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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want ex dating school mum

120 replies

debbie1990 · 31/01/2019 16:44

We have 2 DS's together, split 2 years ago and we both have had a few dates, nothing major and both are single. There is no chance of reconciliation and there genuinely is no feelings there but we are friendly for DS's.

Another school mum stopped me this morning and said that it's so nice I was so chilled about exP and "Jane" . I was a bit confused and asked what she meant, apparently when exP picks up the children they've been all walking home together, despite exP home in the other direction and have now swapped numbers and have been talking.

I know it's up to exP who he dates but it feels a bit embarrassing so close to home, it would also be weird for the children who know her as x's mum. If all doesn't go to plan won't it make it awkward for everyone involved?

I feel a bit miffed of all the women at the world he is chasing one that I know. Do I just butt out and hope the talking comes to nothing??

OP posts:

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 31/01/2019 17:26

He's a free agent and at liberty to date whomsoever he pleases so technically YABU
I understand what you are getting at.
You must say nothing, and let it pan out whatever way it will.

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 17:26

It's really not the same as saying a colleague of his. Though i dont think that woild br awful either. Do you spend 8 hours day, with her? Need to work together on things with her everyday, know apart from chit chatting?

No, so it's not the same.

bananaramaspyjamas · 31/01/2019 17:27

YABU sorry, I think a lot of romances start this way among divorced parents. I can see why it feels a bit awkward though. Easier if it's a big school and depends on age of dcs.

Agree the other mum who told you was a shit stirrer though.

SD1978 · 31/01/2019 17:28

Other parent is a supreme shit stirrer who no doubt was rubbing there hands in glee. This is between them and not you- so far all you e got is shit stirrer telling you they have exchanged numbers. So what? Leave it, and wait for one of them (ex or the mum involved) to approach you about it. It may juts be for play dates for the kids, it may not. Don't rise to this being an issue x

NameChangeNugget · 31/01/2019 17:30

I think YABVU

He’s a free agent, it’s not like he’s with your best friend

Original poster

debbie1990 · 31/01/2019 17:31

Yes a lot of how I feel is based around feeling that it's being spoken about I suppose. I'm quite a private person and liked that although we are all chatty and friendly that no one knew the ins and outs of my life. I feel really uncomfortable knowing it will be spoken about behind my back and that he could potentially tell her things about me etc. I just wish my life and his dating life were separate that's all.

If the shoe were on the other foot I just wouldn't entertain the idea of a school dad as it just puts everyone in an uncomfortable position if it doesn't work out or if it does.

OP posts:

Original poster

debbie1990 · 31/01/2019 17:33

For what it's worth I don't think for one second the mum who told me actually thought I was "chilled" about it and most likely either wanted my opinion (to gossip over) or to stir the pot if I didn't already know. I wouldn't mention anything to the mum or treat her any different I was just a bit shocked I guess that ex would go down that path but yes none of my business really just imo a bit of a lack of respect as it's kind of putting his relationship/dating right for all I know to see.

OP posts:

purplemirrors · 31/01/2019 17:34

When I was a kid my friends Dad split from her Mum and then moved in with one of the class TAs. That was awkward!

I wouldn't like this either OP but unfortunately I don't think you can do anything about it ☹️

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 17:34

If the shoe were on the other foot I just wouldn't entertain the idea of a school dad as it just puts everyone in an uncomfortable position if it doesn't work out or if it does.*

It's ok saying that. But you haven't met a dad at school that your are attracted to. So you couldn't actually say that.

EE1980 · 31/01/2019 17:36

Parent who told you sounds lovely - not. She should get a life.

bananaramaspyjamas · 31/01/2019 17:37

The mum who told you was totally wanting to get your reaction so as to go and spread more gossip imo. She may be a massive gossip but other people may not be particularly interested in it, look at it that way.

staydazzling · 31/01/2019 17:37

it's understandable youre upset its a crappy thing to do, on both sides, he could have at least cast his net a bit wider, and she must have more front that a cruise liner! , but,sadly its not your decision and its his choice, but nevertheless stinks

TatianaLarina · 31/01/2019 17:38

The mum was likely just tactfully letting OP know.

Belenus · 31/01/2019 17:43

No one wants to think their ex is shagging someone they know and/or telling them personal stuff.

I live in a rural town, population 1500. Pretty much everyone's current partner is the ex of someone they know. Heck, a friend of mine has been quite encouraging about me dating her ex. You just have to be a grown up about it.

Not much you can do about it, OP. It's quite a reasonable way to meet someone. You can't help how you feel, but you're also going to need to leave them to it.

Shockers · 31/01/2019 17:43

If your relationship with him is good, I’d mention the conversation and your worry about your privacy. Something along the lines of, ‘I’m guessing you’ll have much more important things to talk about to her than me, but I’d really appreciate your discretion as the gossips are already sticking their noses in.’

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 17:45

and she must have more front that a cruise liner!

Why? You can't date someone if they have dated someone you vaguely know?

NannyRed · 31/01/2019 17:46

It’s his life now, you have nothing to do with who he chooses to date or screw or marry.

Does he tell you what to do? ....no, of course not, let him be. Be the bigger person here and let him have a life or are you seriously upset that he’s not still sobbing himself to sleep because you’ve moved on?

CatsPawsAndWhiskers · 31/01/2019 17:47

It's ok saying that. But you haven't met a dad at school that your are attracted to. So you couldn't actually say that.

She can say that. I would be exactly the same. I'd put my children's happiness first and they would be unhappy if I dated another dad at the school. People gossip and it could get messy.

Dextrodependant · 31/01/2019 17:48

There was a single dad at the kids primary school and he went through a few of the mum's, there was a fight in the play ground. Now that would be awkward. Your situation, not so much.

Nicknacky · 31/01/2019 17:52

CatsPaws Why would you even care what people thought?

Shockers · 31/01/2019 17:55

Dextrodependent, sounds very familiar- does his name begin with D?

CatsPawsAndWhiskers · 31/01/2019 17:57

Nicknacky

Because it might impact my children. I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me, but if it affects my children, that's different.

Nicknacky · 31/01/2019 17:59

CatsPaws What people think about you won’t affect you kids.

Date or not date who you want to, it’s no one else’s business and who cares what they think.

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 18:03

She can say that. I would be exactly the same. I'd put my children's happiness first and they would be unhappy if I dated another dad at the school. People gossip and it could get messy.

No you don't. People meet, they get on, they become attracted and get feelings you have no idea if you would walk away unless you actually have.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 31/01/2019 18:05

Nonw of your business. Unless she poses a threat to your children stay out of it.

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