DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

has the op done anything about this?

Do
You have any other family members you can talk to about that curl back. The nerve and audacity of sm to do that without your permission

We're not all the same, @CaroBB, I'm as appalled by this as everyone else.

Not only not an over-reaction but possibly an assault. You never gave permission for this physical interference. How dare she?

There is no mending this but if she could do this, what else might she do? Refuse to ever leave her alone with your children... EVER.

Unless of course you want to stay friends because you need her to babysit. Then you will just have to stuff a wad of dirt in your mouth (and swallow it).

You absolutely ANBU! I would be furious. I’d have to have it out with SM in this situation. I definitely couldn’t leave it to DH to get across the extent of my anger

I would get dp to go to his cf Sm and demand first curl for child when she is older. How bloody dare she. She would not be having contact with child again.

its assault = seriously she didn't have permission - I we be shearing her hair with a rusty razor

I like to think I’m relatively laid back with DS, I was happy for visitors when he was born, happy for him to be held by others, mixed Breast and formula fed and sees GPs every week and I have no ‘rules’ they spoil him and feed him choc and he watches cartoons! BUT.....this would leave me really upset and furious, I don’t think I’d ever allow unsupervised contact again.

When we had our dd hair cut for fist time her baby blond curls got trimmed off to start pre school and hairdresser took off too much. Dd hair grew back darker and straight.

You are not being unreasonable. The very least she should do is give you the lock of hair she has.

I would go absolutely mad. Actually can’t believe it!

Omg am raging on your behalf, how dare she do this without your permission

Time to set boundaries and enforce and make sure she respects them

What next, pierced ears? Tattoo.......

Step mums all over

Definitely NOT Being unreasonable at all!! I would be absolutely fuming and she wouldn’t be stepping a foot back in my house. That is disgusting behaviour, completely selfish. The first haircut is a milestone that no Mum would want to miss, and to then keep a curl for herself and not give you one is just adding insult to injury. I want to cry for you

Yeah she was completely wrong to do this but the comments about not letting unsupervised contact etc are ridiculous...you are not in charge to be able to make that decision.

It sounds like she has absolutely no idea where the boundaries are. It would be a long time before she took my daughter out unsupervised again.

Yeah she was completely wrong to do this but the comments about not letting unsupervised contact etc are ridiculous...you are not in charge to be able to make that decision.

No the comments are not ridiculous and yes the OP is in charge......

What makes you think otherwise? Are you the SM?

@Bluebell878275 just who do you think is in charge of OPs daughters haircuts then?

I would send dp over there straightaway for the curl and never let her have unsupervised contact again. This made my blood boil. Your poor little girl.

@Youknowmedontyou just read that post too...what a bizarre attitude eh?! It’s like all of a sudden grandfather’s girlfriends have more rights over access than the mother themselves. Only on Mumsnet 🙄.

@ShadyLady53 it's the SM! It's got to be, like 500+ posts in f everyone saying YANBU and a random you're not the boss!!! No way are two people in the world that mad!

Yeah she was completely wrong to do this but the comments about not letting unsupervised contact etc are ridiculous...you are not in charge to be able to make that decision.

I think you may have misread.

The OP is the mother of the child. The child's paternal grandfather's wife is the fucking loony toon with zero boundaries and definitely not to be trusted around the child in question ever again.

Sorry but this bit about the grandfather doing the ‘I’m staying out of it’ really makes me cross.

This isn’t some silly cat-fight that the hysterical women in his life have conjured up out of an insatiable need for petty drama. It’s a real issue, that happened on his watch.

I’d be having serious words with him, letting him know that in 2019 the dgd’s care is as much up to him (or more, being blood) as the woman in his house. And that ‘not getting involved’ because it’s slightly awkward for him is cowardly nonsense that’ll ensure he is truly ‘not involved’ if he’s not careful. Explain what NC or LC with all three of you would look like.

He 100% should have foreseen this (what’s the bet he ‘Yes, dear’d’ her?), should have noticed afterwards and come to drop her off too (with the hair), told his wife she was out of line and done everything in his power to apologise and make up for it.

Grandads nowadays don’t get to cherry-pick the fun bits of relationships, and scuttle away at the first sign of responsibility or conflict. That ship has truly sailed.

@Youknowmedontyou and it was in the shitty papers so she’s probably seen it! You’re on to something cos otherwise it’s concerning to think that anyone else could be that bonkers and I don’t want to face that reality

I’m livid just reading that. I think she’s lucky you only rang her. I’d have driven round there,parked my car in her living room and strangled the bastard!

No way overreacting—I’d be on her doorstep demanding the lock and never let her near DD—completely out of fucking order!!