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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sacked due to sick children?

583 replies

Spamup · 28/01/2019 18:56

Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

OP posts:
piggybrownhare · 30/01/2019 19:02

Most employers will have a sick/leave policy and if you have had excessive time off for any reason they will implement it. They have a business to run and they employ you to do a job, if you are not there this frequently then you cannot do the job. It is sad that you don’t have support but your employer can only do so much for you and must look at it from a business perspective, especially after being off for that amount of time.

Chocolate85 · 30/01/2019 19:06

I’ve been in your position. Legally their hands are tied. They can’t sack you for time off with your dependant children. But unfortunately they can make your life hell until you cave and leave. My boss did this and I put up with it for a year until my husband pointed out that no job or money is worth that much misery. I handed in my notice and took a year at home; we struggled financially but it was worth it. OP I hope your situation works out for you which ever way. Don’t put up with too much for too long.

Dreamcatcher81 · 30/01/2019 19:06

Another public sector post.

It's totally another world...

flowery · 30/01/2019 19:07

This thread is an excellent example of why posting an employment problem on AIBU is a disastrously bad idea. Pages of utterly bonkers comments, arguments, and people who are clueless about the legal situation giving advice on it anyway.

Nicknacky · 30/01/2019 19:07

Chocolate Of course they can sack her for her absences.

flowery · 30/01/2019 19:08

Oh look, while I was writing that post another bit of ridiculous legal advice appeared... ”Legally their hands are tied. They can’t sack you for time off with your dependant children.”

Boysandbuses · 30/01/2019 19:08

They can’t sack you for time off with your dependant children.

Jesus wept....Yes they can.

Banthesnow · 30/01/2019 19:08

OP your in a total catch 22 here. It's so bloody hard. A childminder taking a sick child is a bad childminder so don't go down that road. Finding a live out nanny for 2 days isn't going to happen overnight either. I honestly have no advice re employment, just wanted to give you a bit of support. It's tough on your own with well kids when your working. I really hope it all works out for you Thanks

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2019 19:13

It's great on Mumsnet, all jobs can be done from home

Yup, and appaeanrly for some, it should be totally fine if you don't turn up half the time, rhe business should just take it and find someone else to do your work when you can't make it, , and if they also can't make it in, then hey, the business can just employ someone else, and so on, until someone eventually turns up and does the actual job.

It's a numbers game dontcha know? Oh and whilst they are there, everyone should have a laptop, and be able to work from home, in the hours they can manage, Becayse that's only fair right? It doesn't matter if it's due today, the employee will get to it when they get to it. Or at least one of them will. When their home life allows it.

Pinkbells · 30/01/2019 19:18

That's outrageous, I am sure they cannot do that - if your children are sick, they need you not a stranger. Hope you manage to get it sorted Flowers

SillySallySingsSongs · 30/01/2019 19:18

Legally their hands are tied. They can’t sack you for time off with your dependant children.

Yes. They. Can 🤦🏼‍♀️

perfectstorm · 30/01/2019 19:19

Nothing to say really OP, other than that I do sympathise with your situation so very much. Honestly, I think your employers have been really pretty great, all things considered, and are still seeking to be fair to you from what you've said. They have recognised that when there, you do a good job - and that last fact should stand you in good stead in the future, either there or in a new role somewhere else when this very difficult period has passed. But at the same time, I do see that something has to give because they need the work done.

Again, nothing constructive or useful to offer, but I did want to send all the best wishes in the world. You've been through so much, and I think you're very brave. And I'm sure that when the dust settles a little, better times will be ahead.

SillySallySingsSongs · 30/01/2019 19:19

@Pinkbells RTFT. Yes they can!!!!!

Spamup · 30/01/2019 19:25

Sorry - just managed to catch up on the comments as DS has been admitted to hospital with a really nasty infection.

Firstly, i appreciate , from am employers point of view, you cannot have someone who is always off as a permanent employee.

My maternity leave hasnt been raised by my employers in regards to my absence.

My manager has sent me an update via Facebook (this frustrates me but anyway) the HR person is now out of the office until next week and they have prepared some paperwork for me to review on Monday.

Acas were also quite helpful , they advised me not to sign anything and explained their (as an employer) and my rights - i have also started the ball rolling in the legal side and am awaiting an appointment with a solicitor specialising in employment law.

My salary for this job was negotiated as i was head hunted whilst undergoing redundancy at my previous role (dont want to specify as could be quite outing).

I have had a response from of the nannys i contacted advising they would consider a minimum of three full days.

Thanks again for everyones comments.

OP posts:
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 30/01/2019 19:28

Sorry your DS is ill again.. is there an underlying cause for all the sickness and hospital admissions?

Banthesnow · 30/01/2019 19:30

Have you got a back up plan if they do sack do? Would you be totally screwed or would you get by & manage on benefits until you find something else? I would get your ducks in a row & maybe visit CAB so you know what you would be entitled to etc if the worst happens. May stop you panicking so much if you know where you stand one way or another.

