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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sacked due to sick children?

583 replies

Spamup · 28/01/2019 18:56

Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

OP posts:
Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 04:57

@mrspogue3 as an HR specialist you know that time off for dependents can still be managed as absence, that a company can still let you go if it's excessive. The op, while everyone understands she is in a hard situation, has taken excessive time off.

They can manage her out. It's that simple. But they aren't trying to do that. They could wait until this carries on and just follow the process.

I don't think anyone has been snippy about the op. They have been snipping about people claiming to know what they are talking about and giving the op wrong, but well meaning advice, presented as facts. Things such as it's the companies fault that she can't work from home, working from home will solve the issue, she is entitled to parental leave for the illnesses, they can't manage her out, there's room for a sex discrimination case etc.

It doesn't matter how long you have worked for someone, you can be managed out.

As for the Facebook contact from the manager, while I don't agree with it, I can't help thinking since she didn't respond to the last email for a while he has contacted her in a different way, so they can prove they did what they could to keep her up to date with where things are going.

PregnantSea · 31/01/2019 06:22

That's an awful lot of time off. It's reasonable for them to get HR involved. However I wouldn't start panicking just yet - you've been there for 5 years so they need to go through a lot of hoops to actually sack you, and a disciplinary meeting doesn't always lead to that.

I know this will be tricky for you to achieve but it might be worth coming up with a water tight back up plan for when your kids are sick again - child minding service, for example. Then you can go to the meeting prepared and with a plan to improve for the future

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2019 06:29

My salary for this job was negotiated as i was head hunted whilst undergoing redundancy at my previous role (dont want to specify as could be quite outing)

Op, I think this is another key issue to speak to your solicitor about. You don't actually do your job and are acting as an admin assistant from when you returned in September, which is clearly not sustainable for the business either, as if you can afford the nursery fees and to live, with no help and aren't claiming universal credit, you must be on pro ratad for full time well over 60 k a year.

When is the last time you actually did your job? I assume the last year off was due to the pnd and dv, due to thr age of the children, yet you say they tried to engage with you last year on absences. Was there a similar pattern of not being available prior to the final year off? Ie in between last maternity leave and then going off again? Due to personal circumstances?

Is there a chance they are going for redundancy here? It would be the most obvious solution for them as employers, they can do a single person redundancy event.

Cora1942 · 31/01/2019 06:36

Hi
Havent read all answers , as dashing for work.
Im a nanny and would advice you to get a nanny. A nanny will care for sick children. I also do all the childrens washing, change their beds weekly, batch cook etc. Also i am happy to cook an evening meal for parents too (not all nannies do this).
So sorry you are in this fix.

CherryPavlova · 31/01/2019 07:35

Please don’t think working from home is a childcare solution. Most employers have clear policies for homeworkers that expect them to be free of caring responsibilities during work time. I’d let people have the odd day with a sick baby or disappear to do the school run if time was made up but not the amount of time the OP has had off.
You can’t be making work calls or joining Skyped meetings with a screaming child in your arms. You can, however, swap the laundry around so definite advantages.

VanGoghsDog · 31/01/2019 07:56

I think I want a nanny....is it actually compulsory to have kids to get one......?

VanGoghsDog · 31/01/2019 07:58

Is there a chance they are going for redundancy here? It would be the most obvious solution for them as employers, they can do a single person redundancy event.

Presumably her role is not redundant, she just isn't doing it because she's not there consistently.

A settlement is far far better for both sides, they can note it as redundancy if it makes them feel better.

Inliverpool1 · 31/01/2019 08:05

CherryPavlova - I work from home for myself, have done since DD2 was born. It’s perfectly manageable depending on what you do of course

aethelgifu · 31/01/2019 08:13

I want to know where this well over £60k/pro rata admin job 2 days/week where you can also potentially work from home is.

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2019 08:18

Presumably her role is not redundant, she just isn't doing it because she's not there consistently

But it might be, as she only works two days a week and they may say they don't need that any more. And redundancy allows her to claim benefits and not have dismissal on her records. It could be a win win.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 31/01/2019 08:20

Inliverpool1 working for yourself is very different to working for an employer.
I'm lucky that I'm able to work from home as long as I go into the office once a week, but the policy is very clear that I am not to be responsible for childcare whilst working.

