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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell dh if he cancels the bed order we're having single beds!

111 replies

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/02/2019 21:31

Dh has been moaning for a bit that we need a new mattress. He says it's uncomfortable.....I think it's fine but it is over ten years old. So I said fine, on one condition we upgrade from a double to a king size.

He begrudgingly agrees but doesn't think we need a bigger bed. We currently have a memory foam mattress which he says he dislikes because it's cold and now seems to have a bit of a permanent dip in which is age related.

He wants a rock hard mattress, I broke my back years ago and have back and pelvis issues and need something which supports my back better.

So we try loads of mattresses, I can't cope with the firm ones as I know my back isn't supported. We end up buying a 2k Tempur firm memory foam mattress. He preferred the non memory foam one but said he could cope with the memory foam one. Sales guy has promised him the Tempur ones aren't cold.

By the time we've got a base and a headboard it's 3k. We can afford it but I admit it's a lot of money. But I don't want to spend less and have an uncomfortable bed.

Dh is now having second thoughts and says he might cancel it because it's a lot of money, he doesn't feel we need a king size bed and he's not sure about the memory foam. The bed shop do a 6week no quibble return thing if you hate the mattress. So if he really hated it then fair enough.

But I'm a bit annoyed he wants to cancel it now before trying it, especially when in the shop he said the mattress was ok. It's not like I've made him buy one he hated!

There's no way I can have a firm mattress so if he cancels it we will have to have single beds. Which will take more space than a king size which is the other thing he was moaning about, that there won't be much space left in the bedroom!

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 03/02/2019 22:55

johnryanbydesign.co.uk/understanding-beds/firm-and-soft-mattress-2/

Dual tension mattress

NicoAndTheNiners · 03/02/2019 22:58

I like the look of the JohnRyan mattresses but can't imagine buying one without trying it first.

OP posts:
Butterfly84 · 03/02/2019 23:01

It is a lot of money so I see where he's coming from, but everyone should have a good bed. If you've got that money to spend and you're not going to be using up every penny you've got, then I say, go for it. You sleep in your bed every day so choose one you like.

GreenTulips · 03/02/2019 23:07

We have a 50/50 mattress so each side is different

Hotterthanahotthing · 03/02/2019 23:22

We had 2matresses in a super king sized.In those days I was lighter and on a standard mattress would bounce about every time exh turned over .A nice mattress topper and you only subliminally notice the gap and it stops migration during the night.

newnameforthis7 · 03/02/2019 23:40

You can shag (very successfully!) on a single bed!

newnameforthis7 · 03/02/2019 23:41

Defo get 2 single beds OP.

Why should your DH's needs trump YOURS? Hmm

IncrediblySadToo · 04/02/2019 00:06

Loving this thread!

I need to buy a new bed, I don’t mind spending a decent amount on it, but I’m so worried about getting it wrong.

The John Ryan site looks promising, but I couldn’t buy it without trying it.

On the other hand I could pop to ikea and try the H mattress. £190 sounds like a preferable mystsje to a £2000 one!

Our spare room one was a £400 ‘roll up’ given to us by Bensons as they’d mucked up our order. It’s very comfortable except it’s got an inbuilt memory foam layer and despite what they say, it’s FAR too hot. Whenever I stay somewhere I can tell you very quickly if it’s MF or not.

Ifangyow · 04/02/2019 06:01

@Sabineundine. It's as easy as on any other bed. 😏 It is usual for us to have a large bed frame with two mattresses and a duvet each. The mattresses lay tightly together so you don't get a gap in the middle.
I can't imagine sharing a mattress or duvet
Maybe you should get separate mattresses OP, that way you can each have a mattress that suits you both.

flumpybear · 04/02/2019 06:34

Yes investigate the joined mattresses - we nearly did this but opted to ultra firm ortho mattress and a thick memory foam topper covered with a breathable cover with bamboo to help moisture - it's a thick too so form but soft - LOVELY!

NicoAndTheNiners · 04/02/2019 06:44

@oldtiger your post has really worried me now. I don't want to spend so much money and have back problems. A lot of people must love Tempur though or it wouldn't keep going. But I guess it's not suitable for everyone? Like I say I have a memory foam one now which I like and doesn't cause back issues.

OP posts:
Fettfrett · 04/02/2019 06:59

We have a mattress made by Marquis & Moore. The salesman said the company can use different springs on each side to adjust the firmness, although I don't know of they could add memory foam to one side.

TheJobNeverEnded · 04/02/2019 07:13

@NicoAndTheNiners 'm not sure about the zip link beds because I want an ottoman base with the lift up storage. Doesn't look like that would be an option with those

You can have that. example

We have a superking zip and link bed, so basically 2 single divan bases, they clip together, then 2 single mattresses that zip together. The zip is not at the top of the mattress, it is below the piping so it is slightly sunk down. We have a relatively thin mattress topper but you can't feel the crack.

