To be sacked due to sick children?

[Spamup]

Regular user but have NC for this!

My children, DS and DD both under 3 have several bouts of sickness before christmas and today my DS is not well which has resulted in a hospital admission - my employet has casually mentioned before about how i would probably be better off not working but nothing has been written down regarding this - ff to this evening, it has been sent to the HR department for formal disciplinary process to start and i am in bits - i am a lone parent and no family or friends to support me with emergancy childcare as they all work full time - can i really lose my job over this? I have bills etc to pay and worked a long time in this field to get to where i am now :(

Good luck OP hope all goes well. It may not seem it at the moment but everything does tend to work itself out x

I agree with you TwinMummy1510

OP - I went through similar - my DS had some persistent health issues and has a learning difficulty. My solution was to go freelance so I worked when I could. Not perfect and the impact on my finances was massive but I had just inherited some money so there was a cushion.

Not everyone has that option. For you a nanny sounds like the best idea if you can arrange it.

Can see employers side to in this.

You must earn a fortune I'm guessing to justify the childcare costs.

Hope you get it sorted soon

Please be wary of offering/asking to work more days but shorter hours. I can see youve said thst above but in your current situation that's really not going to help.

There are 2 sides: fulltime work with young kids is hard, as a single mum without family support it’s extremely hard
However, you didn’t really do anything to mitigate the effects, which is why your employer is pissex off.

• nursery is the worst possible option for childcare in your pisition (as you found out). nanny or a flexible childminder (IF your job allows you to switch working days around - otherwise a childminder won’t help either. you can’t bring a sick child in, but some are ok with switching days around)
• vaccinate. too late for you, but maybe a learning for somebody else. chickenpox are almost preventable. if you don’t vaccinate you kniw you’ll be off work for 1-2 weeks at least once. not a great idea if you are on your own.
• babysitters . get yourself a network of emergency babysitters. not great, but at least another option
• go to your employer with a plan how to attack this. even in countries withofficial “child sick” days, you would be waaaay over the maximum now, so its really not a uk problem.

I agree OP must earn a brilliant wage to justify the child care costs AND survive not being paid 50% of her wage for the last 6months. My childminder/nursery make me pay whether my daughter is ill or not.

You must be reasonably well off to afford the costs when not being paid? Just mentioning this as perhaps it actually would be easier for you to leave work for now. Do you have another form of income? Or a nanny would definitely be better value for money whilst letting you work. I just can’t see how you survive having to pay the child care costs every month even when your children aren’t attending and you are unpaid. So a nanny would be a financially sensible option!

Just wanted to say Thankyou again for your comments- not sure how much i earn is relevent!

I am going in this morning - i called my manager and explained the childcare issue and he said it would be best if i came in and i can arrange to leave earlier.

Obviously when i returned to work i did not invisage my DC being as unwell as they have been

Also, and this may come accross as rude but make of it what you will, i really hope that other people arent unfortunate to end up in a similar sitauation with no outside suppprt and trying to do their best bringing up dc on their own - i get you are looking at it from an employers perspective but i also live in a world where i dont have family locally and my friends work and have their own DC.

Op, did you suggest to your manager you didn't go in again today? I'd have expected your post to say you had just turned up and shown willing

It's a little odd that your manager had to suggest it to you.

Spam, I hope your little one is on the mend & that today goes well for you.

If you are to meet HR, please take ‘friend’ in with you to the meeting as support & note taker. Not yr line manager BTW.
It’s good form to have someone with you anyway but also because you have been through so much & the telling of this, because it is relevant to your absence from work, may be upsettling.

A small point, but pertinent - in one of your posts, did you mention that you are not doing your actual job, but PA/admin stuff for your line manager?
This needs addressing. By how much are you not doing what is on your job description - if you are not doing this work, who is or is it just not being done? Is your manager ‘helping’ you by giving you low priority tasks so that your absence has low impact? Give this some thought.

Not delivering to the job description & a series of unplanned absences (whatever the reason) are red performance flags & HR will seek to resolve this situation.

First steps are to establish that you are working on a childcare solution & show this works

Soooo, fantasy time here, if you can employ directly a nanny or nanny share & it has been established that this works well, might it be worth you asking again through this HR review (which will be open for a while) for a change in working pattern, e.g. same or even a few more hours over more but shorter days ( say Tuesday - Thursday). This can be better for the business than someone in for a couple of days a week.

In my experience, people trip up when a colleague has a regular non-work day mid-week, e.g. Tuesday, & this is perceived as an obstacle to getting things done. Whereas a regular Monday &/or Friday non-work day pattern sits better with the flow of work during the week. Is there scope to reconfigure the days you already have so that they fall optimally in the week.

