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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Reported ex for tax evasion

113 replies

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 14:55

Anyone here ever got back on an ex and reported them for something? I reported my ex-h for tax, he was self employed for years, cash in hand jobs. Before anyone says 'well done' Im well aware I did it simply to get revenge for him wanting to end the relationship, not out of some duty or for it being the right thing to do. Its all got very serious and I now regret doing it and feel terrible. I feel it was spiteful and Ive messed with his life. I was aware of what he was doing when we were together, so I cant even tell myself I did the right thing for my own peace of mind, it was purely a way to get back at him and Im having trouble dealing with that, knowing my motives and the consequences of what Ive now done.

OP posts:

Foreverexhausted · 03/02/2019 16:55

I think you are wholeheartedly in the wrong for reporting him.

You've admitted you also enjoyed the benefits of him paying little tax whilst your were together, you knew he was underpaying and chose to accept it because it was to your benefit. Now out of spite you've reported him because you wanted to make him pay for ending your relationship.

I hope it bites you on the arse.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2019 16:57

Well of course they do Fig.
Its one rule for the rich and another for the poor.

Oh and op yes you are just as much to blame for going along with it, but We won't go into that

Kewcumber · 03/02/2019 16:58

I think you're quite unpleasant.

I think he took a risk evading tax and it didn;t pay off - that's the way it goes when you break the law.

I don;t think the two things are inextricably linked. But given that you cheated and then shopped him I think it's OK if you feel guilty.

Yabbers · 03/02/2019 17:04

Oh goodness, the taxman can now go back twenty years I think, so this could well affect you. Do not be surprised if you get sucked in
OP didn’t evade tax. They won’t be interested in her.

Oblomov19 · 03/02/2019 17:05

Just asking I dont think the penalties are that harsh.
And many accountants do their best for their clients to minimalise tax paid.

If op's ex approached an accountant and said can you help me with this, minimalise the penalty/tax I'll have to pay. Then surely accountant would do his best to only declare what absolutely had to be.

BirthdayKake · 03/02/2019 17:07

@NorthernSpirit give over

I did this too. The cunt should have paid child maintenance otherwise I wouldn't have :)

Geminijes · 03/02/2019 17:09

What a nice person you are!

You cheated on him, thought he should have got over it.
He couldn't so he left you.
For revenge, you reported him.

One thing is for certain. He definitely did the right thing in leaving you.

Maryjoyce · 03/02/2019 17:12

You telling them won’t get them far if he denies it.unless you told them specifically loads of the jobs that he did for cash.
Of course they will try to dig around some but may come to nothing.
And of course he can just say your bitter over him leaving you if he found out it was you that is.

Original poster

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 17:14

Just to clarify I wasnt involved in the business as a partner or anything, so I highly doubt anything will come back to bite me on the bum! And for those having a go, who wouldnt enjoy the lifestyle? What was I supposed to say, I dont want a holiday, go by yourself? No I dont want a new car! Anyone who says otherwise is just lying to themself.

I do feel guilty, but its done now and theres nothing I can do to un-do it. I was angry with him at the time. Now I understand why he finished it, but it wasnt an affair really, just 2 times, no emotions involved or anything, and he chucked it in after 9 years, moved out without even telling me, after i'd tried to make amends.

He does pay child support to his 2 kids, so I cant accuse him of stiffing her or the kids.

OP posts:

Maryjoyce · 03/02/2019 17:20

Only 2 times. I guess he didn’t want to wait for the 3rd and 4th time.
Sounds pretty sensible to me

Geminijes · 03/02/2019 17:22

Now I understand why he finished it, but it wasnt an affair really, just 2 times

2 times or 50 times...you cheated, the number of times is irrelevant.

Guavaf1sh · 03/02/2019 17:23

You sound really horrible actually

Puggles123 · 03/02/2019 17:24

Really you should have reported it at the time, rather than just out of spite when you seperated. He shouldn’t have done it so in honesty he ‘deserves’ to be investigated and pulled up on it, it’s not like you had made up lies; so I wouldn’t feel bad about it, no matter the intention tbh.