We had our mattress made to our requirements because there is a weight difference between me and 6'3" Dh (rugby player build)

I don't understand why someone would want a smaller bed.

Children get a single bed, why should adults who share get a smaller size? This was the first house where we could fit a superking. But there was no way you could get a 6ft mattress up our stairs so zip and link solves all that.

JohnRyan by design is a great place, but we had a mattress made locally by a bed factory shop.

eddielizzard · 04/02/2019 07:15

I'm afraid I also had a bad experience with a Tempur mattress. I have a bad back so we spent £1500 ten years ago on one. Then had to downsize and had to decide whether to get rid of our tempur or the spare room bed. We got rid of the tempur.

Our spare room mattress was a Heal's own brand and it's really really good. Very old now, but beat a new Tempur hands down.

AmProperlyIn · 04/02/2019 07:17

Definitely go to John Ryan as mentioned in PP. We spent less than you are spending for a made to order mattress. Best thing we ever bought. They are thicker than a lot of other mattresses so I'd recommend a whole new set of bed linen from soak and sleep. You tell them the depth of your mattress and they do sheets to fit.

Also get a duvet one size bigger than the bed.

Pk37 · 04/02/2019 07:19

I also broke my back a few years back but memory foam kills me so don’t know how you manage

NicoAndTheNiners · 04/02/2019 07:30

I've got quite an increased lordosis in my lower spine now so with normal mattresses I don't find my lower back is supported. I like the feeling from memory foam that the arch in my lower back sinks into the mattress rather than their been a fist sized gap between the mattress and my lower back.

I've told dh about the John Ryan recommendations but he's not keen on a mattress where you can't try them beforehand. According to their website for our weight we both need a medium and dh is pulling faces saying he wants a firm mattress, not a medium.

A local shop sells Harrison mattresses so think I will pop there this morning and see what I think.

OP posts:
NicoAndTheNiners · 04/02/2019 07:33

And I'm not saying that my needs trump his. Which is why I started this thread saying maybe we will have to have single beds. Grin

However I am the one with crippling back pain at times which he doesn't have. My back has been a lot better since we got the current memory foam mattress. It was worse with the previous pocket sprung and I remember what a difference this mattress made and I'm reluctant to go back to that level of daily pain.

Dh has never been in pain from a mattress. But I still want him to be comfortable.

OP posts:
mycatisfatter · 04/02/2019 07:39

Regarding John Ryan, you get 60 days to decide if you like it. Look at the Trustpilot reviews. I was wary but they really are good.

anniehm · 04/02/2019 07:45

You can buy beds which have different firmness of mattress for each of you - memory foam is a marmite thing, I think it's great but a bit hot, a compromise is a standard mattress with a memory foam topper. Just about to buy a new bed myself, haven't found anything under £2k'

Inforthelonghaul · 04/02/2019 07:47

We have a Harrison Super King with 2 full sized single beds that join together (base and mattresses) with a topper. It’s fabulous, I weigh considerably less than DH and love that there’s no sinking in the middle. You can sleep no problem in the middle but after ‘together’ time we both happily move over to our own sides for a great nights sleep. I miss my bed so much when we go away. It cost about £4000 all in and replaced and ancient £300 job from 15 years ago. I’d always thought the old bed was ok and worried we’d wasted a lot of money but I totally think it’s wothwh now and am very glad we upgraded.

BriocheBriocheBrioche · 04/02/2019 07:49

We have a super king but bought two single mattresses as there was way more choice and they were cheaper.
We have a lovely foam mattress topper on top so you would never know you were sleeping on two singles.
I love my bed!

HJWT · 04/02/2019 07:50

DH has a back problem so needs a hard mattress, we got our bed and mattress for £690 delivered with a hard mattress of a facebook page called Beds&Mattresses thought i would be rubbish for the price but we have had it a year and its still brilliant! I bought a thick mattress topper for myself and had no problems at all.

Beamur · 04/02/2019 07:52

We had a mattress with a top layer of memory foam, I found it stifling hot and both DH and I got back pain sleeping on it. V happy with traditional pocket spring it was replaced by.
Cheap spare bed mattress is one of John Lewis cheaper range and is also v comfy.
I think memory foam is just one of those things you love or hate.,

Rememory · 04/02/2019 07:55

I'm having issues with my neck at the moment and had an appt with an orthopedic Doc yesterday. We discussed pillows and mattresses. He said he had bought a really expensive mattress and hated it. He's now got a much cheaper mattress and sleeps like a dream. We got rid of our Tempur three years ago and got an Ikea Hovag - it's bliss.

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