AIBU to be upset/angry at older man complaining about children in restaurant.

[Wakingwillow]

Just that really. This is my first post but I've been a long time fan of AIBU. We're visiting the UK for a family event.
We're a family of 6, four kids age 11, 9 and 15 mth twins. Staying in a chain family friendly hotel for the weekend. Extended family here also.
After activities today everyone was tired so we decided to have a group family meal in the hotel restaurant. Total 7 children and 8 adults. 5 of the older children (age 8 to 11) sat at a table together next to us. All were very well behaved stayed seated, coloured pages and chatted. The twins sat with adults and made usual toddler noises but nothing too disruptive imo. We had items to keep them entertained and also took them out to lobby area several times.
We arrived at 6pm but due to under staffing there was a delay taking orders and getting food to the table. Kids were served food about 7.20 pm. Adults at 8 ish. (That needs another thread 😐)
After the toddlers had eaten my husband and I took them upstairs cleaned them up, got their pj's on then went back down with them to eat our own meal.
Just as we started eating an older man came over to our table and said that we had ruined his and his wifes night with all our noise.
I really didn't know what to say. I felt an array of emotions, embarrased, upset and finally annoyed/angry. We apologised for the toddlers being disruptive, explained there had been a long delay in them getting food and said we were doing our best to keep them occupied. I also asked him what else could we do, they had to eat to which he responded they should be feed in the room.
I'm so surprised and upset by this. I've never had this happen before and I'm usually very considerate of other diners when we're out as I'm quite shy and don't like to draw attention.
This has really upset me.
I'm just wondering what others have done / would have done in this situation.

Sollyfromsurrey - You don't visit my local Hungry Horse by any chance?

I agree MaryMarkle there's nothing in the OPs post to indicate that the man singled out the children for complaint. He seems to have been complaining about the group as a whole. With so many of them there probably was a lot of loud talking (getting louder and louder as a few glasses of wine were drunk), parents calling across to children at the adjacent table, toddlers whinging a bit etc and it all added up to really annoying clatter and noise for people at nearby tables.

Most likely the fact that you were a big group coming and going just disturbed his sense of what dinner should be like but in all honesty that's for him to suck up. If he wants a quiet atmosphere, he shouldn't be at a family restaurant
So another poster with a sense of entitlement that it's OK to be disturbing and that people don't want to disturbed thry should go elsewhere.

Can someone with that same attitude come back and confirmed that thry would have no issue at all having dolimmer at the same place with their kids and smile if such a man had got up, started playing the accordeon and singing 1930s songs?

I don't believe for one second if that happened, they wouldn't have said something to the man and/or staff and postered here the next day talking about a rude old entitled man with no respect for others guests.

Oh the double standards of entitled people! Kids are people, not royalty.

I've decided, I'm still not going to try the Hungry Horse. DS is made very welcome at the local Bill's so he likes the staff there anyway.

Thanks all for the clarifications though!

But the kids weren't making noise like playing an accordion so it really is an absolutely bizzare comparison swing

@swingofthings quite. I can well imagine the parents calling out to their children, 'Sit down and eat your dinner' and 'Don't shout'! making them a lot noisier than the children they're telling off.

I had my meal slightly spoilt yesterday by an adult (woman) with a very loud laugh. C'est la vie. If you go to a cheap restaurant there will be people there with the potential to annoy you, whether adults or children. I certainly didn't ask her to stop laughing!

I agree get over yourselves. Humans make noise.

"If you go to a cheap restaurant there will be people there with the potential to annoy you".

I really don't get this idea that the price of the restaurant has any bearing on how people behave. Bad, anti-social behaviour which is likely to negatively impact those around you isn't any more acceptable just because the food's cheap.

I eat at pubs and I have been known to (rarely mind you) eat at, what most would consider, 'high end' restaurants. I shouldn't expect children to be shouting, running about etc. any more in one than the other (although this is often the case).

I agree that price of a restaurant has nothing to do with it. People saying this are really saying my kids can run around when we eat with the plebs, but other peoples kids must not disturb me when we eat at proper i.e. expensive restaurants. Incredibly classist.

"I agree get over yourselves. Humans make noise."

What a painfully pointless statement.

