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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being unfit for work doesn't mean unfit for anything.

181 replies

Carbosug · 04/02/2019 13:01

A colleague has been certified as unfit for work for the last ten days or so having caught a nasty virus. She's due back in work on Wed. Another colleague saw her in the supermarket yesterday and is chuntering about it being 'disgraceful', 'abusing sick leave' etc.

I've pointed out that pottering around the shops and commuting to a full time job are two very different things but she doesn't seem to get it. AIBU to find this attitude annoying and silly?

OP posts:
widgetbeana · 04/02/2019 13:34

I was signed off teaching for 2 weeks with a miscarriage. I was accosted in the supermarket by a couple of parents who were having coffee together in the cafe and spotted me. I broke down sobbing and told then when they started having a go at me for 'abandoning their kids'. They looked shocked, said nothing more and walked as a member of staff was checking I was ok.

Once I got back to work one of the parents brought me a bunch of flowers and was hugely apologetic. The other blanked me for the rest of the year.

People are shit sometimes.

prettybird · 04/02/2019 13:35

There's always one Hmm

tinydancer88 · 04/02/2019 13:37

One of my friends unfortunately suffers quite severely with her mental health from time to time. A colleague told their HR department that she'd been seen in the gym whilst signed off sick - no thought given at all that actually for her exercise was a good way to try and reduce her anxiety.

Limensoda · 04/02/2019 13:37

at least don't expect to be paid to potter around the shops

Many people don't get paid by their employer when they are off sick but even if they do, being off sick means you are not fit to work until the end of your sick note. You are allowed to go to the shop, or even a cinema if you like....or visit a friend...etc etc.
It's not your place to decide what anyone on sick leave gets to do. We have doctors to make that judgement and advise.

lickencivers · 04/02/2019 13:38

I'm a paramedic. I've just been signed off work with pregnancy migraines. I've been so poorly since last week I had to leave work half way through a night shift. I'm currently sitting chatting with my sister, I feel ok.... would they be happy for me to drive an ambulance on blue lights while I'm like this, no!!!!!

Original poster
Carbosug · 04/02/2019 13:39

They're called sick days, Biscuit, because the person is gradually recovering from an illness. They are not duvet days, what a silly thing to say. I sincerely hope you're not a manager.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/02/2019 13:39

If you can’t tell the difference between someone being well enough to pop to a shop for essentials, and we’ll enough to do a day‘s work, then you shouldn’t be allowed to make any decisions involving employees. People need to be able to get their food and medicines, and not everyone has somebody who can do that for them. We can’t do online for everything.

Becca19962014 · 04/02/2019 13:40

I had this when signed off due to a breakdown partially caused by needs as a physically disabled person in work not being met.

The mental health team insisted I was signed up for socialisation activities at a local support centre (since closed) as part of my recovery where I was seen by another member of staff and had my sick note over ruled by occupational health (I was working in the NHS).

It was horrendous.

I've been on benefits for over ten years and I've had a lot of abuse from people in that time, if I've been seen on the train (going to a funeral or medical appointment) or buying food or getting meds I've been told it's time to go back to work. Now I barely go out unless absolutely necessary because of the crap I get for being "workshy". Ive been told by GP and others to socialise more but I'm too scared.

The dwp take a similar view if you can buy food then you can work.

lilyblue5 · 04/02/2019 13:42

Your poor colleague, what nasty people you work with!
Don’t see any problem nipping to the shop, was for drugs and essentials for all they knew!

tenbob · 04/02/2019 13:42

But yes, if you can bother going shopping, there's no valid reason why you can't go to work

What absolute nonsense

I had 2 months off work (on full pay! Quelle horreur!) after back surgery

My surgeon recommended I walked twice a day and built up the time I spent on my feet so I spent plenty of time shopping or wandering around the park with my dogs

There isn't a cat in hell's chance I would have been able to survive a daily commute on a packed train, let alone 8 hours sat a desk

Luckily my work aren't idiots, so they didn't have any issue with my following my surgeon's advice about when to go back to work

ItsAllGone19 · 04/02/2019 13:45

YANBU

I had extended sick leave (5 months) a while ago for a problem the doctors couldn't get to the bottom of. When they found a solution I was advised by my manager to start doing normal stuff before attempting to come back into work. This included being able to walk the school run twice a day without needing to rest in between. Even then I was on phased hours to go back

Recovering from an illness is not straightforward and if you work a condensed week (longer days but less of them) trying to get through a 10 hour shift when you feel like you're going to pass out is not great.

Your gossiping colleague is an arsehole!

ExFury · 04/02/2019 13:51

If you can’t tell the difference between someone being well enough to pop to a shop for essentials, and we’ll enough to do a day‘s work, then you shouldn’t be allowed to make any decisions involving employees

Exactly this!

