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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Reported ex for tax evasion

113 replies

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 14:55

Anyone here ever got back on an ex and reported them for something? I reported my ex-h for tax, he was self employed for years, cash in hand jobs. Before anyone says 'well done' Im well aware I did it simply to get revenge for him wanting to end the relationship, not out of some duty or for it being the right thing to do. Its all got very serious and I now regret doing it and feel terrible. I feel it was spiteful and Ive messed with his life. I was aware of what he was doing when we were together, so I cant even tell myself I did the right thing for my own peace of mind, it was purely a way to get back at him and Im having trouble dealing with that, knowing my motives and the consequences of what Ive now done.

OP posts:

Inliverpool1 · 03/02/2019 14:56

It won’t get you anywhere, unless it’s in the tax payers interest or cost effective to do so they aren’t interested

Enta · 03/02/2019 15:01

I've certainly done a few things I'm not proud of, so I can understand that sense of deep regret. All you can do is learn from it, and perhaps make different decisions in the future.

Saying that, your ex was evading tax; in the end he and only he is responsible for that so don't be hard on yourself.

LemonSqueezy0 · 03/02/2019 15:02

Have they looked into it yet and investigated him?

This might be hanging over you for a long time so you need to work through your feelings on it. You did the right thing for wrong reasons (or, there were better reasons) but it's likely he had been reported before.
Don't sweat it.

Original poster

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 15:04

This was last summer, HMRC have already been in touch with him. I regret doing it now, but its too late to do anything about it. The worst thing is he's talked to me about it and Ive tried to give him advice, support but knowing all the time that Im actually the one who reported him! If I could turn back the clock I would but its gone too far. And I dont have the nerve to admit it, not that it would help anyway.

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 03/02/2019 15:19

What a nasty thing to do. I hope it comes back to bite you.

Yura · 03/02/2019 15:30

While it wasn’t nice to do, HE was the one doing it, he was fraudulent. He has only himself to blame for the consequences.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2019 15:36

If you could turn back the clock you would do it again because you'd still be in the same mindset. You may well probably wouldn't have done it if you had a crystal ball and could see the impact.

MitziK · 03/02/2019 15:44

Shouldn't have defrauded the taxman then, should he?

Could have been you, could have been a pissed off customer, his next door neighbour - or anomalies could have shown up when he did his tax return.

None of it would have happened if he'd followed the law.

CanILeavenowplease · 03/02/2019 15:48

What a nasty thing to do. I hope it comes back to bite you

Thousands of men use self employment as a means by which to avoid paying child maintenance. This frequently also involves tax evasion. My ex opens new companies and closes them the minute tax becomes due. He hasn’t paid maintenance in 11 years. He doesn’t go without but his children do.

And I’m the nasty one?

BigusBumus · 03/02/2019 16:15

I have no qualms about reporting people to the council or the revenue. Why should I work hard and pay huge amount of tax whilst freeloaders and crooks get away with it? I'd have done the same Maryqueenofscot, but not felt guilty about it.

What concerns me more is that you are supporting him through this - he dumped you right?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2019 16:24

I have no qualms about reporting people to the council or the Revenue.

It sounds like you do as a hobby. Do you not have anything better to do, also. May I ask how you know so much about these people.

Original poster

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 16:24

I feel guilty about it because when we were together I knew what was going on but went along with it, if you like in so far as I didnt report him. Thats not to say I agreed with it. But when he finished with me I wanted to hurt him and I reported him, that why I feel guilty really, I did it out of malice to get back at him.

He had his reasons for finishing with me, I'd not been shall we say exactly faithful, but it was a mistake and we tried to make it work, but he couldnt get past it. And I was hurt that he'd throw it all away for one mistake after 9 years together. If I had the chance again I wouldnt have reported him, knowing now the implications of whats going on, but hindsight is a marvelous thing.

I know he was cheating the taxpayer. He has two kids from a prev relationship which I know he supports, so I cant say he doesnt support his kids in this case, he does a lot for them and pays his ex. Now Ive probably screwed that up too :(

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2019 16:27

because I don't know who works,who doesnt.
Who claims who doesn't. Who claims honestly or dishonestly. Who pays tax who avoids it.

flamingofridays · 03/02/2019 16:30

So you cheated on him, he left and you thought you deserved revenge?
Right.

justasking111 · 03/02/2019 16:31

Oh goodness, the taxman can now go back twenty years I think, so this could well affect you. Do not be surprised if you get sucked in.

An acquaintance works for HMRC they get most of their info. from phone calls she was saying just the other week.

FigandVanilla · 03/02/2019 16:33

I think you did the right thing and tbh I don’t care what your motivations were. Tax dodgers are some of the worst scumbags out there, and if he now faces consequences for his own shitty choices, it’s just what he deserves!

hardworkharriet · 03/02/2019 16:34

I work for HMRC. You have done him a favour in the long term because he would very likely have been caught further down the line. Hopefully now he will be compliant and have less to pay back then might have otherwise have been the case.

LakieLady · 03/02/2019 16:35

Imo you did the right thing, albeit for the wrong reasons. Tax evaders deserve everything they get imo.

hardworkharriet · 03/02/2019 16:37

I also meant to add that it cou be coincidence. A lot of the time these cases are picked up by other means. I rarely see cases that come from this sort of info, although i have seen a fair number of 'cash in hand' cases. HMRC has quite sophisticated means of picking up this type of behaviour.

Oblomov19 · 03/02/2019 16:40

Fear not. With a clever accountant/bookkeeper/ his case can be argued. He claims ignorance and pays a small amount. It will be negligible.
HMCE are poor at this area. I deal with them a lot. So I can't imagine they'd be that bad.

TeddybearBaby · 03/02/2019 16:41

Do you only feel guilty because you’re back in touch? If he continued to not want anything to do with you maybe you’d still feel justified.

I think you were spiteful and spoilt - if he doesn’t do what you want you’ll have your revenge.

It’s done now so you’ll have to forgive yourself and learn from it. It’s all you can do now.

Oblomov19 · 03/02/2019 16:42

You cheated?
And then you did this?
You are a one aren't you?

justasking111 · 03/02/2019 16:42

Oblomov not sure what sort of accountants you know, but any worth their salt would certainly not encourage or cover up a client who fiddled. The penalties are harsh.

FigandVanilla · 03/02/2019 16:43

People get up in arms about so called benefit cheats, but when it’s a tax dodger you all feel sorry for him!

Original poster

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 16:48

Yes I suppose I feel guilty now hes back in touch and asking for advice, and now I know that they are taking it seriously and it'll hurt his kids too with his ex. Looking back I think I ignored what was going on because we enjoyed a certain lifestyle and I didnt object to the extra money coming in. So I dont know in that sense if Im just as much to blame for going along with it.

Thank you for the comments that are supportive though, it makes me feel a bit better to hear that others would do the same. I dont feel like such a bad person. Thanks guys.

OP posts:

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