So it makes no odds whether, when I pop to the pub after work tonight, I sit at a table and have a conversation with my mates OR I stand on a barstool and treat the pub to my best rendition of the Lion King soundtrack? Exactly. People expect people (including children) to make noise, what they don't expect is unnecessary, avoidable and unreasonable levels of noise which impacts on those around them.

@MaryMarkle - Exactly. I'm not a wealthy man and, this aside, actually often prefer 'simple' pub food (depending on the occasion). So if I fancy a beer and a burger I should have to expect a side order of unruly children?

Haha. Classist? Moi?
That isn't really what I meant. Braying middle class people can also be very annoying. Think I will leave it there.

"I agree get over yourselves. Humans make noise."

Yes, and there's levels of noise that are appropriate in different places. Would you go to a wedding and chat loudly during the vows? Or have a conversation at top volume on your phone in the middle of an open plan office?

Regardless of whether it's an adult or a child, there's a level of noise in an restaurant beyond which you are ruining other people's enjoyment.

You've obviously never been put sitting beside a large party in a restaurant zzzzz.

"I think there are lots of situations where it IS ok to disturb other people."

What? Why? I understand that, to some extent, we all 'disturb' people by our very existence but when is it ever acceptable to knowing disrupt someone else's enjoyment of their meal?

It's this type of attitude that actually breeds animosity towards children/families in restaurants/pubs etc. Most people won't ever notice the children sitting with their parents, engaging in conversation etc. because they will be seething at the ones that are shouting, running about and being ignored by their entitled parents.

Some of the attitudes on here that 'if you goto a family place then you have to expect my kids to ruin your night out' (OK, I'm paraphrasing) do a massive injustice to the majority of good parents who want to enjoy a family meal (and get their children accustomed to behaving amongst polite company).

When mine were toddlers and we were eating out, before leaving I'd change them into pyjamas in case they fell asleep on the way home, then just transfer them to bed.

@PhilomenaButterfly That makes a lot of sense, I must confess that I missed the toddler years (to clarify, I'm a stepdad, not an absentee) but that seems logical. My issue was with taking the kids to the room (where the beds are), getting them ready for bed and then bringing them BACK into a restaurant full of paying customers.

I really don't get this idea that the price of the restaurant has any bearing on how people behave. Bad, anti-social behaviour which is likely to negatively impact those around you isn't any more acceptable just because the food's cheap

Absolutely. Someone further upthread said something along the lines of ‘so what? They weren’t at the Ritz!’

It doesn’t matter where you are - a certain standard of behaviour is to be expected.

I think there are lots of situations where it IS ok to disturb other people. In public places you have to put up with the public
So picture yourself with your two children under 5, going to a hotel for the weekend. It has a swimming pool so kids are very excited. It's quiet when you so you start swimming with your two kids gently. Within 5 minutes, a group of 15, adults, 10 teenage kids. They jump in the pool and start messing about. They are not hurting your kids, but they make a lot of waves, splash your kids, scare them as they throw balls across the pool.

Your kids are getting disturbed, you try to make eye contact with the adults, they ignore you totally and continue to watch the teenagers play. What do you do? Do you tell your kids that you will need to get out of the hotel room and drive somewhere else to find a bigger public pool with a kiddy zone only because the big teenage boys are entitled to take over the pool and disregard anyone else wanting to enjoy a quiet swim? Or do you make do until you have enough, get your kids out and tell the pare ts that you ruin their kids enjoyment of the pool.

I dare any parent of young kids to say that they would indeed get oit of the pool and drive to find another one and consider this totally acceptable.

I really don't get this idea that the price of the restaurant has any bearing on how people behave. Bad, anti-social behaviour which is likely to negatively impact those around you isn't any more acceptable just because the food's cheap

Don't know about anyone else but I said it in response to someone saying they feel annoyed when they go to a family friendly pub/restaurant and feel annoyed when they see kids there

Yes you are being unreasonable. Instead take another look at the noise caused by your kids - he may have had a point and you may need to be more considerate in future.

When I am out with my disabled teenager I think there are times when he disrupts others and so I do think sometimes some level of disruption should be accepted as part of an inclusive society.
I don't think purely child disruption and disruption caused by disability ( adult or child) are the same thing so I am not keen on what there if there were disabled adults type arguments.
People with disabilities shouldn't be regarded in the same way as a toddler that is being kept up too late or being kept sat around a table for too long.