Not to buy a wedding gift?

[Mentalhealthworries]

We’ve been invited to a wedding this spring. It’s a couple in their 40s (second marriage for both). Would you buy a wedding gift? They don’t have a list and have said it’s presence not presents. The wedding is in a small country hotel and we’ve been given a room paid by them for the night. I’m not sure as they don’t have a gift list?? What do you think, would AIBU to turn up without gift?

We got married and asked for no gifts and genuinely meant it. We just wanted to celebrate with people we loved.

The vast majority stuck to it, we got the odd gift which was very much appreciated but if no one had got us anything we’d have been more than happy.

Don’t say something if you don’t mean it.

There was a very recent thread on here where someone asked their friend for vouchers for their birthday. Subsequently on Facebook they asked for donations to charity in lieu of gifts for their birthday. Friend made a hefty charity donation as per Facebook instructions and person was miffed they didn’t get their vouchers

I’d get them a voucher for a meal out, I was going to say a bottle of champagne but I think a lot of people will go for that and a £30-40 voucher is same as a decent bottle of champagne

Definitely take something especially as they're paying for the room.

I agree with a bottle of good champagne or
Vouchers for a meal

Yes, bubbles and a gift card for a restaurant?

If they have a garden a voucher for a David Austin rose, we received one and love it, especially when in bloom

You have to take a gift! Only go with champagne if you know they drink it. We got loads of the stuff and still have some hanging around years later as I don’t drink it.

Name things are risky too, agree with PP.

People WILL take gifts. Most will take a bottle of something nice or a voucher I guess.

Agree with some of the other posters here. I'd have hated anything with "Mr and Mrs Surname" on it. I didn't change my name when I got married, so anything like that would have wound up at DH's parents house.

I would never turn up to a wedding without a gift.
In this situation I would probably buy a bottle of champagne or a decent bottle of gin (or their spirit of choice)

Why does everyone always assume people will appreciate the gift off wine or fizz ?? That’s the worst gift anyone could get me a DH - we have acupboard full off Prosecco and wine and other various bottle people have given as presents. Not that we don’t drink but he’s a lager drinker and I only like a couple of spirits. Not everyone wants bloody wine or rotten tasting fizzy shit !

Meal voucher for sure- I got a friend voucher for a champagne brunch.

One of my daughters favourite gifts was a voucher for breakfast at The Wolseley. She absolutely loved it and has since given this as a gift when she has been a wedding guest.

All recipients have said how much they enjoyed a fabulous breakfast.

Very generous of them to pay for your room.

You can't turn up empty handed, money in a card, vouchers or a meal voucher would work.

For a second wedding I'd take a nice plant or bottle of wine.

Why not go with what the bride and groom have asked for?

YABU, especially as they have paid for a room for you!

Vouchers for Waitrose/John Lewis or something you know they would both appreciate.

We said no gifts, meant it and were quite embarrassed (although of course touched) that people gave us presents including money and vouchers. Some people gave cards and that was lovely. Gifts simply felt OTT as really the guests’ presence WAS the present we wanted! I wish we’d said no gifts but chosen a charity for donations to go to, then people could still feel they were giving something to us but it would have been useful to other people and not us ending up embarrassed and spoiled by friends generosity. Wasn’t a big deal at all but thought I’d share as I don’t think people say no gifts then expect gifts!

Yes, definitely give a gift. I’d give a slightly more generous than normal one as well considering they are paying for the room.

We do a £50 John Lewis voucher if people say no gifts - they can always use it in Waitrose. Alternatively a bottle of champagne if they drink.

Yabu

Surely it's ruder to ignore your friends' explicit request for no gifts??

A charity goat for Africa type of gift maybe?

Surely it's ruder to ignore your friends' explicit request for no gifts??

They haven’t stipulated no gifts though. They have said they want people’s presence and their phrasing implies they don’t want people to feel they need to buy a present but they have not written an explicit no gift request. You have massively reinterpreted that.

Take lots of photos on the day and make a photo book for them using one of those online photobook design websites. Go for all the informal shots an official photographer might not choose - details of food, flowers, individual guests, relaxed shots, evening details. You can make a 24-page photobook for around £15 - less than the cost of a bottle of champagne and so much more special. And what you're really giving is your time and effort, so it conforms more to the presence not present philosophy.

YANBU
If they have specifically said "your presence is all we require" then it would not be rude to come without a gift. TBH when I got married I made a list of everyone who gave us a gift (to do thank you cards); I didn't then write a list of everyone who didn't bring something!