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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell dh if he cancels the bed order we're having single beds!

111 replies

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/02/2019 21:31

Dh has been moaning for a bit that we need a new mattress. He says it's uncomfortable.....I think it's fine but it is over ten years old. So I said fine, on one condition we upgrade from a double to a king size.

He begrudgingly agrees but doesn't think we need a bigger bed. We currently have a memory foam mattress which he says he dislikes because it's cold and now seems to have a bit of a permanent dip in which is age related.

He wants a rock hard mattress, I broke my back years ago and have back and pelvis issues and need something which supports my back better.

So we try loads of mattresses, I can't cope with the firm ones as I know my back isn't supported. We end up buying a 2k Tempur firm memory foam mattress. He preferred the non memory foam one but said he could cope with the memory foam one. Sales guy has promised him the Tempur ones aren't cold.

By the time we've got a base and a headboard it's 3k. We can afford it but I admit it's a lot of money. But I don't want to spend less and have an uncomfortable bed.

Dh is now having second thoughts and says he might cancel it because it's a lot of money, he doesn't feel we need a king size bed and he's not sure about the memory foam. The bed shop do a 6week no quibble return thing if you hate the mattress. So if he really hated it then fair enough.

But I'm a bit annoyed he wants to cancel it now before trying it, especially when in the shop he said the mattress was ok. It's not like I've made him buy one he hated!

There's no way I can have a firm mattress so if he cancels it we will have to have single beds. Which will take more space than a king size which is the other thing he was moaning about, that there won't be much space left in the bedroom!

OP posts:
Rezie · 03/02/2019 21:39

We have two single beds that we have attached together. They have different mattresses to suit our needs. Together these single beds make up a queen sized bed.

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/02/2019 21:40

Do you hmm, ahem, notice the crack in the middle if you ever come together in the middle for fun times! Grin

OP posts:
BlackForestCake · 03/02/2019 21:41

It does sound like you need a bed that takes two separate mattresses. Surely these exist.

AlanThePig · 03/02/2019 21:41

My nan always said buy good shoes and a good bed because if you're not in one you are in the other.
You need the best nights sleep you can get so if that means a single go for it.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 03/02/2019 21:43

My comfort at night is my priority.

Tell him he's lucky to have you.

I have my own room, a kingsize bed and a Vispring mattress...nothing would persuade me to stay on a firm mattress in a small bed with someone annoying me.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 03/02/2019 21:44

I add I am very happily married but that's because I get enough, comfortable sleep.

pastabest · 03/02/2019 21:48

We have a super king size zip and link bed for this very reason. DP would happily sleep on a mattress the firmness of a table and I like it on the softer side.

The join causes no problems whatsoever and also acts as a handy guide to delineate who is attempting to take more than their fair share of the bed (always him).

MummaGiles · 03/02/2019 21:48

There are mattresses out there where you can adjust the firmness on each side to suit the user. Maybe that is what you need?

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/02/2019 21:50

I'm now investigating small single mattresses which are half the size of a king size bed. So we could keep the base we've ordered, I could have a small single Tempur mattress and he could have whatever he wants. This might work. I never knew such a size was a thing.

OP posts:
Rezie · 03/02/2019 21:51

"Do you hmm, ahem, notice the crack in the middle if you ever come together in the middle for fun times!"

I need to correct myself. I googled the name for the bed size and turns out the measurement table I looked was an American one. So it's king sized in UK standards and queen in American. Anyways, there is no crack. It's slated base with bed toppeers so they are together.

Also we have added a mattress wedge under mattress protector. I don't think it's necessary but bf wanted one.

Alternatively you going get one frame with two mattresses and then the wedge inbetween. That could take away a lot of trouble aswell

Mynotsoperfectlittlefamily · 03/02/2019 21:52

You can get split firmness mattresses. Like a kingsize mattress one side firm the other much softer? If you are in the UK. I think they are split tension mattresses. Maybe its something to consider?

greenelephantscarf · 03/02/2019 21:53

yanbu
alternatively you could get 2 separate matresses for the king size (good choice!) frame and have a topper to smooth out the ridge between matresses.

SabineUndine · 03/02/2019 21:53

In Germany double beds have two mattresses on, one for each person. Maybe you could make enquiries? (They also have two single duvets on heaven knows how the Germans manage sexytimes, I have never dared ask).

greenelephantscarf · 03/02/2019 21:54

oh. and definitly get separate duvets.

DrWhy · 03/02/2019 21:56

You can get a mattress that is different firmnesses on each side - I can’t recall the brand of ours right now but it came from a local independent furniture store.

greenelephantscarf · 03/02/2019 21:56

since when did you need duvets for sex?

DrWhy · 03/02/2019 21:57

It’s one of these www.harrisonspinks.co.uk/harrison/backbone-of-good-health

3luckystars · 03/02/2019 21:58

It is an awful lot for a bed that one person is not sure about. Cancel it and shop around.

I could not sleep on a hard mattress. I love soft ones, i can never understand when someone says 'oh its too soft!' How can it be too soft? The whole idea is comfort! I feel like they are so different to me, i just cant get past it. Same with people saying they 'got too much sleep' really now, there is no such thing as that. Its like telling me they believe in fairies, I just cant move on.

Rezie · 03/02/2019 21:58

"They also have two single duvets"

This is the way to do it! I'm not originally from UK so when we started to spend nights together with my bf he was very offended when I gave him his own duvet. Now he struggles with double duvet when we sleep at his parents 😅

Asdfghjklll · 03/02/2019 22:01

You can get zip and link beds that the two different mattresses zip together so it stays together as one bed.

BIgBagofJelly · 03/02/2019 22:02

When I lived in Germany it seemed standard to have two single beds secured together instead of one big one. I found it weird at first but got used to it. I actually slept really well!

Oldraver · 03/02/2019 22:03

Yes two small mattresses ie 2.6 are the same width as a Kingsize but not the same length.

If he is so set on a not needing a kingsize...get him a 2.6 bed and you a standard single Grin

banivani · 03/02/2019 22:03

Separate but together beds is how it's done in Sweden. Different mattresses because you have different needs (height, weight, sensibility) and then one big mattress topper on top of all of it to cover the crack. Well, to be honest, they're not that smart. They get separate mattress toppers too. And then buy a sort of stick-in-the-middle thing to cover the crack. Ridiculous, can't understand why they can't work out to get one big topper? Also single duvets is the norm here.

But just get a mattress each catered to your needs and top it with one big topper.

StrikingMatches · 03/02/2019 22:06

We have a Vi-Spring super King mattress. It is firm tension on DH's side and medium tension on mine. No join down the middle. It is great.

1Wanda1 · 03/02/2019 22:08

We've just got a new bed and mattress and although our mattress is all the same firmness, in the shop the salesman showed us ones that were firm one side and soft the other - precisely for couples like the OP, where one wants one thing and the other wants something different. Seemed to be quite a common phenomenon. Why not look at getting one of those?