to not want ex dating school mum

[debbie1990]

We have 2 DS's together, split 2 years ago and we both have had a few dates, nothing major and both are single. There is no chance of reconciliation and there genuinely is no feelings there but we are friendly for DS's.

Another school mum stopped me this morning and said that it's so nice I was so chilled about exP and "Jane" . I was a bit confused and asked what she meant, apparently when exP picks up the children they've been all walking home together, despite exP home in the other direction and have now swapped numbers and have been talking.

I know it's up to exP who he dates but it feels a bit embarrassing so close to home, it would also be weird for the children who know her as x's mum. If all doesn't go to plan won't it make it awkward for everyone involved?

I feel a bit miffed of all the women at the world he is chasing one that I know. Do I just butt out and hope the talking comes to nothing??

I don't think you get a say I am afraid.

Is Jane an actual friend of yours?

I would butt right out. YABU and risk damaging the friendly relations you maintain with your ex.

AS awful as it could be, you don't get to say anything. You can think what you like, though.

Is she just someone you know in passing? Regardless of that any way, it’s none of your business. Unless it’s your best mate in the world!

Don't say a thing, this will not end well for you and everyone on the playground will avoid you like the plague. Let it play out.

Yes you butt out , you’ve been parted 2 years who he dates is really none of your business.

Ok so you know of her, well it’s tough really becuase they are adults and can like and date who they want

I mean, I would probably feel the same as you, but it's really none of your business.

They're both free to date whoever they want, after all.

Well, isn't that mum a shit stirrer. I'd mention to your ex that some mums are gossiping. He's an adult. He'll need to weigh up whether he wants to change his behaviour to appease school gossips or whether their comments/criticisms are valid.
It's highly unlikely he'll drop the friendship just because you ask but if you tell him they're the talk of the steamie, he might decide it's not worth it.

There is no law that says your ex can’t date friends or whoever so you are being VVU

he is chasing one that I know

That's a strange way of putting it. How do you know he did the chasing (or indeed that anyone did)? Surely it is far more likely that they got chatting at the school gate (cos what else is there to do) and found they get on well. If you genuinely have no feeling for him then I'd be wishing them well tbh.

You don’t actually know what’s going on. They could just be friends. You absolutely can’t say anything either way.

I suggest you wish to use ex well and keep your nose well out of his business. Any reaction from you will make you the local topic of gossip.

It's more likely to go to plan if school mums & OP keep their noses out. If it doesn't go to plan then , kids will be leaving school at some point and/or might be able to walk home without parents. If "Jane" is SM then she is probably sick to death of happily married school Mums treating her like a threat - to her credit that she is with a single Dad and not knocking off a married school Dad.
Or the headmaster.

Well, isn't that mum a shit stirrer. I'd mention to your ex that some mums are gossiping. What, so, beat her at shit stirring ?

The person who told you didn't think it was great you were so chilled. She wanted to cause a shit storm and watch it play out.

But it's non of your business

No there's no law but it seems the same as me dating someone in his office or something it just seems weird and makes me feel uncomfortable especially when other mum's are aware too.

She's not a friend per say but we did used to chat most days at the school gate, when I now think about it she has avoided me a few weeks. Our DC are in the same class and we all wait in the same area.

I think people seeing her as a threat is a bit of a leap. There are a fair few single parents (myself included) no one seems to assume we are all after anyone else's husband and this is not the case here.

I do know my ex though and how he is and he doesn't generally "befriend" women without an agenda of some sort and would never ask for someone's number just to chat about the children, it's obvious there's interest there.

There is no issue here. It’s not the same as dating a colleague as you have no relationship with her.

That playground gossip mum only came up to you to stir the pot, didn’t she? I would say you are more embarrassed about being the centre of gossip that you didn’t know about maybe? The exact same thing happened in my DD year. An ex dad stared a relationship with an ex mum. Bitchy comments made, dirty looks etc. I played dumb to it all because I cannot stand crap like that. They now live together with both their DD’s. I’m not saying that this is the case for you, but bear in mind she could end up being around your DC more in the future. Just be pleasant to her, say ‘hello’ and keep it all lighthearted. Just remember why he is an ex and she’s welcome to it!

You and he split up. He gets to live his life and you get to live yours. Unless your children are being harmed in some way, you don't get a say on whom he dates or with whom he chooses to have a relationship.

There's no evidence of any real "harm" here to the children. It may seem weird to you, but it's his life.

Uncomfortable for you, but none of your business so don't say anything to either of them. And be aware of the one who brought it to your attention - full on shit stirrer. Was likely gleefully hoping for a big reaction to gossip about. Ugh.

Um it's nothing like you dating someone from his office- the school gate isn't your space, he is their father and has as much right as you to socialise with whoever he wants to there.
I'd feel awkward about it but I would never ever let on.

I really don't think you can do anything about this.

It is a bit off. No one wants to think their ex is shagging someone they know and/or telling them personal stuff.