DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

I would tell her if she ever wants to see your daughter again she gives you that lock of hair. As its the least she can do. I would also be talking to her husband. Personally if i had it my way i would threaten to have her done for child abuse as she violated your child without consent. My exs mother cut my sons hair herself(shes a hair dresser) i went mental and took him to have it re-done as i hated what she did. But i would have some very strong words and tell her she will not be looking after my baby ever again unsupervised as she can not be trusted. How dare she do this let alone think she has the right to keep your babies hair over you.

That is so out of order. You have every right to be furious. And she kept the one curl for herself? I would be absolutely livid if she did that. And for the record, she's an idiot -- cutting hair does not make it grow faster, or thick. It has NO effect on hair whatsoever. I was a hair cutter for years and it drives me mad that people still think this. I would refuse to ever let her be alone with your daughter again and if she asks why tell her you cannot trust her.

Having just read the whole thread, I cannot even believe there is 1, let alone several, people who have said "it's just hair!"
You are definitely NOT BU and when I read your update about how she told you to fuck off!!!! My jaw hit the floor. What an absolute witch!!! The thing about her keeping the box is so petty too. What a disgusting woman. You are definitely a better person than me OP. I would 100% go nuclear and that woman would NEVER, EVER be allowed near my child again. Regardless. I'm honestly sat at home fuming for you! I hope you have more cheesecake, and wine. I'm going to eat cheesecake for you 😘😘

As a childminder I once had someone complain to me that their childminder had cut their childs hair without permission.Absolutely no! Never.Not even for a relation is this ever okay.Tell her she was out of order.Actually I would regard it as assault.

YANBU at all!!! My DS has SN and it's virtually impossible to get his hair cut, so the music teacher at his SN (who is a whizz with a pair of scissors as well as the ivories) cuts it for us.

We have to sign consent forms and I insist on being present as though he is almost 14, I am extremely fussy about his beautiful hair.

All of that to avoid what has happened to you and your DC OP.

I would be raging and the fact that she wont give you the curl is beyond the pale.

"Sorry" my arse!

I've not RTF and I'm fuming for you OP. I'd be mortified at best, especially at the lock of hair for her, nor you. Never mind the flagrant disregard for you and your DH. Bloody. Hell.

YANBU!!!! this has made me so annoyed just reading about the haircut ....do not trust her with your little one again she has no respect for you or your child so god knows what she would feel free to do next ...im sure there is plenty of ways her grandad can spend time with his grandchild without this woman who isnt even related 😡
and the curl belongs to your daughter to go in her memory box i really hope she gets it back xxxx

She sounds like a loon.

Technically speaking, she's not even her Grandmother, not by blood anyway. Does she have kids of her own?

Totally overstepped the mark and clearly she knew it with the way she legged it and had put the hat on to cover it.

The thing I find most disturbing and why I asked if she has kids of her own is keeping the lock of hair. It's not hers to keep. She sounds overly close and I wouldn't trust her with a bargepole.

I would ban her outright, permanently. What a weird, nasty and selfish thing to do. She's wicked. Utterly despicable.

Go round and get your lock of hair back. That’s not her property any more than her place to take your dd for her first...anything!
What nasty behaviour. Yadnbu

I am raging for you! She sounds like a sociopath. (In a literal sense) Normal people don't behave that way.
I would also be cutting contact completely without an explanation.
My son used to have beautiful blonde curls but once we had them cut (brushing it was causing him a lot of pain), they never grew back. I hope your dd's do xxx

You are not over reacting at all! My in laws are obsessed with hair cuts. My son's hair grew blonde and curly and I adored it, I'm abit alternative anyway so long hair on boys is, in my opinion, adorable. But my mother in law went on and on and on, and actually invited her hairdresser round to my house without me knowing to try and pressure me. Unfortunately i was worn down and I did allow a trim, and he now has poker straight, dark brown hair. Gutted. But they never would have taken him without me, no matter how tempting. That is a whole other level.

I am not bothered about hair or first haircuts but yanbu it is the principal of the thing you made your feelings clear she ignored them absolutely unreasonable and you have every reason to be angry she would have damaged her relationship with me and would not be seeing my child unaccompanied for a while!

The person who said this is assault I understand you feel very strongly but it is not an assault defined by law the act was to intended to cause harm and the police are very busy.

You are definitely not being unreasonable, I’d be really angry. I wouldn’t suggest calling the police about it though, as mentioned by a previous poster. That’s just silly.

Wow. Well done OP on not having her murdered. I am livid on your behalf. The absolute cheek. She is clearly marking what she sees to be her territory and it would make me totally cull any visits going forward.

I would go fucking ballistic if this happened to me / my son

you are definately not being ott or unreasonable she went against youre wishes totally you are the mum and what you say or do goes id be absolutely bloody livid if it was mine she would have to a wait a long time before seeing her again and as for the curl its youres not hers i assume its the mil if not sorry if it his you need to speak to hubby, partner, and make him demand the lock of hair also go to the hairdressers and cause a big stink.

I would never let her have unsupervised contact and it would only be in my home.
She should be very grateful I’m not her dil!!

This is horrible, mother in law jealousy can be so destructive. If she gets in contact lay down the law.

She not only had your child’s hair cut without your permission but is keeping the only curl ?... can I ask how you have nt actually killed her yet?!!! .
No one but the parents makes that decision!!x
But you d think she d at least hand over the one curl she got!? .
I m sorry I think you have amazing restraint... because ( I m not a violent person I promise !!) but I d want to ring her neck till her hair fell out!!! .
.
But breath deep - it will grow back .. but I d never ever trust her ever again !!.
.
( I think I have issues over my children’s hair too - my youngest has long hair with her baby curls on the bottom .. if anyone cut them off... well you can guess what I d do ! 🤣🙌🙌)

Yes she would no longer see me or my child. She's not related to you cut ties

Hollow's comment is extreme - but I totally agree with it. There's no way she would see my child again in a hurry - I'd tell her to enjoy her lock of hair as that's the las time I'd trust her with my child.

What a selfish bitch!

I'd be livid, it's the middle of winter FFS. My DH doesn't let me cut too much off his or DS's hair in winter as it's too cold. I think it's regarded as assault. I know nursery staff who've trimmed rogue fringes have been in a lot of trouble over it.

OP - you have handled this well.

Good outcome, you have the hair and DD not left with her alone again. Right move - shame on GF for not speaking up.

Wtf? She is way out of order.

She might have wanted to take your DD for a haircut but you said no and that's that. And as for not letting you keep the lock of hair, wtf! Why does she think she should have it rather than you??? I honestly would not see her again. And only consider contact if she made serious amends.

She's not even RELATED to your child. Why is she entitled to the only lock of hair? What a JERK!!!!