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Original poster

To feel frustrated with friend

904 replies

Fabaunt · 29/01/2019 13:45

I’ll try keep this brief. My DP and her DH are brothers. She is one of my closest friends. Neither her or DH work, myself and DP would have good jobs. Myself and DP are getting married in 13 months, and have no children. She has 2. 4yr old and 2yr old.

Initially both myself and DP would have been very generous with DNs but favours soon became tasks. It was expected rather than appreciated.

A few things have reared their heads that has irritated me a lot. The 4 of us went away for a long weekend. On the last night they made it known money was tight and she wanted to spend what she had left on stuff for the kids. We decided to have a quiet night, and just go to the cinema and for dinner afterwards. DP ended up paying for the tickets and snacks at the cinema because neither his brother or my friend made a play to put their hands in their pocket.

My DP was quite irritated and afterwards when we went to dinner he told me he hoped he wasn’t expected to pay. Sure enough, we all ordered, they ordered beer and cocktails, she ordered duck and a starter. Bill came, and DP took out his phone to split the bill. We owed £42, they owed £60. Friend was quite taken aback but they paid. The whole way back to hotel, she blanked me and refused to speak to me. She was odd with me the next day so I spoke to her. She told me she felt DP was mean, and tight because he knew her DH and herself were broke and needed what was left for presents for her kids. She said it wasn’t like we were stuck for money and if he really couldn’t afford it he could have put their share on his card and they would pay him back when they got home.

DP is always the one left paying for taxis and drinks, in fact at their DS2 christening, her DH asked DP to pay for the food.

If we are out with them DP has to remind his brother he hasn’t bought a round.

I used to always buy her oldest son an outfit at his birthday and Christmas (top, jumper, pants, shoes/sneakers) and toys. After the second was born she would ask for more expensive things, and would ask for matching converse etc. The toys she would pick out would be expensive too.

I didn’t mind that so much until I saw her sell presents I had given (that she had picked out) on Facebook marketplace, for almost the price I paid.

DP told me to stop spoiling the children and in the last year I have picked up a toy each, for birthdays and Christmas. Her DH has told DP I have upset my friend because she feels I don’t care about the boys anymore.

We are going on a cruise for our honeymoon and ending it with 3 nights in NYC, and herself and her DH are talking about joining us and making a proper holiday out of it.

I don’t want to share our honeymoon because I know we will end up paying for a lot of their expenses.

How would you deal with money issues coming between our friendship?

OP posts:
CallMeRachel · 04/02/2019 15:38

Yes block the stupid attention seeking slug.

But before you do - PLEASE send her the link to this thread!!!!!!! Angry

She's made me so angry on your behalf, I wish I was your friend I'd have her arse kicked so far out of your life her feet wouldn't touch the ground before landing on the steps of the Jobcentre!!

LunafortJest · 04/02/2019 15:42

Say "I care enough about them not to subject them to a long ceremony in a church where they will be bored senseless and too young to understand. Shame I'm the only one who cares". And YES, please DO send her a link to here before blocking.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/02/2019 15:47

She is completely outing herself and a comment like that would raise eyebrows it lets people see what kind of a person she is.

You could reply.

"You know that I do love my nephews and if you have something to say to me, say it directly and not via inappropriate and unkind comments on my facebook page."

I think she's hoping you will take the bait and snap back. Its quite dramatic and she's hoping it will escalate the situation and make you look bad and give her an extra reason to blame her subsequent behaviour on you.

Blocking is quite a drastic first step something I'd save in reserve. You can put your facebook settings to Limited profile for her and put her on the restricted list for future posts.

Jux · 04/02/2019 15:58

"You know that I do love my nephews and if you have something to say to me, say it directly and not via inappropriate and unkind comments on my facebook page."

I would put something like that as a response rathe than explaining what it's actually about on fb. You know that if you say what the ptoblem is she'll use it aganst you to lots of randoms. If you say the above then she won't want many to see it.

Don't block for the moment.

punishmepunisher · 04/02/2019 16:00

My god she's a manipulative bitch isn't she.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 04/02/2019 16:16

Don’t block...yet

Give her three strikes...this is the first.

It also exposes her as being an absolute fucking wingnut to a large audience.

Don’t respond. Just leave it there.

Jokie · 04/02/2019 16:37

She's certainly not letting it go, is she? I'd either ignore or post something as mentioned above

Happinessisabook · 04/02/2019 16:44

I'd probably reply to the comment like suggested above. Something like "You know full well I love them both to pieces. If you have an issue you want to speak to me about, please speak to me instead of posting inappropriate manipulative comments on my picture"

Groovee · 04/02/2019 16:54

My SIL is a pain in the arse anddoes things like this. I just delete and ignore!

SearchingForSeaGlass · 04/02/2019 16:58

Hit "like" on her last post. That'll infuriate her 😂
But really, just block her. Don't faff about with putting her on a restricted list. Unfriend and block. She could have reflected on the weekend and tried to make amends. Instead she's out to punish you. Don't let her, cut off the supply, have some self-respect.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 04/02/2019 16:58

I would post the pp comment. Makes her look like a fucking lunatic and you sane and level headed. If you block she’ll only use that as proof of you being unfair to her.

Let’s face it. Anyone seeing that post isn’t going to think she has a point are they? But let her dig her hole deeper.

Before this thread (and before the support of the mumsnet massive) what would your reaction have been? Just curious as she’s still expecting you to kowtow to her and I assume she thinks this’ll embarrass you into submission?

Jux · 04/02/2019 16:59

Happiness, yes, much better adjectives! I would add "attention-seeking" too, but that may be going a bit too far.

Whocansay · 04/02/2019 17:06

Just block her.

Do not get into a slanging match on Facebook. She just publicly exposed herself as an utter twat. She is DESPERATE for you to bite.

gambaspilpil · 04/02/2019 17:20

I would simply delete the post and block her. I can’t abide public spats on FB it’s cringing and should be kept private

browneyes77 · 04/02/2019 17:22

If you decide not to block her yet then you could just delete her comment.

Although I’d say it’s very tempting want to make a remark back just to show her up, it’s also inviting further comments from her and as someone said could lead to a Facebook slanging match and this is your business not everyone else’s to be involved in.

I’d take a screenshot of her remark however should you need it for future proof of her fucking sheer bitchiness.

rainflowerstar · 04/02/2019 17:23

Delete the comment and block her.

mummmy2017 · 04/02/2019 17:26

Type. Yes, my wedding, my way

Clutterbugsmum · 04/02/2019 17:33

I'd either delete her comment and block or reply that she's know you love your nephews you just fed up that their parents seem to confuse you and DP with a ATM rather then friends.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 04/02/2019 17:36

Delete her comment and picture and block her.

She's beyond ridiculous and entitled.

Sadly, she's probably upholding her role as a shit parent, too, and saying things to the children, too.

Some people just shouldn't have children.

QueenofallIsee · 04/02/2019 17:37

I’d be saying, I love these AND my other nephew that you seem to forget exists regularly

Firestars · 04/02/2019 17:40

If you block her she'll use that to her advantage.

It's a no win situation!

EuniceUnicorn · 04/02/2019 18:23

Keep deleting her comments. It will infuriate herGrin

billybagpuss · 04/02/2019 18:58

I think if you block it will cause more harm than good. If you delete it, you're then deleting the picture of the boys. I'd be tempted to ignore it, if you can.

scatteredglitter · 04/02/2019 19:26

She s crass and tasteless and has a brass neck ! I would block and delete.

Figgygal · 04/02/2019 19:55

What a dick she is

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