DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Not overreacting at all. I would be furious. And step mother-in-law would not way be looking after baby alone for a long time.

My DS has the most beautiful ringlet like blonde curly hair. His hair is stunning.

So stunning that at almost 8 years old I have never let a hairdresser near him and have always always cut his hair myself.

What this woman has done has incensed me. It is appalling and totally out of order.

I would be so outraged and furious at the sheer spite of it, I would be going no contact.

Seriously.

@Bluebell878275 you do realise that this woman is the girlfriend of the child’s paternal grandfather don’t you? Why would you think it’s not up to the child’s mother to decide not to allow unsupervised contact with someone who is in no way related to her child, nor is that person married to anyone in that family?

YANBU! Thus happened to me with my Ex MiL. My DS was only 4 yrs old. She took him after I specifically told her not to. He had very thick hair already. The experience was so bad for him (the razor kept nipping and hurting his head) that he was scared of haircuts for years afterwards. I gave her such a telling off, and DS was never left alone with her again.
I suggest you get your DP to get over there and get that lock of hair off her! Totally unreasonable her keeping that! And he can tell her while he's there just how out of order she is! I'd not let her have child alone again either, until she learns to follow your wishes! X

OP this is horrendous you have every right to be upset. I would be distraught tbh. Its spiteful and manipulative. I'm assuming you two don't have a good relationship? She's done this to hurt you, you need to cut her out. As others say keeping the curl when it is your child is despicable

People relax - OP HAS THE CURL!!!

Evil girlfriend of grandfather was keeping it in a little glass box on the mantlepiece. OP went round and swiped it. Girlfriend told her to F off prior to OP swiping curl. Grandfather said he didn’t want involved.

As you were.

This disgustingly terrible. She has absolutely robbed you of this precious experience of the first hair cut and will probably remind you of this forever.

@Bluebell878275, what a ridiculous comment. Of course the OP is the one with the ability to make these decisions. It is her child!

No it’s not ridiculous to not want someone that you know you can not trust to have unsupervised visits with your child. Especially if FIL doesn’t want to “get involved” when his GF has clearly done something wrong. Wonder if he would’ve went along with the hair cut if he had been present at the time? If the answer is yes, then I wouldn’t trust my child with either of them at this point.

I’d go fucking mental!!!

This happened to me as a child.

An aunt took me away on holiday to the seaside, I was about six or seven with waist length beautiful thick and shiny hair. My aunt took it upon herself to take me to the hairdressers and had it cut to shoulder length because she was "fed up washing the sand out of it" after I'd been playing on the beach/in the sea.
I remember looking down and seeing the hair drop down closely followed by huge teardrops.
When we got back home and my parents saw what she had done, I was very quickly put to bed. I'd never even heard my father raise his voice before but oh my goodness the row! (She was his sister).

My mother was in tears and my father couldn't bear this. It was a very long time before that aunt was even welcome in our home, she was certainly never allowed to take me anywhere on her own again.

Just seen this so a bit late but wanted to support OP.
Appalling. And seems pre-planned - except it went spectacularly wrong. Well done Fox for not only having the guts to confront her but being quick witted enough to retrieve the lock of hair. If I’d done it I might have been on a gbh charge because, while ‘ first ‘ anything is important, the real issue here seems to be the total lack of respect for you, DP and DD and civilised behaviour. Blatant attempt at a power grab.
Then there’s a subsequent refusal to accept boundaries, or take responsibility, which is a gigantic red flag for the future, for both your SMIL and sadly your FIL
It’s not so much about the hair, upsetting though that is - it’s the wilful destruction of trust plus an absence of remorse for going against your instructions - the lady clearly has some issues going on. Her intentions are suspect from now on, and other posters are correct when they say your little baby has no means of discriminating at present; no doubt she does enjoy her company but are you ever going to relax if she’s with her unsupervised?
Perhaps less forgiveness and more formality will get your message across and help with SMIL’s retraining - best of luck. And tell her husband to grow a backbone.
And I speak as a mother, SM, SMIL, GM and SGM who would never dream of interfering - your children, your rules. Simple.

Totally out of order and crossing all boundaries. It will grow back soon though 💕

That’s so awful!! Glad you got the lock of hair. Stunned by her behaviour.

OP I have total sympathy with you and think you have handled it perfectly.

My DS was born with beautiful thick dark hair, and when we went to visit MIL (who lives 100 miles away) when he was 1 month old, we explicitly told her we will not be cutting his hair as a baby. In her culture it is quite normal, though not compulsory to do so. But despite our very strict instructions, I was horrified to come out from a 5-minute shower the morning after our arrival at MIL’s house to find that she had completely shaved my baby’s head!!! He was a full on skinhead!!! Postpartum hormones and all, I sobbed my eyes out for days as I stared at my bald baby, and I didn’t speak to or make eye contact with MIL for the remainder of our stay. It’s a classic case of a grandmother (or in your case step-grandmother) trying to assert her authority/stake her claim/prove that she is a better or more loving carer for your child. If your DH’s SM is anything like my MIL, she will continue to push boundaries and deliberately defy you if given the chance. I would definitely advise against any unsupervised visits in future. Best of luck, and I’m sure your DD’s curls will grow back beautifully, just as they have done for my DS (now 18 months).

@UmBankroll that's horrible, I couldn't imagine how you felt, glad your DSs curls came back

That’s appalling. I would be devastated. My littlest son had adorable blond ringlets and we didn’t cut his hair until he went to primary school, thinking his shoulder length surfer shag didn’t go with the tie and blazer, and he was old enough to be teased about looking like a girl. DH and the little ones older brother and I all mourned the end of his curls. Sometimes those baby curls never grow back. I would be furious and sad that someone took those soft little curls away from me. I hope your daughters’ grow back nicely. Your DPs SM sounds awful. Good luck with her.

How awful!!
I'm not minimizing this, but it will grow back if that is any comfort.

FWIW, you may have been lucky; she's a bad person without boundaries and an obvious narcissist. AND NOW YOU KNOW!
you can keep her at bay.

Keeping a trophy of her abuse!

Frankly, if i were fil, i would drop her like a hot rock. He lives with her, so doesn't want waves, but he knows she's wrong. Make certain that any future legal things are as fil and dp wish bc she obviously has no boundaries.

NEVER EVER let her watch any dc again. I wouldn't trust her ever.

It's not the haircut that is making me crazy, it's her trophy of the cruel curl!!!

She's off her rocker.

Your FIL is being quite weak for saying nothing.
My DD wouldn't be going there again without me.

I can't figure out why she would cut your child's hair without your permission... then sneak her back with a hat on.

As if that wasn't enough...she decides she should keep the lock of hair... great job getting it back by the way.

Thank you @MrsJDornan - it took a fair while to grow back though. He was a little potato head for at least 8 months the poor thing. And to top it off, MIL kept making snide comments about how slow his hair was to grow back, and how poor hair growth must come from my gene pool

Awful. I'd be very upset. Ask to see the curl then just take it yourself

You are absolutely NOT BU! I'd have exploded!

Sorry...I've got to ask...is this a true story...?

OP, you are under reacting, she was absolutely pissing on your territory to mark it. And as for keeping the lock of hair that is totally beat shit, well done for going round and taking it back and facing up to her.