To be sacked due to sick children?

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Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

i called my manager and explained the childcare issue and he said it would be best if i came in and i can arrange to leave earlier...No my manager called me this morning and i said i would be on today as i had managed to sort emergancy childcare and he was happy with this

Ok that changed a bit didn't it. Why is your manager calling you to check if you're coming in?

Probably because i left him a voice message late last night to ask him to call me.

Those are valid comments re: my income and i can see that now i was just getting a bit flustered and lost sight of that.

Does your employer have an Internet use policy?

It sounds like you need a job with more flexibility

What’s more flexible that a two-day week, though?

OP, what level is your job and are your currently activities very different? You mentioned you’re doing administrative/PA tasks currently but, based on your childcare costs, I assume you’re earning based on a more senior position?

How did this change come about? Did you company assign you to different duties to accommodate you, or did you request it?

I hope everything went ok today and your DS is doing better and you managed to stay at work for a good number of hours.

Just a couple of thoughts.
If your currently doing pa/ admin type work rather than your job, could you do this from home in evenings or your time off to make up some hours and carry on with your actual job during your work hours?

Secondly, have you thought about being a freelance virtual assistant? You obviously have appropriate skills. You’d be able to work flexibly and from home. You could suggest your manager might like to be your first client and save the company recruiting someone to cover these tasks.

So, good deep breath, let it out, and get focused on doing your very best today.
Nd tonight, get making a list, of what things youd be willing to do (different child care) and not do (depend on family)
At the end, you will see your own plan emerging and you can stop dithering and what if ing

Hope you are doing this on your phone and not work computer!

I don’t want to sound harsh, but don’t
Think you are free as nothing’s been mentioned, I’ve often seen it left until the end of the day. Good Luck.

Hope meeting went well OP.
Pps re: offsted nanny were excellent.
You may be able to pay the same / less childcare and work 3 days; Tuesday-Thursday. That could work for a partime nanny too.

Why did you phone him late last night? And are you posting from work now?

Also if you are spoken too, be prepared to answer why you could get emergency child care today and not other days. If you say your friend you’ll be asked can she do it the next time your dc is unwell. You are setting yourself up for it to be expected that you now have this emergency childcare.

Not much advice but I love how people suggest just getting a nanny/babysitter if you have no family support most of them won't look after sick children either!

I still do 100% of sick days, not dad, they're unpaid and it makes me feel like an unreliable tit. You have had a lot of time off though...the only thing I can suggest is going to the disciplinary and reiterating you have no help/support. Is there no flexibility with your 2 days? Making up the time other days? Or is your role able to be done at home via laptop?

@justhereforthepoo stories:

"Advice on these types of threads typically goes one of two ways-

1. Practical advice, often from people who have experience, that’s not sugar-coated but will educate and help the OP.

2. The “don’t worry hun, they touch u and u take em to a tribunal, they’re just jellus bullies hunni” brigade.

I know which I’d prefer."

I couldn't agree more, support is important but it should be backed up with practical advice/assistance otherwise these forums are merely a back-patting exercise and are of no practical use.

You can sympathise/empathise, offer some kind words but merely telling someone that they're 'strong' or 'doing a great job' doesn't help them.

The fact that we are all on here suggests that we all have children and we all know that it comes with its challenges. HOWEVER, just because we have children doesn't make us any less accountable for other aspects of our lives.

I hope the OP manages to sort things out with work and there's some great advice being given on here but empty platitudes and flower emojis aren't going to actually solve the issue at hand.

@pumpastrotter of course nannies do childcare if kids are sick (as long as its not life threatening or extremely contagious). that’s part of their job. A lot of babysitters also stay with kids who are a bit ill - too ill for childcare, but not critical (or vomiting all over the place). more limited, but entirely possible

You are clearly in a tough position but I have to say if you were on my team I would be looking at formal action too.

It's interesting that you manage to find emergency childcare tomorrow but you haven't for the last few weeks. Please don't think I'm having a go but it will be on your managers mind.