Inliverpool1 · 31/01/2019 08:21

Sugarhunnyicedtea - it is. That’s why I suggested it would be far more suitable for anyone juggling childcare

Boysandbuses · 31/01/2019 08:59

I work from home for myself, have done since DD2 was born. It’s perfectly manageable depending on what you do of course

OP doesn't work for herself. There is working from home and then working for yourself, based at home.

They are 2 different things. Not all jobs can be done as self employed and if they can it takes a while to build up. Not all employed roles can be working from home and when you can, there are rules.

The op is unlikely to able to work for herself earn large amounts and just work when she wants. Besides which if her kids sick for full weeks, or more on a consistent basis. Working for herself will be very difficult.

VanGoghsDog · 31/01/2019 09:08

And redundancy allows her to claim benefits and not have dismissal on her records. It could be a win win.

So would a settlement agreement.

I can't think why the employer would cook up a fake redundancy, that could be challenged, when they could achieve exactly the same for both parties with a settlement that closes out any risk of tribunal up front. Plus, signing way those rights is what means the OP asks for more money.

Justanotherwannabe · 31/01/2019 09:18

Oh OP, I do sympathise Sad,
It must be such an anxious time, you must feel that life is completely out of your control. I bet you have that awful stone in the stomach feeling. I was made redundant and I can remember the shock, "They don't want me", as though I'd been kicked.

Children are the most important, and you do need to be there for them. Unfortunately other posters are right, no company can organise themselves round an employee they can't rely on for whatever reason, and your reason of course is unavoidable. Neither side is morally right, or taking advantage, you are both in a miserable situation. I bet the HR girl feels awful too. (unless she's a sanctimonious prick who has never had children and can't understand the imperatives of life).

Keep your chin up, have a glass of something nice. Flowers Try mindfulness exercises just to help calm and get away from the stress. I hear they are very helpful. I do a version when I'm in a lot of pain and if I concentrate hard enough it does help.

FoxSake · 31/01/2019 09:38

What a crap situation to be in. I have a colleague who has been off a similar amount of time if not more (due to an exceptionally patient employer) but the effect on team morale has been awful. Can I ask, have you not thought of making the days up when the kids have been sick? We get the option to take it unpaid or pay back the hours after our carers leave has been used. If your nursery hasn’t been flexible about this I would suggest a different one, ours have always allowed swaps if they have space on the day.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 31/01/2019 09:41

"unless she's a sanctimonious prick who has never had children and can't understand the imperatives of life"

What a very unpleasant thing to say justanotherwannabe Hmm

SillySallySingsSongs · 31/01/2019 09:45

unless she's a sanctimonious prick who has never had children and can't understand the imperatives of life

Grow up.

Justanotherwannabe · 31/01/2019 09:53

Yes I apologise for the rudeness, it was childish.

Justanotherwannabe · 31/01/2019 09:54

But please don't ignore the message

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2019 10:06

I bet the HR girl feels awful too. (unless she's a sanctimonious prick who has never had children and can't understand the imperatives of life

She's not a girl, she's a grown woman doing a professional role, if indeed, it is a woman, what an odd mysogynistic uncalled for attack.

winniestone37 · 31/01/2019 10:22

Op states they have no support someone posts where's the Dad can he help? I don't know if this is deliberately patronising and nasty but it made my jaw drop. Whoever said it you're a horrible horrible person.

ShadowHuntress · 31/01/2019 10:25

Op, I’ve rtft and I honestly think you should take on board Bluntness100 advise. They seem to be one of the few who are making sense. Youre not answering a lot of questions.

Also think you should find a nanny ASAP. It seems the best option for you.

Hope your son gets better soon

Justanotherwannabe · 31/01/2019 10:36

Bluntness. The fact that she's a grown woman and doing a professional role doesn't preclude her from feeling awful about something she has to do.

TigerTooth · 31/01/2019 10:55

But if you can save £1300 a month on 2 days childcare then why not just leave? You could do a bit of childminding to cover the shortfall - you're only working 2 days so surely you're not earning much more than £1300pcm for two days?
If you have got a job that pays in excess of £1300 for 2 days then withdraw from nursery and get a nanny for the 2 days who will have them sick or well. That kind of job is worth keeping!
Somehow it doesn't add up.