Friend is driving me up the wall...

[Abcdefghii]

My friend has recently found out she's pregnant after a year of TTC, I'm genuinely thrilled for her but she's in a constant state of worry and is messaging me constantly about symptoms and needing reassurance to the point where it's daily, all day and it's getting a bit much.

I'm having a MH crisis right now and whilst I'm happy to be there for her and provide reassurance throughout the pregnancy and share her happiness, I don't have the capacity for it all day every day

Before she got her positive test she was very much the same except her worries were whether she'd be able to conceive. Now she has her longed for pregnancy she's going through the motions about the potential for an ectopic, why her breasts no longer hurt, then they do, she feels too hot, she feels too cold, she's light headed, she's tired, shes hungry, she's got a runny nose, her feet ache etc etc. Constant messages from morning until night.

I've told her most of the above is perfectly normal in early pregnancy and that having a cold is nothing to worry about, but she's incessantly googling and driving herself (and me) bonkers.

She's booked an early reassurance scan when she'll be 7 weeks but I know as soon as she's had that she'll be fretting over something else and asking me questions she'd be better off speaking to a midwife about which I did tell her.

I've recommended support groups, pre natal groups, a chat with her GP and midwife once she's met her. I've given a constant virtual hand hold and responded to her constant messages in a timely and sympathetic manner, but what else can I do or say? I really can't manage this for the next eight months, it's been constant for the past year already. I'm heavily pregnant myself, have a lot going on at home and am in a bad place which she knows. I can't pour from an empty cup and the friendship has become very one sided and all about her.

Am I being selfish? I've tried to be a good friend to the best of my ability but have very limited mental space at the moment..

Fucking hell she's awful.

Your miscarriage is not her breathless entertainment. It's not an addition to her own personal soap opera to fuel the next exciting chapter.

Have you actually told her why you’ve blocked her? Because she seems to have so little self awareness that I’d put money on her having no clue about how inappropriate she is. So personally I’d make it crystal clear to her and then block to swerve the inevitable attempts at contact that will drag this all out.

Noooo, don’t unblock and then talk more! Just fans the flames of drama.

It really annoyed me the way she brought that up. I responded and said "If you were having a miscarriage, you'd know about it" and blocked her before she could reply.

OP, I’m cheering for you. The fact she thought it was appropriate to remind you of and expect you to relive your miscarriage so she can be reassured about her perfectly healthy (currently) baby is staggering. My god. She doesn’t give a shit about you.

In a way I’m glad she said it as it gave you a reason to block her. Your response and the subsequent blocking will show her that you’ve cut contact because of what she’s said. I don’t think there was ever gonna be any point to talking to her about her behaviour cos she sounds so selfish and clueless and those people are simply incapable of listening to another perspective and questioning themselves. She won’t and probably can’t change so blocking her was the absolute best thing you could have done. Well done you.

If she gets in touch another way (she will I bet as she’ll claim that this ‘drama’ that she’s caused is causing her stress during pregnancy and she won’t let you go that easy, why would she when you’ve been a free therapist?) I urge you to respond with:

‘Friend, I’ve felt for a long time now that our friendship has been one sided, I feel like you use me as a listening ear and put all of your stress onto me but don’t care about me in return or about how I’m doing. The fact you asked me to relive the very upsetting loss of my child to give you reassurance that your living baby is okay when you could have easily just googled signs of a miscarriage shows how thoughtless you are. I wish you well in the future but please do not contact me again as I no longer feel it’s good for me to have you in my life. OP.’

That, or just don’t respond if you don’t trust yourself to be strong enough not to get sucked back in.

Goodness me she sounds utterly draining.

I think she was aiming to prickle you into a reply by her last message to you, and was attempting to cash in on your own feelings around your genuine experience of miscarriage, and sort of smuggle herself into that halo of emotions around it.

Except being utterly self centred she mistook the reality of emotions that go with a miscarriage and instead of a ‘prickle’ and a stolen sympathy, she got a stern cold slap in the face as a door closes. Bang.

Good for you. Just not a friend you need right now . You concentrate on you an yours, and tending to your own emotional needs. No more sacrificing for those that don’t give back!

What a vile, thoughtless message to send you. She doesn't give a toss about your feelings, clearly. Glad you've blocked her.

Glad to hear you've blocked her OP, you've enough on your plate with your own pregnancy and everything else. And it would never have stopped. If the baby arrived safely the next thing would be worrying over every little sniffle, maybe even worrying about milestone eg, should Baby be walking by now? When did your DC start walking? What if Baby never walks? Should I take them to a specialist?

I reckon 'don't have time' for Facebook groups/forums etc was that she 'didn't have time' to wait for responses from people because, you know, people have their own lives and the world doesn't revolve around her. No, it was much quicker for her to bother you and badger you for responses.

Hope you can put your feet up with some [coffee] and

Just caught up with tft and good on you OP! She sounds so self absorbed and I can’t believe how casually she brought up your miscarriage!! Definitely a good thing you’ve blocked her - good luck with your anxiety I hope without this ‘friend’ it gets a bit easier for you!

Part of me hopes she does find this thread so she can learn what an utter CUNT she is being!

Don't worry OP, you're doing the right think by blocking and not responding to her. I hope you're felling a little better today

Well done on blocking her OP, but watch out for any flying monkey that she might send your way to get back into your good graces. So beware any mutual friends with messages saying that "friend was concerned as she hasn't heard from you"

Glad to read you finally blocked this insensitive self absorbed person OP

Her last message to you was vile! Asking you to relive your miscarriage and describe it to her to reassure her that her healthy pregnancy is fine!? She is horrid and she is not a friend to you! Blocking her is not cowardly at all! I love your reply to her too! Along with not responding to her at all at this point, I would not bother to read any of the texts that she sends. All it does is cause you stress that you do not need. Block and run from this one! That is not mean at all and you owe this woman nothing. Take care of you! 💐

Fucking hell, what a hideous person. The levels of self absorption are astounding.

Let’s hope motherhood improves her or her kid will have a boundary-ignoring narc for a mum.

Bloody hell that last message was so inappropriate. I hope you’re OK OP. Keep blocking.

Christ on a bike, she asked to to relive your experience of miscarrying to reassure her for absolutely no reason other than she’s paranoid? That is shockingly selfish. She lacks all empathy and as has been mentioned upthread is a classic emotional vampire. She literally does not care for you and only values your friendship for the gratification and validation you give her.

I hope you’re ok, don’t for a second beat yourself up or think you’re not a good friend. You absolutely are and she does not deserve your loyalty and love.