I had a job that I literally couldn't stand. The boss was an absolute creep, rubbing himself up against me all the time, showing photos of his dick. It was truly awful but I had a mortgage & bills to pay so I put up with it until I literally cracked (burst into tears) & walked out. I was in absolute blind panic. I do have supportive family near me though. First thing I did was visit CAB as I had no idea what to do. I was skint but I managed. Got my CV up to date quick smart & got a much better job. I know it's a different scenario but the worry & panic is the same. I lost so much weight with the stress. I understand it from your employers point of view but I also get it from a lone parent view.

Loki1983 · 30/01/2019 19:51

It is a lot of time off but I really do feel for you. When my children were younger (under 3 and 6) they both suffered regular bouts of illness which resulted in me taking time off to care for them. Fortunately for us, my husband and I were able to share it but being away from extended family, we both ended up clocking up quite a lot of time off work. It will get better as they get older. Mine are now 4 and 7 and bouts of illness are much less frequent. Not exactly advise, posting as I empathise with your situation Flowers

Ginghampanther · 30/01/2019 19:57

@spamup I’m so sorry to read this, and that your DS is in hospital, that’s stressful enough without having this to worry about too.

I sympathise, I’m a single parent of two under 4 and last year had a lot of time off work due to their illnesses, and I was also in the position of looking into a nanny because of it as they missed so much nursery and I missed so much work. I also couldn’t get nanny care for just the two days I worked, and as I couldn’t claim the 15 hours free childcare with a nanny either then it wasn’t financially worth it so I carried on and also live in fear of my children being ill again! I am lucky to have a very supportive workplace (I was demoted on my return from mat leave and I think they’re kinder with me as a result, as it wasn’t quite legal, but I digress!)

Would it be possible for you to increase your hours to the three days a week if you need to? Or, I’ve seen mentioned previously in the thread, look into starting your own business? It would be a slow start st first with everything else you have going on but may give you more flexibility in the future.

Wishing you the best of luck and sending you lots of strength, and I hope your DS recovers very soon.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 30/01/2019 20:06

They can’t sack you for time off with your dependant children

Chocolate - I know you mean well, but I'm pretty sure this is not the case, and it's really unhelpful to encourage OP to think she's in a stronger position than she actually is

OP, last night I thought you were scuppered. Today, I'm wondering IF you came up with a robust plan for childcare, and since you were previously headhunted for this position, you MIGHT just be able to persuade them to give you one more chance to show what you're capable of, if they can be confident you can turn this around. But I think the onus is totally on you to reassure them you can be relied upon to attend regularly

Mumofthreeteenagers · 30/01/2019 20:10

I think dv is protected by law in the equality act 2010. If I'm right, that means they cant add it to the current situ. But I could be wrong. You can look at gov.uk and it will tell you.

Also, acas have an online facility where you can tell them whats happened and they tell you your rights.

Finally, i thought it was in law about parental leave? That everyone with young children have a right to it?

f you resign, then it will affect any benefit you may claim after. If they sack you, your reasons will be good cause. So whilst your panic makes you want to run, try and stand fast.

And no, staying in a bad situ and being a victim of dv is not better than this.
This is a step towards where you want to be and each step helps you get stronger.

And every person who sees it just from the employers point of view is not seeing how they are making you feel worse. Don't let them make you feel like that. Empower yourself with knowledge of your rights.
Don't take it second hand but go look it up and get the facts.
Most of all, i want to say how bloody brave you are and well done.
Your children are more important than any job. You can look at other options once you sort this but whether you have a child minder or nursery, neither are going to take an ill child. And why should they?
My lifeline is a close friend and we exchange favours. She helps me with situations such as this and i do other stuff. Win win.

Good luck, you have been through the mill. It shows your strength. You CAN do this!

Nicknacky · 30/01/2019 20:12

mum You might want to google parental leave.

Boysandbuses · 30/01/2019 20:12

Finally, i thought it was in law about parental leave? That everyone with young children have a right to it?

It is. But it's not for ad hoc leave. It's for planned leave and must be taken in blocks, unless the child is disabled. Employers can refuse as long as they suggest another week.

It's not for time off because your kids are unexpectedly ill.

Also the last 5 month's is enough to manage her absence.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 30/01/2019 20:13

Mumofthreeteenagers parental leave is a right. This is not parental leave

bubblegumunicorn · 30/01/2019 20:19

How much money will you really be loosing out on if you loose your job? £1300 a month is a lot of money so if you’re making more than that for about 9 days work that’s impressive! If you would be in a similar position financially not working then it might be worth thinking about jacking it in anyway! I don’t know if you mentioned what you do at work but can you do any work from home? Or go freelance? Sometimes that can be a great way to make it work! I know you said you really like working but there may be other ways to both improve your finances and give you flexibility!

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 30/01/2019 20:19

And every person who sees it just from the employers point of view is not seeing how they are making you feel worse. Don't let them make you feel like that. Empower yourself with knowledge of your rights

Mumofhreeteenagers again, I know you mean well, but please don't give false platitudes to the OP. She's in a really serious position, and people are trying to give her sensible advice based on employment law. Giving false reassurance that "they can't do this to you" is actually really unhelpful