I would urgently look for alternative childcare so you are armed with your plans moving forward.

If you're good at your job they won't want to lose you. Be kind to yourself, you're doing your best but you just need to make some changes

@Nicknacky TBF it could be like my workplace, we don't have any restrictions on phone use at all

Ollivander84 I think in the op’s position she would be better getting her head down with her work on the days she is in!

1. Even if their dad isn't involved by choice he should still have financial responsibilities e.g. child support?
2. deeply sorry that your DC are unwell but 8 or 9 weeks off is in 5 months is a huge amount of disruption to an employer, I can see their issue here. Even allowing for statutory parental leave this is way in excess of that.
3. On a sort of related note.... £1,300 per month for 2 child for 2 days is a huge amount. is the nursery gold plated?! I pay around £900 in the commuter belt around London for 1 DC for 4 days, not factoring in childcare vouchers saving - can you find a cheaper option? Also are you eligible for childcare vouchers or similar that can reduce your costs?

@Yura not from my personal experience, if they've got something small like a cold yes but anything really contagious like a sickness bug then no

@Nicknacky of course, just depends on the job. My job is reactive and if I have no work I can't create it hence the phone/books allowed

I have a disabled child who is very often I'll and requires lots of interventions !!! Can't have a job!!!

'On a sort of related note.... £1,300 per month for 2 child for 2 days is a huge amount. is the nursery gold plated?! I pay around £900 in the commuter belt around London for 1 DC for 4 days, not factoring in childcare vouchers saving - can you find a cheaper option?'

May be worth looking into and imagine you are thousands out of pocket for having to pay those nursery fees when your dc couldn't attend for weeks on end

IceBearRocks - there’s a fair amount of middle ground between disabled child and cannot work and on your own with children who do get sick occasionally and you have a bad run of it all coming at once though.

A nanny is definitely the way to go when you have more than one child, and children who are often ill

Obviously if child is admitted to hospital then you take the day off, but a nanny will and can do regular hospital check ups if they need to go often, and will cover almost all illnesses.

A nanny is also the best option as they get older. Once they are at school, they is little alternative to school age sick children. They will cover holidays also.

In central London you are looking around £15 gross per hour now for part time. So £150 ish per day also. Nannies will also cook for children (and may do enough leftovers for you in evening), wash childrens clothes and any other child related errands. So you get more for your £150 then you do from a nursery.

Can I ask then, OP, do you have another income that you haven’t mentioned? Or could you afford not to work?

I’m getting the impression you are very well off but don’t wish to admit it in case everyone jumps on you for working when you don’t have to etc. I recall you saying it helped your mental health to work, so can totally see why you would want to stay there! If you have another income then you have more flexibility though? Might change the answers a bit.

Not read everything but agree that you have had a an awful lot of time off. Starting a capability procedure (which is what it will be) to see if your attendance improves is absolutely the right thing for your emlpoyr to do.
Sounds awful but your circumstances won’t be relevant in whether any dismissal is fair. It’s about whether you can fulfil your contract of employment, which at the moment you cannot.

I’d highly recommend a nanny too, cheaper than two in nursery and (contrary to what people say) of course they look after sick kids. That is the great benefit of a nanny - you are guaranteed childcare regardless of the health of the kids so the only time off you would need it in really dire straits like a child in hospital with a life threatening condition. You need to pay them holiday pay but you have to pay nursery for weeks yo are on holiday so it won’t make much difference financially. For 160 per day, 8-6, you would be paying £16 per hour, gross, which is high even for London. You could get yourself a corker for that.

I agree with the PP:

1. Talk to employer, accept the wake up call and agree too sort childcare via a nanny
2. Sort childcare. Use an agency, there will be a cost but it’s worth it’s weight as websites often don’t bear fruit for prt time contracts like yours. Agencies will know great nannies looking to fill gaps in their weeks.
3. Look after yourself. Easier said than done, but don’t be defeated by your situation. You can do this. You’re raising two children single handedly, the trickiest job in the world. You can sort your nanny and keep your job. Masses of luck.