Ignore the twats it makes them feel all important telling off complete strangers and judging their lives. They have no authority over anything in real life, their children no doubt mock them too.
Chin up OP - do not resign !!

Ignore the twats it makes them feel all important telling off complete strangers and judging their lives. They have no authority over anything in real life, their children no doubt mock them too.

Ironic much

Ignore the twats it makes them feel all important telling off complete strangers and judging their lives.

Aren't most people talking from the viewpoint of being employed themselves, and being paid to do a job? A lot of us here have been in the position of being LPs and it's horrible, nobody thinks that's how her life will turn out, desperately scrabbling around trying to organise affordable childcare :( But it's not the employer's fault.

Ignore the twats it makes them feel all important telling off complete strangers and judging their lives

Advice on these types of threads typically goes one of two ways-

1. Practical advice, often from people who have experience, that’s not sugar-coated but will educate and help the OP.

2. The “don’t worry hun, they touch u and u take em to a tribunal, they’re just jellus bullies hunni” brigade.

I know which I’d prefer.

Just finished reading your thread OP. Just wanted to give you some support and say I know it’s hard. I am not a LP but we both work shifts and struggle enough with a sickly child, so I understand it must be really hard for you.

Hope it goes well at work. It sounds like you’re looking at this sensibly and are realistic as to what you may have to do. Good luck!

JustHereForthePooStories. Nobody has said the latter. That's rubbish.

It sounds like you have it really tough OP.
I hope your employer gives you another chance. By the sounds of it you earn a pretty good wage to make working worthwhile, so worth hanging on to. A couple of things I would do in your situation and let your employer know what you are doing to help improve situation.

Change your childcare arrangements ASAP - search high and low for a decent nanny or nanny share who will care for DC when sick

If the other DC hasn't had chicken pox, then get them vaccinated ASAP. One less illness to worry about

Could you increase your days, so you can earn more, or offer to do any additional hours your employer requires?

Nobody has said the latter. That's rubbish.

Errr yes they have.

It sounds like you need a job with more flexibility.

Even if you aren't being paid for the days you take off, your workplace needs someone who comes in and does the job and it sounds like, through no fault of your own, you are not able to do that.

You need to look at your options, and it looks like staying in your current employment isn't one of them.

I would think about going to your local CAB to see what income you would receive if you didn't work.

You could also look at working from home options in the evening.

Maybe even consider moving to an area where you do have family or friends to help with childcare occasionally?

Your wage was relevant because we were considering other childcare solutions and you mentioned you thought a nanny would be expensive!

Not as expensive as missing work and not being paid whilst STILL having to fork out for childcare your kids can’t go to!

Anyway, genuinely wishing you good luck. It is really tough. You do have to bust a gut to show some willing to your employer. It is bloody hard though

Actually the comment about your wage not being relevant OP has really annoyed me. You came on here because you were worried you would lose your job. You talk about how expensive nursery fees are etc and then get arsey when people wonder how you manage financially?! People have piled on lots of advice, including leaving work etc. Of course your wage is relevant when talking about childcare. We aren’t just being nosey!

I agree, the wage is relevant. Because if it's as big as it must be then it's a terrible idea to let the job go. In a couple of years your kids will be in school, you can take on more hours and give them a great life.

To be paying 1200 in nursery fees for 2 days a week is mind blowing. There are definitely better and cheaper options.

The day nanny is the best idea. You don't seem to realise how you come across. Even after all this advice your manager had to suggest you go into work today?!

Op, did you suggest to your manager you didn't go in again today? I'd have expected your post to say you had just turned up and shown willing

^^ This. If after being told you were at risk AND all the messages last night, you weren't desperately sorting emergency childcare and trying to show willing, it suggests you don't really want this job all that much, or that you aren't fully aware of normal workplace expectations.

Excellent post ThisMustBeMyDream. OP, read and re-read - it's information you need to be armed with!

Sorry if i got defensive about my wages !

No my manager called me this morning and i said i would be on today as i had managed to sort emergancy childcare and he was happy with this.

Appreciate your comments, ironically nothing has been mentioned since i got in the office !

I think your best bet would be to emphasise to your employers that this has been a huge wake-up call for you, yes you are very keen to keep your job, and demonstrate that you are doing everything in your power to identify suitable childcare options. I would imagine that there are agencies which could supply a nanny or carer on a temporary basis at least, pending a more permanent arrangement. You may not need a qualified nanny.

If all else fails, and it appears you are at risk of being dismissed, then you could ask if they would consider a sabbatical or career break instead

www.turn2us.org.uk/ might be able to offer advice about benefit entitlement / implications of being dismissed or taking a career break or leaving voluntarily

And I do think that your income is relevant, when strangers on the Internet are kindly taking the time to try to help you by identifying potential solutions