To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

The guidance is at least 12 years old

Eh?

Do you mean 12 months?

(Although, that link says 6 months).

Putting babies down drowsy but awake often works with younger babies

Yes, my friend had a baby like that. Amazing! She was in the minority among our friends.

No way were my babies every going to do that - they made it very clear!

Also, if you breastfeed, often the baby falls asleep on the boob. That's nature's way of getting them to sleep and should be encouraged IMO.

No. The guidance about babies being in the same room came out at least 12 years ago, because my best friend followed it with my odd son.

The research studies referred to in the link are from 2004/2006.

@user, yes it does appear to be current thinking. And completely new for you and me because it wasn't a thing when ours were babies, regardless of when the guidelines were introduced.

PoutySprout most babies can be taught to self settle. Putting babies down drowsy but awake often works with younger babies. Gradual retreat is great with older babies.

Most?!

Babies can indeed be conditioned......

sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/

And completely new for you and me because it wasn't a thing when ours were babies, regardless of when the guidelines were introduced.

I suspect lots of things have changed since then.

They have. And your point is?

I put Ds1 in his own cot, in his own room, within days of being home. He was so noisy! Went in, breastfed, in my mil's most comfy Ercol rocking chair, and went back to bed.
I didn't know/hadn't heard about the sids guidelines 20 years ago I'm afraid to say. Ashamed. Loads of my friends did the same. Not recommended now obviously!!

PoutySprout I disagree with Sarah ockwell’s conclusion. I’ve worked with dozens of families where babies have been taught to self settle. Sarah is hardly an expert in her field, she has a bsc in psychology. Her criticisms are mostly about leaving babies to cio or using cc.

www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-how-parents-bed-share

Interesting research on the above.

And also a comment about their guidance on safe bed sharing being accepted by NICE as appropriate for NHS use.

Sarah is hardly an expert in her field, she has a bsc in psychology.

Whereas your qualifications are what, exactly?

My DD shows no ability to self soothe whatsoever. I keep trying putting her down drowsy but awake now and then and she immediately goes from drowsy to screaming until she is picked up. I'm not sure it can always be taught

Got to love mumsnet. Parents making other parents feel shit.

It’s like being dry at night or crawling. You can encourage all you like, but it’s unlikely you can make them self settle in the true sense of the word.

SnugglyBuggy it won’t work with all babies and no one should feel bad if their baby doesn’t sleep through. There are things parents can do to help encourage sleep but all babies are different and what works for one won’t work for others.
PoutySprout, I could tell you my qualifications but I doubt that would change your mind. I am more qualified than Sarah though. I work as part of a team made up of support workers, nurses, social workers, doctors, psychologists and psychotherapists.

I don’t doubt that. There’s something about “the system” though that means order is sometimes prioritised above biological/psychological imperative though. Eg highly medicalised birth.

Assuming I am one of the 'been parents for five minutes' posters referred to upthread, my babies are now 26, 15 and 12.
Older, I suspect, and than the children of the loudest shouters on here.
I also note that the very loudest and most ridiculous refers to her one child.
So her routine (if I dare use the word) only has to accommodate and suit one baby/toddler/child.
What a know-it-all and how arrogant to assume she is the expert on baby sleep.
As I always say on threads on sleeping, weaning etc, I hope your daughters/DILs are as thourougly unpleasant and dismissive of you as you are of everyone else who chooses not to bow to your great wisdom.

I think culturally it's a bit of a transition time between valuing routine in babies and trying to meet babies biological needs and the result is a lot of mixed messages. Obviously there is a generational gap, my DM is a fairly cautious/neurotic person and she has been at a lot of the guidelines I've mentioned.

Maybe it's been updated but I remember on the NHS sleep page they managed to both talk about a bedtime routine for a baby in a dark room and the 6 month guideline which was confusing to say the least.

So her routine (if I dare use the word) only has to accommodate and suit one baby/toddler/child.

Which is the case for most first time parents, including the OP.

Is knowledge now determined by how many children you have? Wouldn’t that make Sue Radford something of an expert? I believe her technique is “abandon baby to the older kids and have another”. Surely something to aspire to.

@SnugguBuggy I had to get my DP to teach my daughter to do it. When I put her down at night she would scream as she liked sleeping on me, when he did it she never did. It took about a week and now both of us can put her down.

OK pouty sprout, you win.
You are the best parent on here, clearly

Of course she is. What she doesn't know isn't worth knowing.

No one is suggesting Sue Radford is an expert but I think it's fair to say these ideals are obviously easier with one child to focus on. A perfect routine or holding a baby 24/7 is impossible for a parent with more than one child.