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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many guests you had at your wedding? Is ours overly small?

119 replies

DiamondMine1 · 27/01/2019 10:08

I guess by this I mean people that have NOT purposefully had a very small wedding.

Getting married in June, we have approximtely 75 day guests, with probably another 10-20 in the evening.

I was having my nails done the other day, and the nail lady mentioned she was getting married in May and we were talking weddings. She was saying how much it was costing them at their venue per head and they were going over budget slightly. I said yeh, ours is pretty expensive per head too, and with around 80 day guests it certainly wasn’t working out cheap.

She seemed surprised and said ‘Oh only a small wedding then?’ I said ‘Err, yeh I guess?’ And she laughed and said ‘I’d class 80 as small, we’ve got so many friends and family between us, ours is working out about 100 on each side.’

She wasn’t being deliberately mean or anything, she just seemed surprised that we only had 80 guests.

I actually had a friend comment similar the other month. It’s making me feel like people are going to be thinking we’re Billy no mates or something Sad The thing is, I’m very sociable, but DP isn’t. He has a group of 6 men that are his best friends and that is it. He’s having 1 evening guest, an old work colleague and that’s it. He’s an only child and is estranged from his extended family so it’s just his parents attending from his family and that’s it. So I guess what I’m saying is, one side of us is only inviting about 10 people which shortens the numbers quite considerably!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wedding not a popularity contest FFS, but I guess all the weddings I’ve been to have probably been 150ish by the evening so we are probably on the low side in terms of numbers.

I just feel this huge pressure to have lots of guests, even my hen do list when I gave it to my MOH, she said ‘There’s only 10 names, are you sure that’s all you want?!’ Hmm I was like, well yes, my 9 closest friends and my mum! Who else would I invite?! Loads of random people that I haven’t seen for years? Is 10 people a small hen do?!

Have I lost tough with reality?! I just think, realistically, to have weddings with say 200 people, do people really know and hang out with 100 people regularly?

Are we odd/ Billy no mates?!

OP posts:
HRTpatch · 27/01/2019 10:10

11 guests at my first and none at my 2nd.

Youngandfree · 27/01/2019 10:10

95 altogether, no extra in the evening. I don’t have masses of friends and some of our family and friends lived abroad and couldn’t make it.

Peepingsnowdrops · 27/01/2019 10:11

No.. 80 is ideal. We had more but that was made up of people we didn't ask - parents are very controlling and I think 80 means you get to mingle with all your guests and it's for meaningful. If your dh has six really good friends that is more than most people I'd say

Ten loads for a hen party.

WomanWithAltitude · 27/01/2019 10:11

We had 10 guests.

75 isn't even slightly small.

DowntonCrabby · 27/01/2019 10:12

Only 18. It was perfect.

SagelyNodding · 27/01/2019 10:12

Not odd at all! We had similar numbers-100 people maximum, and about 10 for my hen do. It was perfect for us, kept costs reasonable, and 4 years on people still tell us it was the best wedding they have ever been to Smile
Do what works for you both.

Finfintytint · 27/01/2019 10:12

It's not odd at all. I had 28 to the ceremony and then about another 60 to the evening do. You do what you want and what you can afford.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/01/2019 10:12

Your wedding is fine because its what you want.

I think we had 90 for the day and 150 for the evening. I had a large he do because I. Have an extended group of friends through volunteer work, Uni etc so it was a good chance to see people I don't see very often. It worked for me but11 is a lovely number to be able to really chat and be one group

If you've only got a dozen extra for the evening I might consider if I could fit them into the day just because there's so few.

Is DF's work mate bringing a plus one?

Your wedding, your numbers

PastaCake · 27/01/2019 10:13

50 day guests + 30 extra evening guests. And there's only 5 of us for the hen do (including me!)

PixiKitKat · 27/01/2019 10:13

My partner has been concerned that we don't have enough guests however I think 60 is plenty! It means I'll get to spend time with each guest having a chat rather than not seeing some of them if there were double the amount!

Janus · 27/01/2019 10:13

I think that’s a lovely number, gives you a chance to actually see and talk to most people. We had 70 for our day wedding, I have a very small family (only 5 plus children to invite!), maybe you do too? We were older too and paid for ourselves so didn’t have to invite friends of parents, I think a lot do that too. So it was all people we really knew and liked and I was happy with that. Think about 15-20 came to evening do. I loved my wedding, I think whatever you do that makes you happy will make you love yours too.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 27/01/2019 10:14

We had about 100 in total, none extra evening guests - all to the whole lot.

Hen do was about 12. As you say, closest friends. Who else?

I think it sounds lovely. You will actually have the time to go round and talk to everyone and you and they will feel you made an effort to 'connect' with each and every one. There is a lot to be said for that at a wedding.

EnoughSnowAlready · 27/01/2019 10:14

Nail lady's comment sounds spiteful to me. She sounds like a real teat. 80 seems a considerable number to me. 200 + would be far too much for my liking. How are you supposed to greet that many? Each to their own and some people do have a lot of family and friends but I'd rather have a smaller wedding where I could at least attempt to talk to all of my guests.

ScreamingValenta · 27/01/2019 10:15

We had 20 guests.

DandilionBreak · 27/01/2019 10:15

10 adults and one baby. Registry office, bistro for a family meal then home for a cake my mum made for us. It was perfect.

Billballbaggins · 27/01/2019 10:16

We had 30 altogether which included us and 6 children so very small then 😂 just did the ceremony followed by a meal for lunch in a restaurant nearby we hired out no evening do. That was enough for me. Don’t know why anyone would think a wedding with 80 guests is small at all.

EggysMom · 27/01/2019 10:18

50 at my first wedding. My second and third were deliberately small - 14 at the second, and just 4 at the third.

WildFlower2019 · 27/01/2019 10:18

We only had around 80 guests. Maybe 90. I can't quite remember.

Our venue was just the perfect size for that many guests though, so it was perfect.

UpTree · 27/01/2019 10:18

hrtpatch How did you have none at your 2nd?.... Don’t you need witnesses?!

We had 2, total strangers as witnesses. If we didn’t NEED them, then there would have been none!

Bringbackthestripes · 27/01/2019 10:24

40, a nice small intimate wedding. No hen do.

Who else would I invite?! Loads of random people that I haven’t seen for years? Is 10 people a small hen do?!
Sounds perfect, you will be spending the evening with people you are close to.

Overwhelmed12 · 27/01/2019 10:31

@UpTree I know a couple who got married in Hawaii with no witnesses. I don’t know where else does this but it is possible

Lavenderee · 27/01/2019 10:38

We had sixty. And I didn’t even know all of them. I had the people there I wanted and some I didnt. Our circle is small but it is right for us

Alaimo · 27/01/2019 10:40

We had about 45 guests. We saw our wedding as a lovely opportunity for us to catch up with friends and family, have everyone in the same place, etc. Having a managable number meant we actually had time to chat with all our guests.

thecatsthecats · 27/01/2019 10:41

We had 65/70 show, plus another 20 in the evening. I suppose if we'd had work friends to invite and we'd invited all of our families (some NC going on there...) it would have pushed closer to 100 for the day.

There's literally zero chance that this woman will be in contact with those 200ish people in three years, so more fool her for forking out for what are probably a bunch of acquaintances at best.

I'd say "small" started at fifty and under, and "close family only" is the next step down, but there's no problem with small whatsoever. The worst thing you can do is have a wedding for the sake of other people.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/01/2019 10:43

We had 700 invitations out - but to be fair most of them were abroad - around 400 evening guests. Only family at the church, so that was, from memory around 100.