DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Why do people do this? I'd have murdered any of DS's grandparents if they'd pulled a stunt like this

It seems my last update has got lost in the river of comments lol. I managed to get the lock back after going round there with DP. We haven't spoken to her since, but it's still quite fresh.

The Sm is fils wife.

DP done his best to put Sm in her place while we were round hers. He's been very supportive towards me and has stuck up for me no end.

''Yeah she was completely wrong to do this but the comments about not letting unsupervised contact etc are ridiculous...you are not in charge to be able to make that decision"

Thank you for your comment, but I assure you I am in charge to make that decision. She is my daughter. She is a step-grandparent (not even related to my dd!). I'm not stopping unsupervised access out of spite, or because I can. I'm doing it because there has been a serious breach of trust! If she sees no issue in altering my daughters appearance without asking me for permission then who's to say the haircut won't be the only thing she'll do? Previous posters have suggested that she may even pierce her ears next, and tbh I wouldn't put her past it.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me

@Carcam 100% true, unfortunately. I wish it was made up, but it's not.

I think you under reacted. She's not to be trusted and she'll never change. She's been dissing you from day one and her contact with your DD should be limited and then she should never be unsupervised.

When not if but when she starts making passive aggressive or dismissive comments again you'd be better off cutting her out of you life because it will not be good for your DD to grow up thinking it's ok to be so disrespectful to you.

By allowing her to continue making passive aggressive or dissing comments is you teaching your DD how to treat you. How you react to others treating you is how you teach your DD to treat you.

I really don't think you'd be unreasonable leaving your daughter unsupervised with her (EVER) again

I would text her and demand for her to drop the curl to my house then cut her loose. NO ONE should be doing anything to/with your baby without your permission, not even your partner unless you have mutually agreed. This is just the beginning and you need to cut her off before other things happen too

RTFT!!!!!!!

Op has the lock.

Sorry didn't see the comment where you said you'd already taken the hair back. Well done for sticking up for yourself and your daughter. I'm wondering also if she cut your babies hair herself as surely a decent hairdresser would question why someone who clearly isn't her mother is taking her for her first haircut? Although I guess you do get children who are raised by grandparents etc. But yes I definitely would not trust her with my baby alone. I've recently had to stop contact with my 1 year old and an aunt in the family as I found out she was getting the children to say things about me that weren't true. Here comes the backlash but you have to do what's best for your child!

Hi - quite new to all this - what does SM mean and CF?

By the way you are not overreacting - I would be fuming - and I would also be insisting that she gives you that lock of hair!

Step Mum

Cheeky Fucker

The OP does have the lock of hair now.

My MIL did this to my 3 year old the day before her nursery photos. Had a fringe cut in for her. Not any old fringe, a half way up the forehead fringe.

@cerysmummy cf means cheeky fucker and Sm means step mum

Also well done to your partner for backing you. There's a lot of partners who would not get involved as it's their family. It's just difficult as I assume his poor dad hasn't done anything wrong and you still want to keep the contact between him and your DD. Maybe from now on just have your partner take the baby to their house once a week/fortnight/whenever for dinner etc and stay with her to supervise? But I would not feel comfortable going myself. What she did was out of order I hate things like this and entitled mother in laws. My MIL took my baby to see santa for the first time without me 🤔

Or in your case op sm =snipper monster.

Total cow.

Had a fringe cut in for her. Not any old fringe, a half way up the forehead fringe.

I know the fringe of which you speak. It is a fringe which shouts "This child is half-witted".

My FIL used a pudding bowl to cut DS's hair in a similar style. No- we do not live in Beano-land. He was just a twat, and so was MIL for letting him (and probably providing the scissors, and bowl, because FIL never knew where anything was).

@cerysmummy

Hi - quite new to all this

Talk
Down arrow
Acronyms

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

OP, you've done brilliantly.

Sorry it's in the press, but as it's reached such a wide audience, it just MAY make someone who was thinking of doing it to someone else's child stop in their tracks when they see how much support you have.

YANBU ! My MIL took my twins for their first hair cut behind my back and I still resent her for it nearly 10 years later. She just chuckles when she over steps and says 'Ooh it's okay' no it fucking isn't okay!!! Can't have any more children so I was truly robbed off it. You aren't being unreasonable. I'd be demanding that lock of hair, or just go and take it. Your child not hers!!

@UmBankroll I'm not a violent person but if someone had shaved my baby bald (all three had lovely heads of thick dark hair) especially after being told that there would be no hair cutting I would have slapped them so hard their ancestors would have felt it. I don't know how you managed to remain in the same house with her. I would have been home or in a Premier Inn (or other cheap hotel) by teatime.

Foxandthehound

You are absolutely in the right! I misread your OP - I thought you had said SM - I missed DP's SM. Sorry!

What now ? Do you wait until one of them phones for a visit? (More likely to be husband's D, I expect she will be very sheepish having told you to Fuck off" to boot)
If she says she will take DS out, you just say "Actually, No you won't".

Oh, and when I was little and my Aunt butchered my curls, it didn't curl the same for the longest time.

If you're my niece, by the time I got to your hair, it was all the way down your back and those weren't curls any more they were just bits of bent straw. It was nearly 40 years ago, you and your mother need to move on!

This is awful - what kind of grandparent doesn't love a curly, blonde haired child?! Most would chew off their right arm for one!

All I can think of is jealousy, OP. Does she have other boring/wispy haired grandchildren on her side of the family maybe? Be very wary of this one.

That is so awful, what does your partner think?

If you're my niece, by the time I got to your hair, it was all the way down your back and those weren't curls any more they were just bits of bent straw. It was nearly 40 years ago, you and your mother need to move on!

Oh, that's really hilarious, Charlotte