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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how many guests you had at your wedding? Is ours overly small?

119 replies

DiamondMine1 · 27/01/2019 10:08

I guess by this I mean people that have NOT purposefully had a very small wedding.

Getting married in June, we have approximtely 75 day guests, with probably another 10-20 in the evening.

I was having my nails done the other day, and the nail lady mentioned she was getting married in May and we were talking weddings. She was saying how much it was costing them at their venue per head and they were going over budget slightly. I said yeh, ours is pretty expensive per head too, and with around 80 day guests it certainly wasn’t working out cheap.

She seemed surprised and said ‘Oh only a small wedding then?’ I said ‘Err, yeh I guess?’ And she laughed and said ‘I’d class 80 as small, we’ve got so many friends and family between us, ours is working out about 100 on each side.’

She wasn’t being deliberately mean or anything, she just seemed surprised that we only had 80 guests.

I actually had a friend comment similar the other month. It’s making me feel like people are going to be thinking we’re Billy no mates or something Sad The thing is, I’m very sociable, but DP isn’t. He has a group of 6 men that are his best friends and that is it. He’s having 1 evening guest, an old work colleague and that’s it. He’s an only child and is estranged from his extended family so it’s just his parents attending from his family and that’s it. So I guess what I’m saying is, one side of us is only inviting about 10 people which shortens the numbers quite considerably!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wedding not a popularity contest FFS, but I guess all the weddings I’ve been to have probably been 150ish by the evening so we are probably on the low side in terms of numbers.

I just feel this huge pressure to have lots of guests, even my hen do list when I gave it to my MOH, she said ‘There’s only 10 names, are you sure that’s all you want?!’ Hmm I was like, well yes, my 9 closest friends and my mum! Who else would I invite?! Loads of random people that I haven’t seen for years? Is 10 people a small hen do?!

Have I lost tough with reality?! I just think, realistically, to have weddings with say 200 people, do people really know and hang out with 100 people regularly?

Are we odd/ Billy no mates?!

OP posts:
AllSuits · 27/01/2019 12:18

Guests: 0

Loved, loved, loved our wedding :)

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 27/01/2019 12:20

118 for the meal and and 400 for the evening.

Thumbcat · 27/01/2019 12:24

We had about 90 to the whole thing. All of our friend's weddings have been a similar size so I'd consider yours to be average, not small. I had a weekend away with two close friends in place of a hen.

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2019 12:26

Your wedding is clearly not small, but I'd be concerned about 8nviting only ten more for the evening, why not have them all during the day. Is it the case they can't make it? I just think those people are so few they may feel a bit awkward.

I'm all for evening guests but normally it's a significant number.

Xmasfairy86 · 27/01/2019 12:27

For the package and date we’ve booked we need a minimum of 80 day guests, we’ve found 82 that we’d potentially invite.

It’s by no way small. Hers is massive! And in my opinion will lose the intimacy of such a special occasion.

XiCi · 27/01/2019 12:30

I think everyone has their own ideas about what makes a perfect wedding so you should just do what's right for you. Yours sounds smaller than the norm ( for ones I've been to). Ours was about 80 in the day but another 100 in the evening.. One thing I would say is that it you only have another 10 or so guests can you not accommodate everyone for the full day? To only not invite 10 people seems a real kick in the teeth to them. We went to a wedding recently in the evening where there was only a few of us not invited to the day and it felt horrible as a guest, very isolating, almost as if you were crashing a party. It's very different when there is a large number going for the evening do, the dynamic is completely different.

happytoday73 · 27/01/2019 12:35

I think you have a pretty standard number of guests. For some people their parents have lots of siblings so asking aunts/uncles and cousins make it a big party before asking anyone else. They are therefore used to large family weddings and see it as standard. They forget that many people may have under 10 relatives as no grandparents still alive and no or just couple if aunts etc.

some people use wedding as excuse to invite everyone ever met so yes then huge
Don't worry about it whatever is best for you...

cinemalover · 27/01/2019 12:35

My boyfriend and I (not engaged yet but together nearly 2 years) have been talking about what kind of wedding we'd have, and combined we'd probably end up with 50 guests altogether! I don't get how people know so many people!

I wouldn't invite people I didn't know well or speak to much just because they're family.

Probably wouldn't do plus ones either.

NottingPhil · 27/01/2019 12:36

2 witnesses

Hanuman · 27/01/2019 12:50

That is a smallish wedding. I really wouldn't have so few evening guests. If half of those say no, which wouldn't be unusual for an evening invite, those guests will feel very awkward. I would just invite them to the whole day.

diddl · 27/01/2019 12:55

I would say it's a small wedding-but it's what you want, so who cares?

We had about 60-it was what we wanted, so that's all that matters, isn't it?

What is "overly small"-surely when you want more but can't afford?

DramaAlpaca · 27/01/2019 12:56

I had 65 at mine. It was perfect.

Mrskeats · 27/01/2019 12:56

We had us and my daughters.
That’s small. Do what you want and ignore the comments. It’s not a competition.

londonmummy2 · 27/01/2019 13:01

I had 4. 2 of them were DH and I.

Pashazade · 27/01/2019 13:06

Yup I had about 65 and it was great. Enough time to actually speak to everyone and not go massively over in terms of spending on food etc.

MirandaWest · 27/01/2019 13:12

Dh and I had 40 people all day at our wedding. Was perfect - just the right amount

DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/01/2019 13:13

I had zero guests and it was great, no hassle! My brother had about 150 - but he only knew about 50 people if that, and the bride around the same. The rest were distant relatives of the bride (second cousins she'd never met) and the bride's parents' friends and neighbours. (Parents were paying so they felt entitled to invite as many as they wanted.)

LOTR · 27/01/2019 13:15

Our wedding will be next summer. Sam numbers as you...85 day guests and probably around 10 to the hen. Have a lovely wedding day!

Pugwash1 · 27/01/2019 13:42

32 including us. It was perfect and wouldn't change a thing.

Clionba · 27/01/2019 14:02

2 - the witnesses!

Bouldghirl · 27/01/2019 14:11

15 plus the two of us. You have the wedding you want - not what others try to force on you.

Sarahandduck18 · 27/01/2019 14:19

I’d only have 30 from my side max. No family apart from parents, and who has 100 IRL not FB friends?

FrangipaniBlue · 27/01/2019 14:23

Similar number to you but if I had completely gotten my own way it would have been 20-30!!

MooChops89 · 27/01/2019 14:31

We had 40 day guests and approx 120 at night. I have a tiny family and social circle, DHs is huge but we had our closest friends and family at the wedding, no point having people just for the sake of looking popular! I had a hen weekend abroad with 3 of my best friends, and a meal / night out back home with about 20 of us

mindutopia · 27/01/2019 14:33

We had about 60, including about 15 travelling internationally to be there. I think it was probably on the smaller side but we didn’t have anyone else we really wanted to pay to be there!