired grumpy kids and then to top it all off, do the school run the next day? You can't even entertain this idea from him, it's utter madness

well, dh goes on his own, and says sadly to anyone who asks

Chopbob and kids would LOVE to be here, but we can't take kids out of school for 3 days mid week. Such a shame SIL chose this date after we gave them the school holiday dates (sad face)

That way they are shown up for who they really are

and I know he has declined, just saying that is whta I would do

Last year the end of April was gorgeous. The kids would probably love it too. If it's a proper wedding venue that provides canvas tents for guests I can't see that there's no running water! I also think that school may perhaps grant time off for a family wedding. It also comes across that although you had a discussion and said it was your DH's decision, it actually hasn't been. He sounds like he keeps coming up with ideas or ways that you could all go, so he sounds like he actually wants to go deep down. I feel a bit sorry for him. There's obviously history, but he does sound like he can't win either way here. And now you're lol ing about possible fallouts, which there will be.

school may grant one day off for a family wedding, but not 3, and usually they will only do it if it is mum and dad getting married/remarried, not for aunts and uncles