To feel frustrated with friend

[Fabaunt]

I’ll try keep this brief. My DP and her DH are brothers. She is one of my closest friends. Neither her or DH work, myself and DP would have good jobs. Myself and DP are getting married in 13 months, and have no children. She has 2. 4yr old and 2yr old.

Initially both myself and DP would have been very generous with DNs but favours soon became tasks. It was expected rather than appreciated.

A few things have reared their heads that has irritated me a lot. The 4 of us went away for a long weekend. On the last night they made it known money was tight and she wanted to spend what she had left on stuff for the kids. We decided to have a quiet night, and just go to the cinema and for dinner afterwards. DP ended up paying for the tickets and snacks at the cinema because neither his brother or my friend made a play to put their hands in their pocket.

My DP was quite irritated and afterwards when we went to dinner he told me he hoped he wasn’t expected to pay. Sure enough, we all ordered, they ordered beer and cocktails, she ordered duck and a starter. Bill came, and DP took out his phone to split the bill. We owed £42, they owed £60. Friend was quite taken aback but they paid. The whole way back to hotel, she blanked me and refused to speak to me. She was odd with me the next day so I spoke to her. She told me she felt DP was mean, and tight because he knew her DH and herself were broke and needed what was left for presents for her kids. She said it wasn’t like we were stuck for money and if he really couldn’t afford it he could have put their share on his card and they would pay him back when they got home.

DP is always the one left paying for taxis and drinks, in fact at their DS2 christening, her DH asked DP to pay for the food.

If we are out with them DP has to remind his brother he hasn’t bought a round.

I used to always buy her oldest son an outfit at his birthday and Christmas (top, jumper, pants, shoes/sneakers) and toys. After the second was born she would ask for more expensive things, and would ask for matching converse etc. The toys she would pick out would be expensive too.

I didn’t mind that so much until I saw her sell presents I had given (that she had picked out) on Facebook marketplace, for almost the price I paid.

DP told me to stop spoiling the children and in the last year I have picked up a toy each, for birthdays and Christmas. Her DH has told DP I have upset my friend because she feels I don’t care about the boys anymore.

We are going on a cruise for our honeymoon and ending it with 3 nights in NYC, and herself and her DH are talking about joining us and making a proper holiday out of it.

I don’t want to share our honeymoon because I know we will end up paying for a lot of their expenses.

How would you deal with money issues coming between our friendship?

Seriously OP - hide her so you can't see her ridiculous posts. I'd also restrict my profile to her, if you're reluctant to block completely.

Someone is looking for attention... I wonder what tomorrow will bring if you ignore her?

We don’t need them anymore because we have all the love and support we need.

Big words that'll last till they realise they now have noone to leech off for a night out, restaurant meal, babysitting, trip to New York etc. Bet the folk saying 'that's awful hun' on Facebook won't be volunteering to do any of those things. And even if they do, good luck to them.

God you have more restraint than me OP!

I’d have told her to grow the fuck up and stop playing the victim by now. She’d have had a mouthful off me telling her all the home thruths about herself she needs to be told, to quit being a massive hypocrite and then told her to fuck off and blocked her.

She is a pathetic child. Posting fucking Facebook memes? I mean how old is she, 12? I hate it when people do this kind of childish crap.

Don’t reply to anything on Facebook, it will only give her licence to get at you more.
If you do feel the need to have it out with her about the shit she’s saying, then do it directly.

Delurking to tell you that you are doing the right thing. Dignified silence as hard as it may be.
She will never comprehend the amount of help you have given her. She does not think like you do. You will drive yourself crazy trying to get her to understand.
My SIL was similar and when we finally had it out she was oblivious. She lived in the moment when it came to ya helping them. Asked, got, forgot. Yet anything they did back was indelibly remembered and cast up.
There ya no reasoning with Crazy.
💐 for you. Thus must be so hard. But necessary and you will feel better and more free in the end.

Posting fucking Facebook memes? I mean how old is she, 12? I hate it when people do this kind of childish crap. Don’t reply to anything on Facebook, it will only give her licence to get at you more.

Yup! Honestly, she’s acting terribly. Properly terribly.

But the money, the meme forgot to mention the money, does she have all the money (and sausages) that she needs?

