AIBU to my sister over inheritance?

[LadyDracula]

6 years ago my father died leaving a generous amount to my sister and I (around 35k each) and left a substantial amount (135k) to my two children who are now 14 and 15. It was my fathers wishes for the money to be used towards educating my children as education was something he truly valued, yet at the time my sister and I growing up, he was unable to fulfil.

Fast forward to now, my sister has had 2 children (aged 1 and 3.5). I met up with her for lunch over the weekend for a general catch up and mentioned I have just been buying additional uniform for my Dd14. She said to me that she was looking around local private schools for her son who is due to start school next year and that she wanted to know how much the ‘budget’ was per term or per year. When I asked her what she meant she explained she wanted to know how much money was left for her two children’s education from the inheritance Dad left. When I explained none and that it had been spent (or will be spent over the next few years) on my two dc she went mental and ranted on about how selfish I had been and she had never thought for one second I would spend all of ‘our’ money on my own kids. I was totally blown away and hadn’t for one minute assumed he expected any of the money. My children both attended state primary schools and I only enrolled them at the local private schools for their secondary education. At the time I enrolled my youngest she was only just pregnant with her first child and when Dad left the money in his will he said for X and Y (my kids). My sister was an older first time mother (39) and I suspect my father thought she had chosen a career over a family. I suppose I had that thought too.

My sister left and after ignoring my calls for 2 days has said today that she needs to know my next steps. She went on to explain my best option is to move my children from their current school - including my eldest who is now studying for GCSEs - to a cheaper one and she can have the difference. I told her that won’t be happening and that my children are settled and happy. She then went on that yet again it’s all about my children etc etc.

I have no idea how to make this situation any better and don’t want to lose my relationship with my only sister over this. I am a single mum so there’s no way I could ever afford to subsidise the costs either to appease my sister and give her some money. Equally I do feel awful because I know there’s no way her and her DH could afford to pay for a private education for their children either, and now she feels like her kids have been treated unfairly.

Your dad has made a mistake and he wouldn’t want you both fighting over it . He was trying to help his grandchildren .

I know it’s hard but you need to split the money 5 ways , give her her share for her two children and keep whatever remains for your children . Your dad left enough money to put 5 children through almost three years of private school each . Be grateful and pay the rest yourselves from your wages .

I don't think you are one bit selfish op. I wouldn't be remortgaging, I wouldn't be giving her a cent and after her attitude about moving the kids schools I wouldn't be apologising either.

Look the fact is your Dad did his will based on the situation he was in and not "what if's", he willed it to your kids not you, he named them, you carried out his wishes. You didn't think to split it when another child came along AND NEITHER DID she, she didn't think of it either, she has just thought of it and is mad at herself for not thinking of it earlier and she is chancing her arm. Even if you both thought of it it wasn't your money to give away, it was your children's money.

Nopety nope nope. At 37 and single saying she never wanted kids then I can totally see why your dad would never have thought of this. It's a simple case of bad luck tough shit

@Tweety1981 you do know that the OP legally can't do that right?

I don't think this could ever be resolved to everyone's satisfaction. Personally I can envisage someone leaving money to grandchildren they know and love but not making provision for unlimited future grandchildren. If your sister was going to make the argument that your dad would have wanted you to help her kids as well, then she needed to speak up long before now.

Did your DF create the will with a solicitor? If so, I would imagine that the possibility of future grandchildren was pointed out to him.

I don’t know about legal , I just see it as a family issue .

I know their dad doesn’t want them both fighting about this

Aaah I see what you mean.

The money legally us the property of the children .

Hmmmm

Ohdeargodlookatthismess exactly!

OPs children should come first because they stand to be most damaged here. Either by being randomly taken out of schools they are used to or having their home remortgaged. Just for a token financial gesture to a huffy sister. I understand why the sister is hurt by the will but it is not ops kids fault. It is hurtful that provision was not made for her potential children in the will... but it wasnt.... now why should OPs chikdren suffer to appease her hurt?

Possibly the father knew that £135k would only stretch to the two grandchildren he had, which is why he discounted the possibility of more in favour of the two children he had known, loved and bonded with.

Jesus, why didn’t your sister complain about the complete unfairness about how the will was being split at the time?

