To ask if private school is worth it?

[Secondaryschooldilemma]

Regular poster name changed for this post as it may be outing, I have talked to a lot of people IRL about this today.

My DD11 has today been accepted for a place at a brilliant private school. However, we applied for a bursary and were unsuccessful as other girls did better in the exam and there is only a small amount of money to go around. We have been offered a fee paying place at approximately £1,100 per month. We don't have a huge household income, we bring home around £4k a month between us and our outgoings are around £2400. That includes everything except holidays and fun stuff. Some months are better, some are worse. We have looked at where we can make savings without sacrificing our quality of life and I think we could manage it. I am self employed and could theoretically bring this in as extra a month if I work hard and market my business more. We also have six months before she starts to start putting money away so we can have a bit of a cushion to start with.

We currently rent and have no savings or assets which would be a reason for not spending 12k a year on school fees. This could be saved and used towards a house deposit giving us all more security as a family. However, our local secondary is diabolical. OFSTED inadequate in 2015, still requires improvement in 2017. I know OFSTED is not the be all and end all but tin the report there is so much focus on bad behaviour and disruptive behaviour in lessons and I don't want that for DD. All of the parents of her friends acknowledge it is a dire school but are happy because their children are bright and well behaved they will "survive it". I don't want DD to survive it, I want her to grow and develop into the very best she can possibly be and have a great experience. The three schools we have out on our state application form we are out of catchment for and they are over subscribed or have been in previous years. There is a chance DD will have no school offer at all, or the nearest one which has spare places which again I would not be happy about.

My concerns are that things could change and she could start and then we could not make the fees after a year or two. I'd rather she did n't get to experience it at all than she had it and we took it away. It will be stressful worrying every month about having to pay such a huge amount of money. We also have a DS9 who we would also want to offer the same opportunity, but he is sporty and practical, he struggles academically and I m not sure he would pass the entrance exam for a selective school. The two we looked at for DD have a very competitive, academically focussed entrance procedure. I hope that doesn't sound horrible, he has completely different strengths to DD and what is right in a school for her will not be or him as they are very different.

I love this school, I want DD to go there more than anything. I love the ethos, it is single sex if that is relevant and I feel her talents will be nurtured there and she will leave believing she can do absolutely anything.

So my questions are, if you have DC at private school, did you make sacrifices and is it worth it? If you comfortably afford private school fees, would you still do it in our situation?

You will see far more posh cars, suntans from exotic hols. in the state sector than in the private one

I don't think flash cars and suntans are reliable markers of poshness, tbh.

No. Don’t do this. Use your local school and top up your DC’s education with extra curriculars and holiday residentials. This will give you much more financial flexibility.

@justasking111 You will see far more posh cars, suntans from exotic hols. in the state sector than in the private one. Excluding Eton, Harrow etc

This is a misconception, too. (Lots of tweed jackets, though).

I wouldn’t do it, OP. It’s only going to get more expensive year on year. And then there are the extras- I went to public school and the uniform, trips, tuck budget, meals, stationery and books all had to be paid for. Then there are the soft extras that you don’t Technically need but everyone will get- tickets to charity events and sport events, celebrations etc.

And don’t forget that your daughter (and son) will be mixing with other kids with expensive tastes and options- I remember my mum telling that no; I couldn’t go on the Ski trip because it was £1000 and she had already paid for me to go on the politics trip to Berlin and Moscow the term before.

It’s astronomical in short and way more than you think it will be.

I would only even consider it if I could easily afford it, it will leave your finances very tight and mean realistically you will not be able to buy a home for many years.

I would rather move.

Plus it sounds like it might not (definitely not?) be affordable for you to send your son to a private school too. I couldn't do that.

You will see far more posh cars, suntans from exotic hols. in the state sector than in the private one. Excluding Eton, Harrow etc

ha ha ha - I’m not sure posh cars and suntans are a measure of being posh?!

Friends in the state sector go to Australia, America, for weeks at a time in the summer holidays. We went without long holidays a cheap 4 day break or a last minute week long bargain holiday to the Canaries was doable. Our cars well over a decade old my 14 year old car, needs to last another four years. It really does depend what you deem more important for your family. Only you can decide what you want to do.

Yes we moved for good state schools and lots of extra curricular activities, lots of holidays, nice houses, high level of disposable income is the norm plus uni fees and house deposits for kids plus other investments. You can do a lot with £250k saved on school fees.

I think that you are MAD to take this in in your financial situation. No private school is not worth it. I would consider moving if I were in your position and you need to start savings ASAP, and saving for a more secure future for your family. As for your daughter, you can pay for extra tuition, for her to go to one of the myriad of after group school tuition clubs that exist, sign up online to various programmes, or just get a book or use BBC bitesize to help her with maths, literacy,
Science. Or pay for music lessons. The most important thing for a child’s education action is to have parents who are engaged in that education.
She could be the star pupil at that state school if she’s bright, focused and hardworking. I’m grew up on the breadline in a deprived area with parents who valued education above all and I had the choice of half a dozen too unis. I went to one of those with wealthy, lazy, privileged privately educated children who honestly had no clue about real life so my view of public school kids is pretty dim!

I’m another one who thinks this would be madness.
Aside from disagreeing with private education on moral grounds, I don’t believe that private education is “better”. I do agree that there might be certain schools I would “choose” above others for my children, but none that I would pay for.
I went to the local (fairly rural and fairly rough) comp, did well, and went to a (‘the’) top uni. I often thiught to myself that it was strange to think that many of the others there had paid for their education, but ended up in the same place as me...
Education (and attitude to it) come from home.
Move.
Pay for tutors if you really feel your children need a boost.
Go on interesting family trips and holidays.
Spend time with your children, not stressed out financially.

