To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

Are you a scientific researcher, poutysprout? Because it's quite irresponsible of you to find some cherry-picked articles that support your view rather than rely on the systematic overviews given by experts - Lullaby Trust, American Association of Pediatrics, etc. - which have reviewed the evidence base as a whole.

To be fair, the articles do align with what I know about Lullaby Trust etc. Baby should sleep with parents to reduce SIDS risk, and unsafe cosleeping is, well, unsafe.

Also, it's just occurred to me - you said your baby was held by someone else every time you went to the toilet but also that you were alone with her apart from at the weekends?

I said that I had DH at home for the first 4 weeks in response to a comment about DD not being put down for 4 weeks. After that I was alone except weekends when DH was home for about 36 hours.

Because it's quite irresponsible of you to find some cherry-picked articles that support your view rather than rely on the systematic overviews given by experts - Lullaby Trust, American Association of Pediatrics, etc. - which have reviewed the evidence base as a whole.

I’m working my way though all of the articles that UNICEF have on their website. I’m posting those of particular interest. Those that support the “don’t drink or smoke” advice the LT et al use are there but surely don’t need to be shared here?

I did not expect to be called barbaric, accused (pretty much) of child abuse and told (indirectly and directly) that I'm a bad mother

You must be new to mumsnet.

This study suggests that (artificial) western infant sleep goals of independent sleep for long periods of time, and the advice and gadgets peddled to achieve this are contrary to baby’s neuro development needs, which are met by close proximity to their parent and frequent waking.

Amazing that so many generations have got it all so wrong that the human race isn't extinct, isn't it?

Baby humans are amazingly adaptable. Society places such ridiculous shit on parents. It’s utterly bizarre
Wait... Human babies are amazingly adaptable but placing them in another room to sleep is going to damage them? Do they only adapt to the things you agree with?

But your right, society places far too many ridiculous ideals on parents. Thanks for contributing to that.

Amazing that so many generations have got it all so wrong that the human race isn't extinct, isn't it?

Wait... Which approach is it that your saying generations have been doing without harm?

Amazing that so many generations have got it all so wrong that the human race isn't extinct, isn't it?

Extinct? No.

Without purpose or meaning. Potentially.

poutysprout Thinks that putting a baby to sleep on it's own for a few hours a day is going to lead to a life without purpose of meaning

With my first I waited till about 12 weeks. With my second I waited till 8 weeks and third when she was 5 or 6 weeks. What I actually did was put them to bed an hour before I was due to go up, with angelcare monitor on. It gave me an hour to watch corrie, have a brew, sit with dh or see to the other dc.

OP I'm sorry for the treatment you have received on this thread. I think this piece of guidance is a thorny one with almost no useful practical information for how a family can actually put it into practice.

I disagree with nearly everything posted!!

I don't agree that you can't TRY to put a baby in a routine. Some baby's like routine.

I do think you should be aware of the SIDS guidelines though. How anyone can argue against the SIDS guidelines is a mystery to me!!

Thinks that putting a baby to sleep on it's own for a few hours a day is going to lead to a life without purpose of meaning hmm

Not what I said. I was taking about society generally.

“It was only 1 plastic straw. Said 8 billion people.”

My youngest is 6 and the advice was in your room until 6 months but it didn’t occur to me not to put them to put them to bed about 7 on their own. I didn’t actually think about it but looking back I assume the noise of the house would stop them falling into the deep sleep.

You don’t want them falling into deep sleep!

🤦🏻‍♀️

Amazing how little people think about things like this!

Without harm and extinct aren't even remotely the same thing. Fucking MN, you choose your words with the utmost care and still some idiot comes along and twists them.

Fucking MN, you choose your words with the utmost care and still some idiot comes along and twists them

Calm down. I didn't even understand your words, hence the question.

I couldn't tell which side of the argument you were taking!

Amazing how little people think about things like this!
Patronising much?

Statement of fact.

Before you decide, ignoring any of the sniping on here etc, I just want to tell you my story. It’s a story I tell on every single one of these threads, because it could so easily have ended in me being a mother without a baby, and I would never want to see anything happen to anyone else’s child.

The day our DS turned 4 weeks was a day just like the days before it. He was his usual self, we followed his usual routine. At 9:30pm, I went up to bed with him, and put him in his bedside crib next to me. At 10:30 I woke with a 6th sense that something wasn’t right. I don’t know if I had noticed the tiny change in sounds that a monitor wouldn’t have picked up, or if just by being right next to him I noticed some minute shift in him, but I woke up and he was grey, and lifeless, and barely breathing. I screamed for DH to call 999 and gave him CPR, and within 15 minutes of whatever happened to him happening, we were in A&E then intensive care. DS spent a week on a ventilator in the HDU, and they never found a reason for what happened to him. I was told that if I hadn’t been right there, and I hadn’t known what to do, it would probably have been classed as SIDS. An angelcare monitor would simply have let me know that he’d completely stopped breathing and died, not that he needed help when he did.

That was 2 years ago now, and DS is a boisterous and exuberant toddler. If I had “just put him to bed an hour or two before us, with a monitor on”, he would have died at 4 weeks old.

Is it worth it?

Fenella that is horrific. I can’t even begin to imagine. I am so, so glad your ds is happy and healthy now.

OP I've had no routine for my daughter but she started sleeping 6-7 hours at night at about 8 weeks and a few weeks ago, after a relapse after her 12 week injections, she falls asleep between 7-8pm and wakes up around 7am. The time she started sleeping at night was when we put her in a cot next to our bed at our level. At the moment she normally falls asleep on the floor e.g. under her baby gym in the room we are in, and then we move her to her cot when we go to bed. What I learnt though was initially make my partner put her in her cot as she wouldn't sleep at night if I did it and try to sleep on me.