Because she didn't have any children at the time. It was a couple of years later that she fell pregnant. In a way, the will should have been over and done with at that point. It's only because the money is still being currently spent that she thinks it can be re-distributed. That wouldn't be expected in any other scenario. One of my grandparents left very small (around 2K each) to my 4 nephews and nieces. I didn't have kids at the time. When I did, some years later, it never crossed my mind to go after them for some of it to be passed my kids' way. It was presumably long gone, but even if they each had had it sitting in the bank, it was theirs.

Interesting question, but again it depends on where the money is.

THE OP ANSWERED ^^ THAT SHE COULD NOT HAVE MORE CHILDREN.

This thread is classic RTFT material. We should have a category for that.

Pyong I take it you have a copy of the will to hand?

@Tweety198 - if the money was left, by the terms of the will, to OP's dc by name for their education, the OP cannot spit that money - she would be breaking the law if she did. At that point it's not 'a family matter' it a legal one.

This isn't about you and your sister, it's about the 4 kids.

Not sure hpw it could fixed.

And who audits how the money is spent??

I know their dad doesn’t want them both fighting about this

No you dont.

I have seen wills being used in the most horrible ways to punish or hurt people. The scapegoat child being left nothing, the child who married the wrong person being written out, all sorts. Just yesterday there was an OP who has been seperated but not divorced from her ex for years. His mothers will stated he will only get his inheritance when he has divorced the OP, therefore pushing him to do what she wants even after death.

You really dont know that there isnt more to this, more perhaps than even the OP knows.

Tweety1981 there are only 4 children.

I don't think the op hasn't comeback and clarified because she's hiding anything what is there to hide from a group of strangers! I think she has had a pasting on here on the whole and at the end of the day all she has gotten out of it is she needs legal advice which she is going to seek.

These were the posts that summed up my thoughts -

I don’t think it is clear who the money was left to, actually.

The OP says her children were named beneficiaries, but people use legal terms loosely.

The money may have been left to the children and gone automatically into a trust for them as they are under 18.

Or the money may have been left to the OP, with the words “for the education of X and Y”.

If the latter, a lay person might easily say that X and Y were beneficiaries, but they wouldn’t be. OP would be the beneficiary and the wish of the deceased to use it for X and Y wouldn’t be legally binding. In that case, the OP could have split the money with her sister when she had children, of OP believed that her father would have wanted to support all his grandchildren’s educations - but had not expected or anticipated more being born.

OP doesn’t say anything about the creation of a trust or executors, so I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that her children weren’t actually beneficiaries.

And

Everyone is saying that it is legally the children's and she can't do anything... we don't know because she hasn't answered that.

She said they were named in the will, but hadn't talked about the trust being set up and being physically unable to access the money for anything other then her children's education.

Her dad could have left it to them as beneficiaries. Then OP can't because it isn't hers.

Or her dad could have left it all to her, with a simple "for your children" note. That doesn't make them benfeciaies and the money isn't legally theirs.

If it's the former, then OP can do nothing but it is shit for her sister.

If it's the latter, then OP absolutely could have split it. And she knows her dad would want all his grandchildren to benefit, so when her sister fell pregnant she should have discussed with her sister how many children they planned to have so they could come up with a fair split.

I can’t help thinking that this isn’t an OPs-hands-are-tied, money-in-trust situation, because the OP would have just said to her sister that there’s fuck all she (OP) can do about it, that would be that and this thread wouldn’t exist. She’d probably also have mentioned it on this post at some point as so many people have asked about it.

The fact that she hasn’t, and that she’s tried to justify it with all the talk of her sister’s big house and cushy lifestyle makes me think that actually, she could have shared the money, she just didn’t want to.

I know their dad doesn’t want them both fighting about this

Then the sister should stop trying to take her niece/nephew's money.

I take it you have a copy of the will to hand?

Why do I need one?

From what the OP has said there are 2 options. Either the money was left to the OP to spend on the kids education, or it was left to the kids directly. Either way, it wasnt left to the sister. Legally and morally she doesnt (and cant if it was left to the kids) have to split it.

The only way she would have to split it is if the sister contested the will and was awarded half of the 135k, she didnt so.....

Totally agree Angelo

Guys, this thread has got Daily Mail written all over it.

The fact that she hasn’t, and that she’s tried to justify it with all the talk of her sister’s big house and cushy lifestyle makes me think that actually, she could have shared the money, she just didn’t want to

Yep.

I have to say that this £135K would have been one of the very first things I would have thought of as soon as my sister announced she was pregnant.

At 00:20, OP's possibly gone to bed!