I am absolutely sure private school is better than the best state schools. The extras are there because of funding, looking at a high achieving state school getting the results on £14 per week per child rather than £140 may change your mind.

It partly depends on what your expectations are. If you think that girls at an all-girls private school are all going to be angels, and therefore your DD will be protected .... then NO! I went to an all-girls private school, and there are still bullies and still girls who get pregnant at a young age.

Something else to be aware of - friends of ours sacrificed a lot to send their child to private school, but the child was bullied because their parents had a cheaper car, couldn't afford all of the extra-curricular activities etc. Private school is sometimes a good option, but not at any cost.

OP if you do decide to scrape together the school fees it is also your DS who will have to go without just so your DD can have a wonderful educational advantage. He will also have to go without family treats, holidays etc etc. He will be leading a cheese paring life with none of the benefits.

your DS who will have to go without just so your DD can have a wonderful educational advantage.

Agreed, it's almost certain to cause resentment and push a wedge between your children. I feel so sorry for your son.

Why don't we go on holiday - Sister's school fees
Why can't I go on the school trip - Sister's school fees
Why can't I do this activity / club - Sister's school fees

Why can't I go to her school - You sister is smarter than you, and we can only afford one set of fees.

@chocolateworshipper

I too went to a private school. My sister is still there now.

I can second you on there is still bullies. Many were bullied because they couldn't afford to go to football club, or couldn't afford to go to the library on the school trip. As a matter of fact the families who 'couldn't afford' actually had a-lot of money they just spent most of their income on sending the child there.

There was still girls getting pregnant every year when they found out what boys were. We stopped going on holidays every year etc because of school fees. I had extreme guilt and anxiety coming home knowing i had a bill for something else. To tell the truth my private education opened me up to nothing anyone else couldn't do in a main stream education.

You don't have enough disposable income and you have no savings. If your car breaks down? If an appliance becomes faulty? Works not been great for the month? You will fall behind in no time.

Not to mention the pressure this will put on your daughter, knowing that everything is being sacrificed for her.

I would've moved to a good school. You don't have enough money to fund this private school.

TBH I would give serious thought to doing it the other way round.

Sounds like if DD goes to the state school she'll be in top sets and she'll be able to access a 'standard' style of teaching. She may well be one of their high achievers which will probably attract her some attention as Ofsted like to know what is being done to stretch the able.

Your DS, on the other hand, sounds like he might be the sort of child who would sink into oblivion in a big, busy state school.

I agree with PP who said Independent school can actually benefit an academically average child more. Small class sizes and increased levels of attention and coaching would probably make more of a difference to your DS's outcome than your DD's. He would also have more opportunities to pursue his practical and sporting strengths.

I would look at the less academically selective Independent options you would have in the area for DS before deciding, if you must decide, which DC to privately educate.

From the fact that she hasn’t been back, I suspect Op really has her heart set on sending DD to this school & has no interest in listening to naysayers.

If so, op, I would really start to focus on optimising your income - I fear you will be needing it!

prettypossums Sun 03-Feb-19 12:33:03
From the fact that she hasn’t been back, I suspect Op really has her heart set on sending DD to this school & has no interest in listening to naysayers.
............................................................

I do hope not pretty that is not wise.

I feel it is worth it for my DC and we are lucky enough to be able to afford it. Our local schools are poor and I am sure that the education my DC has been far superior than that they would have had at our local state options.

However, in your situation you really have to think very carefully as it is such as huge proportion of your income. And you also need to think about the inevitable extra's. The extensive uniform and games kit(s) including equipment (own hockey stick/tennis rackets etc, indoor and outdoor trainers). If they have music lessons or they have additional trips or activities- you'll have to pay for those too.

Maybe you need to try and boost your income over the next few months to see what can be realistically be done. If you were able to boost it to cover the fees, then it may be a more viable option.

I also think you need to consider your DS. He may not be academically as able as your DD but his talents may also be nurtured in a private school where coaching etc can be much more tailored (we have found). For instance, friends DS is showing signs of being a talented rugby player. The PE department put together a fitness programme specifically for him and help him with his training. DD is talented in a different (non school) sport- she gets some of her games time off to attend training in her sport. She too has had a fitness programme formulated for her and has even had specific physiotherapy support. Most of the children doing county level and above have had this support. Anyway, my point being if you can't offer DS similar opportunities suited to his needs then it would be unfair to do this for DD.

We haven’t done it because my husband’s plan for or retirement worries me. We earn more this you.

Move house!!

Yes it is worth it if you can afford it. But I don’t think you can. It’s not just the fees it’s everything else. At my private school it’s cost 100 to sit each exam. We had to have 3 different PE kits etc. Educational trips are more frequent and more expensive.

I also went to a crap state school.

Private school kids tend to be more confident etc. I would send her to a good comp, spend a couple of hundred a month on things that will develop her confidence I.e amdram or debate clubs and put the rest towards a house deposit.

Do you think she will be happy with all those posh people. Buy a house ffs
Missing - so all ‘posh’ people are awful, are they? You sounded pretty narrow minded.
What would you think of a poster who said ‘don’t send your dc to state school. Do you think they will be happy with all those oiks?’