One of my former colleagues complained to our boss when she saw me out “galavanting” when I was off sick. Firstly going to the shops for an hour took me the whole rest of the day to recover from. And secondly I only had to go because sick pay was so shit I couldn’t actually afford to spend the £40 minimum on getting it delivered for the basics I needed!

hickerydickerydockmouse · 04/02/2019 13:52

doing shopping even if done leisurely takes max 2 hours after which the sick colleague can go and have a rest. Work on the other hand is for 7-8 hours during which there is no rest. Your moaning colleague is being unreasonable.

Limensoda · 04/02/2019 13:52

Kids get treated better and with more respect in schools than adults do in many workplaces these days.
My daughter works in a sales job and tells me people get humiliated for being off sick. Their tosser of a manager even rants at them and calls them wankers if they don't hit targets.
People are so bloody fearful of losing their job they put up with anything.
If someone is off sick,....mind your own business.

BIgBagofJelly · 04/02/2019 13:55

@Biscuits you don't need much intelligence to pick apart your response. A person could be well enough for a 15 minute trip to their local supermarket but not well enough to commute to work and do anything useful while there.

missbattenburg · 04/02/2019 13:59

Personally, I not only agree with @Biscuits, I'd go further.

If you are sick then you should remain at home with the curtains drawn, in bed, in the dark.

If you are well enough to open curtains or go downstairs to make a cup of tea, then you are well enough to spend 12 hours down a mine.

Employers are already kind enough to grace you with sick pay, out of the goodness of their hearts and for no other reason than they feel sorry for you. No need to take the piss.

AngelaHodgeson · 04/02/2019 14:04

Anyone who thinks that two hours out of the house means you are capable of working all day clearly has a dead easy job!

SabineUndine · 04/02/2019 14:07

I've twice had the same minor operation with general anaesthetic. The first time I felt fine and caught the bus home. The second time, I caught a virus just before, so I didn't realise I had it until I was very ill after the operation. Since I live on my own and have no family nearby, I had no choice about going to the shop and importantly to the bank to pay bills. If I'd known how ill I was going to be, I would have made other arrangements, but I didn't know. I was so ill that I had difficulty walking the 50m from the bus stop to the bank, and at the bank I had to rest for 15 minutes before going home. I remember thinking 'So this is what being very old is like.' I was off work for two weeks (this was planned sick leave and agreed beforehand with my employer) and didn't feel completely well again for months.

So my point, Biscuit is that if you live on your own, or if you have responsibilities, life doesn't stop if you're ill. A lot depends on what the illness is, and what your circumstances are. Sometimes being out and about is part of getting well again. How do you know if you're recuperating if you don't try walking to the end of the road?

Cagliostro · 04/02/2019 14:11

DH has been signed off work due to his back injury (needed surgery in the past and facing a bigger op possibly)

He’s been told he absolutely cannot do his current job (supermarket type retail). But he has also been told to keep running. It’s all to do with the specific type of back/disc problem and how the particular repetitive movements of the till work especially are making it worse, but the specialist said he needs to maintain his fitness etc.

He’s hoping to transfer to a non physical role but in the meantime, yes he is off sick but living otherwise as normal (unless you count wincing in pain and stuff)

Ollivander84 · 04/02/2019 14:12

I was out food shopping 9 days after a 5hr spinal op, but signed off for 8 weeks. Wasn't allowed to sit down for longer than 45 mins and had to alternate standing and lying down so that would have been a bit tricky at work
I was also in the gym, and in the park because walking and rehab were incredibly important

chuffnstuff · 04/02/2019 14:19

I'm signed off with stress and anxiety at the mo.

I have to leave the house and try and do normal stuff or I'd end up a recluse.

Yes, some people do take the piss, but it's downright nasty to suggest that if someone is well enough to go to the shops (which I will be doing shortly) then they are well enough for work. You are an arsehole if this is what you believe.

ifonly4 · 04/02/2019 14:21

It's a hard one, and unless you know the circumstances, hard to judge. As others have said she may have been trying to build herself up slowly to getting back to normal. Obviously we don't know how she was in the supermarket, was she shopping at normal pace, or struggling, hanging over her trolley and looked ill. I've had to go out to the phamacy for a prescription once and was so bad I had to sit on the phamacy floor against a wall, now clearly I was ill.

bsmirched · 04/02/2019 14:23

I've been off work since last April having treatment for breast cancer - chemo, then surgery, then radiotherapy, followed by several on going drug therapies. During that time, I've regularly met friends for coffee/ lunch, been on holiday and yes, horror of horrors, been to the supermarket. I'm a primary school teacher and there is no way I could have planned, taught and marked even part time. I'm not going back for another 2 months and my GP and occupational health are fully supportive of me taking the maximum amount of time to get my strength back as much as possible. Ridiculous to think anyone would have expected me to lie down in a darkened room for months.

FrenchJunebug · 04/02/2019 14:24

YANBU I am a single mum. I may be ill and unable to go to work but I still have to take my son to school in the morning!

Lisabel · 04/02/2019 14:25

The colleague really should have starved to death rather than gone to the supermarket!

Isn't it good that she wasn't at work infecting everyone with a nasty virus?

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