Ignore, ignore and ignore some more.

Has DP and BIL spoken since, I do hope that they are still able to maintain a relationship throughout all this.

What a mess, I feel so sorry for you for having to put up with her for so long op! I hope your dp and bil are able to continue a normal relationship.

I'm disabled and on benefits AND I've been a single mum for 16 years. I NEVER expect others to cover my costs, I budget and live according to MY means

To whoever said this above, I'd disagree with you. If you're on benefits, you expect the taxpayer to cover your costs. Not judging you for being on benefits but yes, you do expect others to cover your costs, and cover your costs they do.

She is absolutely devastated because the gravy train has derailed.

Do not think for one second this is about anything else than that and expect her to go lower.

Just ride this the fuck out and glide like a swan. She will stop her nonsense eventually but for now she is acting like a vampire that’s been smashed in the face with a bucket of holy water.

Ignore.

Leave her to it op. See what sort of financial contributions she gets off her so called fab friends. When it is fuck all she will be back crawling....
And you can tell her :
Off you pop cunty chops. ...

Yes, I think you can snooze someone or unfollow them. You won’t see their posts but they have no way of knowing you have done this. It’s better than blocking, which is pretty obvious when you’ve been blocked.

Her behavior is like a toddler. She’s attention seeking and being ridiculous.

Girls, I have to say, I am beyond grateful for the advice and asskicking I received from you all. I would NEVER and I mean that, have stood up for myself to the degree I did at the weekend because I genuinely didn’t see it. I know we are just faceless strangers but thanks to you ALL, every one of you, I will have the wedding I want. Whatever about anything else, that will mean so much to me. I never plan on marrying again, so it was my one shot. Money, honeymoon, everything else pales in comparison.

At times I did feel like a soft mug, and I am certainly not that person, but I needed to feel like that because I needed to be angry enough to stand up for us.

So just incase I appear ungrateful, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for every single one of your input.

Post this OP.

She'll soon learn how good you guys are to them when her kids want new trainers...

Or...

I'm disabled and on benefits AND I've been a single mum for 16 years. I NEVER expect others to cover my costs, I budget and live according to MY means

To whoever said this above, I'd disagree with you. If you're on benefits, you expect the taxpayer to cover your costs. Not judging you for being on benefits but yes, you do expect others to cover your costs, and cover your costs they do.

Burn!

Good grief she's childish - I really would be sooooo sooooo tempted to post a link to this thread in the reply.
But I think blocking her is probably the best thing to do!

To whoever said this above, I'd disagree with you. If you're on benefits, you expect the taxpayer to cover your costs. Not judging you for being on benefits but yes, you do expect others to cover your costs, and cover your costs they do

To whoever said this above, YOU must feel so much better for having reminded this disabled poster that she receives benefits. Bravo to you.

Can’t believe she flounced out but managed to cook and eat sausages on the way. Stay calm OP!

Well done for staying calm in the face of such provocation! You are a better woman than I!

Have you made enquiries regarding your hen yet? Just wondering if your mates have been asked to stump up £500 for a £100 hen night!!

A disabled single mother - that’s where I really want the benefits to go!! That is who deserves them - not some sponging woman and a toss pot who is too busy to work because of his gym regime!!

Nobody made any payments yet! I am going to plan my own I think. I am half thinking about asking my friend who commented on the profile pic to be my bridesmaid. I know there will be drama if she is replaced. The bridesmaids dresses are stunning. She picked them out and while they were expensive, they’re amazing. I know she will be devastated if someone else wears “her” dress. I have no doubt she will expect to be bridesmaid even after her performance

Maybe you should post on her meme ‘calm your tits’ (I love that expression by the way, I shall use to at the next available opportunity)

But in all honesty, she’s trying to drag you into an online slagging match by posting that shite on fb. She won’t put the truth on there, as she’ll show herself up to be the gold digger she is. So she posts passive aggressive stuff on there and her more stupid friends will back her up wanting to know what’s gone on.

Quite a big bust up to come back from and expect to be a bm! I expect she is hoping it will all blow over soon and normal service will resume. Little does she know, this is the new, improved Fabaunt she is dealing with!!