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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After school detention - AIBU to say no

432 replies

Florasnotin · 01/02/2019 13:02

DD and DS missed the school bus this morning. Completely my fault, I took their phones from them last night and forgot to set the alarm. They caught the public bus and were 15 mins late.

They've both been given an after school detention on Monday.

AIBU to say no. Punishment doesn't really fit the crime and it wasn't even their fault. I've always stood by the school when it comes to discipline but this seems overly harsh

OP posts:
Dandelio · 02/02/2019 11:34

Then they'd get a longer detention or isolation.

noblegiraffe · 02/02/2019 11:40

I'd be phoning the school on Monday and telling the head they're not going.

Do people actually do this or just wankily post about it on MN?

Who really thinks the head gives a shit? I hope the head has a gatekeeper anyway to fend this crap off.

GrammarTeacher · 02/02/2019 11:46

Noble - is it perhaps different in primaries and some people think it's the same as that in secondary.

TheBigBangRocks · 02/02/2019 11:48

So you didn't set the alarm either then knowing they would be late didn't take them in the car? But school is being unreasonable Hmm

PurpleCrowbar · 02/02/2019 11:50

I don't think it's even like that in primaries...

You wouldn't get through to the Head on that one, Blue. Their PA would fob you off, & the kids would either do the detention or not...if they didn't, the next level sanction would apply.

Ultimately, your power as parent here is to agree that you are unwilling to abide by school policies & make other arrangements for your dc's education.

Mosschopz · 02/02/2019 11:51

Fucking idiot parents on here trying to teach the school what’s what by refusing the behaviour policy. What’s it teaching the kids if you get all shirty with the school every time they try and uphold consistent discipline?

CatsPawsAndWhiskers · 02/02/2019 12:08

Do people actually do this or just wankily post about it on MN?

Who really thinks the head gives a shit? I hope the head has a gatekeeper anyway to fend this crap off.

I've never spoke to the headteacher about anything like this but I did phone the school to explain my child being late, as I posted earlier. I spoke to the receptionist who said no problem, bring a note and there won't be a detention. I'm really glad they use a bit of common sense. Our son is rarely late for school, behaves well, engages in lessons so I'd feel a bit annoyed if they made him do a detention because he was a bit late as a one off. Even if you set an alarm, it's possible to sleep through it. It happens sometimes, I don't think it needs to be punished. If a child is persistently late then I think a detention is fair.

Consolidatedyourloins · 02/02/2019 12:14

What is this going to teach them? Make sure your mum doesn't forget to set the alarm?

That they should buy/ask for their own alarm clocks? A good lesson that you shouldn't always rely on anyone, including your mum.

jalpie · 02/02/2019 12:17

oh christ - the hand wringing in these responses in unbelievable. Bottom line - schools are service providers, parents are in charge - it should not be the other way around! School systems in the UK impose draconian and over-reaching rules - not for the good of the kids but because it is the only way they can make their shit-ass resources stretch. If you're happy being corralled like a herd of cattle, fair-enough but some parents might actually want to fight a little harder to retain autonomy over how their children are raised .. perhaps if you weren't all so concerned about slavishly following unreasonable rules, you might have created a society who hadn't landed themselves in the Brexit pickle

GrammarTeacher · 02/02/2019 12:22

That's ridiculous I'm so many ways!
Mainly that we're providing a 'service' to parents. Nope and thrice nope. I am educating their children. For that to happen they need to be there on time.
Don't like rules? Absolutely fine. But home educate then if you think so little of us.

GrammarTeacher · 02/02/2019 12:23

Oh for an edit button in not I'm

Dandelio · 02/02/2019 12:23

Noble - is it perhaps different in primaries and some people think it's the same as that in secondary
No, they usually keep them in at lunchtime at primary school not after school, so you wouldn't know about it til it had already happened

GrammarTeacher · 02/02/2019 12:24

I meant more the contacting teachers and the head

PurpleCrowbar · 02/02/2019 12:27

Heh.

& if you aren't happy with the service provided, you look for an alternative provider, then, no?

Honestly, jalpie - if your dc attended the school where I teach, & they missed a detention, they'd just get another detention - but longer & with the Deputy Head.

If they didn't attend that, then the following day they'd be sitting in isolation waiting for you to come in & discuss whether you were willing to support the behaviour policy or if you'd prefer to take them home with you.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 02/02/2019 12:27

Sometimes you think replies on MN couldn't get any more bizarre then jalpie posts

PurpleCrowbar · 02/02/2019 12:32

Mind you, the idea that ignoring rules & throwing hissy fits when they're politely explained isn't pretty much how the Brexit mess happened has made me chuckle, so thanks fog that! Wink

Pandapop88 · 02/02/2019 12:36

Wow.... tbh if it were a case of being late ad as a singular occurrence rather than regularly & was a result of circumstances beyond their control, why should they be punished? I wouldn't accept that as an adult, let alone teach my kids that they should be punished for it. YANBU. Also as for the comment about life not being fair.... there is plenty of time to learn that as you grow, don't need to thrust it onto your kids at the earliest opportunity!! 🙄

Bluelady · 02/02/2019 12:40

Please tell us that's a piss take, @jalpie.

CarolDanvers · 02/02/2019 12:43

I agree with you @jalpie.

GrammarTeacher · 02/02/2019 12:55

Ok Carol, how the hell is it schools' fault that Brexit is happening. Education level had a positive correlation with voting remain. But please enlighten me has to how this mess is my fault. I could do with something else to cause me anxiety.

Original poster
Florasnotin · 02/02/2019 12:56

I am enjoying all these posts where people pretend there is a range of provision if a certain school doesn't' have rules that you agree with.
Its the same on the uniform threads.

They are all the bloody same. Where are these schools with relaxed uniform rules etc etc? Stop pretending there is a choice here if our children are state educated.

OP posts:
GrammarTeacher · 02/02/2019 13:01

There is a choice. There is always a choice. Don't like what the state provides? Don't use it.
I have 30 hours left with my year 11 class before study leave. Every minute counts at this point. They miss my lesson because they couldn't get up? Then yes, I will detain them to cover the work they missed. At this point I don't really care whose 'fault' it is, I just want my students to do as well as I can. But no, moaning about being told what to wear or getting into trouble for breaking rules is more important.
If you disagree with a rule deal with it in the appropriate manner. Raise it with the head/governors before breaking the rule.

MaisyPops · 02/02/2019 13:13

Just when you think mumsnet school posts couldn't get more hysterical you get jalpie's post. Grin
That has to be a wind up. Surely no sensible adult would believe that there should be 1 policy but with 1,200 different varieties based on who fancies doing each rule.

Baconmaker · 02/02/2019 13:14

I agree it's a fairly OTT punishment but it wouldn't be something I would bother challenging personally. I don't agree because you've "chosen" a school (if any choice was really available) you have to happily support every policy and decision they make but on the other hand if it wasn't massively detrimental to my child I wouldn't make a fuss.

If I had a really serious grievance I would probably be taken more seriously if I wasn't sweating the small stuff earlier on.

Baconmaker · 02/02/2019 13:17

There is a choice. There is always a choice. Don't like what the state provides? Don't use it.

Well that's just stupid and you know it. Not every parent has the level of time and education to home educate. I wouldn't make a fuss about one detention but I would object to a policy that was detrimental to my child. Some schools have terrible knowledge and support for SEN for example and can do real damage. I would 100% stop them damaging my child in this case.