DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

you must be so upset .
Its theft ,pure and simple

WTAF!!!!! How dare she

I would be livid! YANBU

My IL’s are a pain in the hole, controlling and difficult but even they wouldn’t muster the bare faced shittery to do this and they’ve pulled some stunts.

Cut contact. Only thing you can do

Oh!

And I would cut her effing beanie up, throw it at her and tell her to stick it up her *rse!

I would go absolutely batshit. What a utterly horrid thing to do.

If an adult did this to another adult without consent then the cutting of hair is an assault (there is a legal case which established this). However the SM isn't the person who did the cutting and the hairdresser would have presumed consent so it isn't a police matter.

You're not overreacting. She's bang out of order. And she knows it.

My daughter had vestigial long golden hair and for the same reason we haven’t had it cut yet! YANBU I would be furious!!!

Meant beautiful

I'm generally not fussed about hair that much and wouldn't bother if DM or MIL cut my kids hair BUT the first hair cut is a big thing like all firsts and one you have control over. I think saying it's assault is reaching but it's deffinetly crossing a line to alter any child's apprearce without concent from their parent or guardian. Keeping the curl would make me lose my shit altogether after everything else.

What I would say is many years ago I posted about MIL taking ds on his first Santa trip without me lots of posters told me it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at the time I thought it did but looking back it doesn't matter now so please don't be too upset I promise you the hair won't matter. I have had to learn how to draw a bloody thick flashing line with MIL on what is ok and what is not so draw that line now do not back down demand the curl an unreserved apology and a promise to never go behind your back again she really needs to know you mean business and won't take it early on.

I was a special for five year and know that it is important to apply common sense when applying the law and cutting someone's hair under circumstances like this is not assault only time I ever saw hair cutting considered an assault was when it was part of a more extensive assault by one girl jealous of another in that case the person had an apprehension of imminent harmful and or offensive contact.

The case people are remembering is DPP v Smith (2006) - which found that cutting someone's hair without consent is ABH, not just assault.

That said, I think contacting the police in this case would be ridiculous. In that case the defendant pinned his ex girlfriend down on a bed and cut off her hair with kitchen scissors. Reprehensible as the SMIL's actions have been, they're clearly miles away from that.

I would be really upset too. You’re not being unreasonable at all.

I would go totally ballistic. In my family the first haircut is a big deal - I like photos and a lick of hair but even if you don't - she went against your wishes!
That would be it for me - text her -
"I hope you treasure that lock of hair you fucking selfish bitch because it's the closest you'll get to my daughter ever again. Do NOT come near us again - ever!"

I'm struggling to believe anyone would do this. Could this be a load of

And with curls, if it isn't cut right, it may never curl the same again.

Can anyone explain this? Hair grows from the follicle. How can cutting the ends off it affect how it grows in future?

Haven’t RTFT, but I would be beyond outraged if I was in your position, OP! That is completely unacceptable. Why anyone who is not the child’s mother would think it’s ok for them to take the child for their first haircut blows my mind! You are NOT being unreasonable and it is not a petty or silly problem, either. To add insult to it she said that the one curl from your dd’s beautiful head full that she did keep was for HER!? I am livid for you, OP.

I have a friend who's family member has acted similarly to this on a number of "first" occasions.
She's very controlling and my friend has found her so difficult to cope with.
If you're feeling generous you could overlook this first episode, however, the stories I've heard from my friend are that these things only become worse and more frequent, so you're probably better off cutting her off now!

Step mums all over...sort of thing mine might do to make me look like the bad guy for saying I'm BUR. Don't let her have your DD again......She shouldn't have done that and I'm really sorry for you. Have you considered she's done it on purpose for exactly the reason above??

And with curls, if it isn't cut right, it may never curl the same again.

Can anyone explain this? Hair grows from the follicle. How can cutting the ends off it affect how it grows in future? hmmconfused

Don’t know Elvis but dd had beautiful curls half way down her hair so, of course when it became too long and unmanageable, all the curls were cut off. And they never came back - she has had poker straight hair ever since! Maybe it’s something to do with it being baby hair?

WOW! Read this and felt the absolute shock of rage on your behalf. How fucking dare she?!

She best keep the lock of hair as a memory of her grandchild, as there won’t be any more memory making opportunities with her gc for a long long time. Make sure you tell her that you hope getting to take dc for the first hair cut was worth it, as she has lost her chance for any other firsts with that stunt.
It would be a very long time before I spoke to her again and an eternity before I left the dc with her.

OP so shocked at this. So glad you got the curl back and that your DP is on your side. It's a big deal and I totally get it.

MrsJaneAusten that is so sweet of your child's GM - what a lovely story.

Cora same thing happened with my DD. Had to cut the curls as that was the ends that needed trimming and after a few years the majority went however even now as a teen after a haircut her straight hair does get a little curl at the bottom after a cut so it seems the weight of her hair pulls the hair straight and when she has a haircut it bounces up a little.

This absolutely happens when boundaries get blurred.

My youngest was about two years old, with the most amazingly curly, white blonde hair. I came home from work to find that the nanny had cut it all off.

I was so shocked, I couldn’t speak. It was a couple of weeks later that I let her go, as the trust was gone. I’ve never quite forgiven her.