HazelBite · 03/02/2019 17:25

My BIL anonymously (at the time, but subsequently admitted to it) reported DH a self employed builder for tax aviodance.
He had no proof, but an imagined axe to grind.
HMRC contacted DH and I can tell you it is not pleasant to realise someone you know probably a friend or family member has reported you.
Fortunately for us there was nothing to investigate as everything had properly gone through the "books"
OP your Ex has no idea it was you and is now in his head imagining and wrongly blaming loads of different people.
I don't think you are very fair as you benefitted from the advantages of his "cash in hand"
This was not done from having the "moral highground" was it and was just a nasty act of revenge as you felt you had been wronged.
Not very nice was it?

Foreverexhausted · 03/02/2019 17:27

Are you for real or is this a wind up??

Whether you were involved in the business or not is irrelevant! You were happy to benefit from his tax evasion as it funded your lifestyle! You then fuck someone else....twice! He understandably can't forgive you and leaves you so you make HIM pay by reporting him to the tax office when it was you who wrecked the relationship by fucking someone else!

I hope the tax office drops the investigation, not to ease your guilt but because you've been a bitch to report him!

Justmeagain123 · 03/02/2019 17:28

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or rightfully jilted apparently. Not that he's a saint obviously.

Craft1905 · 03/02/2019 17:29

He had his reasons for finishing with me, I'd not been shall we say exactly faithful, but it was a mistake

So you were walking along, in a skirt/dress, without any underwear on, when you slipped and fell on to a guy with an erection, and his penis impaled you. After all, it was a mistake, not something you did on purpose, and then regretted. He was a bit harsh to hold that against you. It could happen to anyone.

itsbritneybiatches · 03/02/2019 17:30

@BirthdayKake @CanILeavenowplease

My ex doesn't pay maintenance regularly and when he does it's minimal because he opens and closes companies when the tax
Is due.

What else are you supposed to do when they are fucking everyone over even their kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheLostTargaryen · 03/02/2019 17:33

What a nasty thing to do. I hope it comes back to bite you.

Yep. I hope that when you are next breaking the law then you are caught.

Of course there is one very simple way to avoid that. Not breaking the law. Most of society manage this every day and I bet you can too..

Don't feel too bad OP.

hellandhairnets · 03/02/2019 17:34

What a horrible post.

There are two separate issues here. Evading taxes, which is obviously wrong and it's up to him to take responsibility for that (it would probably have caught up with him in the long run tbh.)

But also the utter control freakery of reporting someone on the grounds that they dumped you after you cheated on them. If this is a genuine post (and I'm not convinced), you sound like an arsehole, OP. Very immature behaviour and in no way justified, imo.

Foreverexhausted · 03/02/2019 17:39

The Lost this post isn't about the rights and wrongs of tax evasion. Its about whether the poster was unreasonable for reporting him given her reasons which by the way weren't because she believed his behaviour was wrong, it was to get revenge!

bluerody · 03/02/2019 17:39

OP what he was doing was wrong but you were clearly happy to benefit from it whilst it suited you!!

You sound like a horrible person.

Original poster

Maryqueenofscot · 03/02/2019 17:41

Would it make more sense to report him when we're in a relationship? Just one day think oh I'll pop a letter off to hmrc! I wouldnt have reported him if he hadnt upped and left without telling me, which was pretty crappy. And like I said I was mad at him at the time, I dont think I'd do the same now, so Im not a bitch actually!

And no Im not going to tell him it was me, Ive done enough damage without then making it worse by saying hey I reported you. Im not proud of reporting him, but all those getting mad there are also others who are saying they'd do the same in my situation. Hes not a bad man but he did break the law, if I hadnt of reported him maybe someone else would have, who knows?

What I was meaning was that it was a mistake, it wasnt like I was in love with this other guy, I had no feelings for him. I was prepared to try and make it work with OH but he took the chickens way out and packed his bags whilst I was out, didnt even tell me, after 9 years together!

OP posts:

silvercuckoo · 03/02/2019 17:42

My ex opens new companies and closes them the minute tax becomes due.
This does not mean he is not paying taxes though, he is still liable as if the company was still operating.

brick15 · 03/02/2019 17:44

You’re a horrible person OP. What a nasty thing to do to someone you cheated on. Now you feel bad ?!, yeah right!

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