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Original poster

To feel frustrated with friend

904 replies

Fabaunt · 29/01/2019 13:45

I’ll try keep this brief. My DP and her DH are brothers. She is one of my closest friends. Neither her or DH work, myself and DP would have good jobs. Myself and DP are getting married in 13 months, and have no children. She has 2. 4yr old and 2yr old.

Initially both myself and DP would have been very generous with DNs but favours soon became tasks. It was expected rather than appreciated.

A few things have reared their heads that has irritated me a lot. The 4 of us went away for a long weekend. On the last night they made it known money was tight and she wanted to spend what she had left on stuff for the kids. We decided to have a quiet night, and just go to the cinema and for dinner afterwards. DP ended up paying for the tickets and snacks at the cinema because neither his brother or my friend made a play to put their hands in their pocket.

My DP was quite irritated and afterwards when we went to dinner he told me he hoped he wasn’t expected to pay. Sure enough, we all ordered, they ordered beer and cocktails, she ordered duck and a starter. Bill came, and DP took out his phone to split the bill. We owed £42, they owed £60. Friend was quite taken aback but they paid. The whole way back to hotel, she blanked me and refused to speak to me. She was odd with me the next day so I spoke to her. She told me she felt DP was mean, and tight because he knew her DH and herself were broke and needed what was left for presents for her kids. She said it wasn’t like we were stuck for money and if he really couldn’t afford it he could have put their share on his card and they would pay him back when they got home.

DP is always the one left paying for taxis and drinks, in fact at their DS2 christening, her DH asked DP to pay for the food.

If we are out with them DP has to remind his brother he hasn’t bought a round.

I used to always buy her oldest son an outfit at his birthday and Christmas (top, jumper, pants, shoes/sneakers) and toys. After the second was born she would ask for more expensive things, and would ask for matching converse etc. The toys she would pick out would be expensive too.

I didn’t mind that so much until I saw her sell presents I had given (that she had picked out) on Facebook marketplace, for almost the price I paid.

DP told me to stop spoiling the children and in the last year I have picked up a toy each, for birthdays and Christmas. Her DH has told DP I have upset my friend because she feels I don’t care about the boys anymore.

We are going on a cruise for our honeymoon and ending it with 3 nights in NYC, and herself and her DH are talking about joining us and making a proper holiday out of it.

I don’t want to share our honeymoon because I know we will end up paying for a lot of their expenses.

How would you deal with money issues coming between our friendship?

OP posts:
woolduvet · 04/02/2019 20:04

If you block her it draws a really solid line under this which will be hard to come back from, whether you want to or not is something you both need to think about.

chillpizza · 04/02/2019 20:14

Ignore. Pretend you haven’t even seen her comment. Don’t block her, don’t comment back, don’t like it or delete it. Just it’s not there you didn’t see it.

That way you do no wrong, you don’t stoop to her level and you really piss her off too.

Mumofaprinny · 04/02/2019 20:26

Wow!😳 what cf’s! Good for you Op and I hope you stick with the child free wedding! I would also block that nutcase!😁

BumbleBeee69 · 04/02/2019 21:51

She truly is a pathetic snidey nasty bitter jealous waste of space isn't she OP Flowers

BLOCK her

Tistheseason17 · 04/02/2019 22:27

Block

FrancisCrawford · 04/02/2019 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandAndSea · 04/02/2019 22:56

If you're going to keep it up, I would change your privacy settings for the post so that only those involved can see it.

chicaguapa · 04/02/2019 23:01

Reply "Having a child-free wedding does not mean we don't care about our nephews. Don't be ridiculous!"

Fairenuff · 04/02/2019 23:29

Don't reply. She will be eagerly waiting for that so don't give her the satisfaction.

But do delete the comment and block her.

It's the easiest way to step away from this without causing yourself any more stress or giving her the satisfaction of a drama.

ilovekale · 04/02/2019 23:47

Just read the latest updates! Well done OP for the talk with her.

BlackCatSleeping · 04/02/2019 23:47

I would just ignore the comment and leave it. She’s looking for drama. Deleting the comment or blocking her will give her just that. You have to grey stone her. Don’t react to her crazy, just be calm, reasonable and firm. Or at least pretend to be...

JazzyBBG · 05/02/2019 00:01

There's more to come here....
Let everyone see how mad she is, she won't dare show her face at the wedding.

GreenTulips · 05/02/2019 02:45

You’ve come a long way don’t cave now - stay strong and stick to your guns. This is the test of how far she can push you because she has before and won. She isn’t used to you saying NO and meaning it.

Don’t rise to her. Ignore. I wouldn’t even block her - she’d enjoy the drama of that.

AlexaAmbidextra · 05/02/2019 03:52

She’s assumed they’d be page boys, so we’ve got their suits.

No, no, no, no, no. Now you’re over-egging it. ☹️

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 05/02/2019 05:57

Well done standing up to her

billybagpuss · 05/02/2019 07:42

What did you decide to do OP?

and whens the wedding? congratulations
by the way FlowersCake

Holidayshopping · 05/02/2019 07:55

What a horrible pair.

PepperSteak · 05/02/2019 08:08

I don’t understand this post tbh.
“Nephew 1 has a lot of issues god love him. He is 10 years old and I would be scared to be on my own with him. He is vicious and volatile but it makes me sad because you can really see him try to be a good boy. His mother is nuts, and has used him for the last 8 years to manipulate and hurt BIL.” Thought the nephews were 4 and 2?

acatcalledjohn · 05/02/2019 08:11

Leave the message up but ignore it. Let her show her true colours to the world.

Don't block her either. Simply keep using FB as you normally would but only engage with her if her comments are normal. If she posts more rubbish then again leave her comments up and ignore.

In essence, like you would a child: reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour.

EssentialHummus · 05/02/2019 08:24

Don’t rise to her. Ignore. I wouldn’t even block her - she’d enjoy the drama of that.

Yup.

OnTheHop · 05/02/2019 08:46

Peppersteak OP posted that her BIL has an older child with an ex.

homeishere · 05/02/2019 09:00

She sounds mental. Best of out of it OP. Let your DP and his brother have a relationship (pints down the pub etc) and keep it as cordial as possible at future family gatherings, but scale the ‘friendship’ right back.

cstaff · 05/02/2019 11:14

Ignore completely OP. No reaction is about the worst you can do in this case.

Mmmhmmm · 05/02/2019 11:37

Unfriend and block.

I find it so ironic that she was so horribly offended that your DP according to her let you wear the trousers in the relationship, when it sounds like she's almost hen pecked her husband to death. 🤨

She really doesn't live in the real world.

Original poster
Fabaunt · 05/02/2019 11:49

So far I’ve ignored her, haven’t blocked or deleted or replied. My other friend (who hates her) has commented underneath how cute we are and how well make cute babies, totally ignoring her kids and her post.

OP posts: