To find my child's lack of crawling upsetting?

[incywincyspide]

My son is nearly 12 months old and is still commando crawling. He started doing this about 3 months ago and still hasn't started crawling properly.

On Sunday he did start crawling differently but by using one knee and one foot!

I feel like he's falling behind other babies his age and I'm getting worried! Am I being ridiculous? It's my first child so I tend to worry about every little thing.

Mine never crawled - she only did a weird bum shuffle that involved one foot pulling with the other knee dragging behind. The one side of her trousers was always filthy! She finally started walking properly at 15 months :)

My daughter wasn't even moving at 1, no crawling, commando crawling or bum shuffling! She sat on the floor during her first birthday gathering like a cute immobile pudding! She also wasn't pulling up at all, believe me I would have been happy withcommando crawling.

She then started bum shuffling around 15 months, never crawled, pulled up around 18 months and eventually walked at 20 months, the latest the HV had ever seen according to her (a not very helpful comment at the time.) So Ihave been where you are x 10.

Ignore, ignore and ignore. I know it's grating but just smile benignly and ignore. DD is 10 now and all the walking, feeding etc comparisons are utterly irrelevant now. Just enjoy your baby.

@MirriVan You've made more than one huge leap there.

Commando crawling counts as crawling, doesn’t it? My DS only commando crawled and then walked at 12 months.

Yes you have.

I've never said I'm disappointed in him. I said I was worried. Completely fucking different.

My daughter never crawled at all. In fact she gave it a crack once, looked rather disgusted and didn't do it again. She walked at 18 months. 🤣

@ChariotsofFish I suppose it does! It's reassuring to know that crawling isn't a developmental milestone

Yes, commando crawling is crawling. Once my DD1 started commando crawling I just considered it crawling. There isn’t a defined technique for it!

Only you know if you have. Often we can say more than we realise.

@MirriVan I think you're being unfair actually. Assumptions and judgement never helped anyone.

My DD was a late developer and I took heart from my Nan saying my dad was the same - back in the 1950s she’d go to baby groups and all the other babies would be skipping about reciting poetry or whatever and my dad just lay there playing with his feet and saying “juh”. Your boy will get there, just like my dad, my DD (and me ) - try to ignore the smuggies, however insufferable they might be!

My son didn't start crawling until a week before his first birthday, and didn't start walking until 15 months. I was a little worried, but he is just a very laid-back little dude. He's two now and charges about like a nutter!

I think MirriVan's right, tbh.

I don't know why babies' development, particularly things like crawling and walking, seems to turn into a race. There's a lot of anxiety around 'late' walking in particular. my younger two were 17-18 months when they walked and I had friends worrying about their 13mo 'still' not walking. (Second child never crawled. He 'walked' on his knees from about 8 months IIRC ).

Barring other concerns of which the later development appears to be a signal, it is really only inexperienced parents who get upset about this (and you did say 'upsetting' in your OP, not 'worrying', so I am assuming you are not concerned as such). There's certainly nothing to be 'smug' about, and I think you may be interpreting other mothers' pleasure in their children learning new skills as smugness.

My son only commando crawled. He started walking at 14 months. He's six now and has climbed several of the mountains near our house. Honestly don't worry about it.

My son started commando crawling at 8 months, he properly crawled at 13 months and walked at 15 months. It is hard when you’re surrounded by other babies who are doing different things. They all figure it out eventually though

Actually, mirri, I think you're being a bit of a dick. It's completely normal to worry about your baby's development and doesn't mean you see them as a status symbol. OP says the NCT stuff is making her feel more worried about it because it makes it feel like it's more of an issue/unusual, not because she isn't 'winning'.

Ah, I see you did say 'worried', but your title said you find it upsetting. The very idea of 'falling behind other babies' does indicate that this is about comparison, though, I have to say. Your ds' development is his development, nobody else's.

My DM often tells me how I was too lazy as a baby to bother crawling and just walked along the sofa until I was around 18 months when I finally walked. I can confirm I am still fairly lazy but can definitely walk (and crawl if I needed to ). Every baby is different, commando crawling is fine.

I'm upset/worried that he's not developing as he should because I'm comparing to those around me.

Thank you for all the helpful replies and I am reassured that my little lad is all fine and dandy.

It's interesting how easily the (my) written word can be (has been) interpreted in myriad different ways, no wonder religion is so complicated!

When your baby starts school chances are the age in which they crawled or walked will be completely irrelevant

Barring other concerns of which the later development appears to be a signal, it is really only inexperienced parents who get upset about this

But inexperienced parents get upset about it because they think it might be a sign of concerns around late development. And I know mothers of second and subsequent babies who get worried about this if their second develops slower than their first - because they don't have the reassurance of having already seen 'slow' development coming out ok.

I have some anxiety around my baby's development, which I try quite hard to contain (actually, my number 1 parenting priority is to not pass on my own anxiety to him - I actively make decisions around it, e.g. we're doing baby-led weaning because I was becoming too anxious about what he ate). I feel incredibly relieved whenever he hits a milestone (he's younger than OP's baby so hasn't met so many of them yet). My concern isn't that he isn't a super-genius baby, or that I can't boast at baby groups - my concern is that there is a problem and that I'm failing him by not addressing it. I think that's actually much more common than being upset your baby is developing slowly solely because you lose out on bragging rights.

@incywincyspide

Rightly or wrongly I wouldn't say to this particular group that I thought anything was wrong. Ever.

Ah, now this is the real issue. You need to find your tribe!

NCT is so good for giving you a ready-made crop of mum friends... which is great because OH MY GOD in those early days and weeks you neeeed those friends.... but if it turns out not to be a good fit, or you end up feeling the odd one out or judged, then it can turn a bit toxic through no fault of anyone. It's OK to step back, and put the time into finding mums you really get on with.

It was that way for me - I really liked the ladies in my NCT group, but there were a few very assertive personalities who 'directed' things and I ended up going down a different path than them in several ways... I think one other lady did much as I did but she basically only checked in to say hey on the group WhatsApp every few months after the first few weeks, whereas I really made an effort to fit in but kept feeling, I don't know... alien.

After basically getting a scolding once because I was having a whinge about sleep, but when people said I should just stop breastfeeding and I said I wasn't ready to I was told that if I wouldn't take their advice I should stop complaining... I decided it was time to back up a bit. I still message sometimes when people post cute pics or problems, but I don't go to the group for support any more. I met my little cabal of breastfeeding, sling-wearing, bed-sharing mums IRL and now I feel accepted and happy. There's something to be said for organic friendships rather than enforced groupings.