To think this isn’t on (childminder and school events)

[PoutySprout]

I arrange a lot of events at DD’s school.

One of the mums from DD’s class registered as a childminder about 18 months ago. She has 2 children now at the school (year 3 and reception). She has the maximum number of minded children she’s allowed to have. Causes chaos in the morning when she blocks everyone else in in the car park with her minibus, then herds the children 4 abreast as the lay crawl towards the school entrance (across a road) and blocking everyone else who just wants to be able to travel at a reasonable pace.

Anyway, since she started this she brings her minded children to school events. Discos (the triple pushchair gets in the way and she regularly loses the older children either inside or outside the school because she just can’t keep control of all of them). She came to several Xmas shows, had the kids push to the front of the queue and then hog the front seats, changed nappies and left the bags under the seats for the whole performance, fed them snacks she brought with her (we sell snacks - that’s the point) and then ignored them whilst they tried to climb on stage, winged, ran off to pull a xmas tree apart because she was filming her kids on her iPad and blocking the view of the parents behind her (we sell a DVD for a few £s). Other parent helpers are whinging to me about it, but it’s hard to know what to do. The headteacher is aware but seemingly not bothered enough to do anything about it.

Surely the minded children’s parents don’t expect them to be cared for in this way?ive never used a child minder so don’t know what’s normal.

Ok, that’s a cop out. Of course the Head has a responsibility to sort this out. I think a few of you need to sit down with them and sort out the parking situation. Start there with that one issue, and then when it’s resolved move onto another issue.

I don't believe the 2yo did wander off or else you'd have put it in your OP, I call bullshit on that actually happening and think it was an embellished drip-feed when you saw that most people were disagreeing with you.

It was in my OP.

Discos (the triple pushchair gets in the way and she regularly loses the older children either inside or outside the school because she just can’t keep control of all of them).

Meant to say the school needs to set up and call her out on bad behaviour

You said the older children, not the 2yo.

And the older children are her own two who are 8yo and 4/5yo so it's up to her whether she's comfortable with letting them wander around and how far.

Cripes.

While I can see that some of the behaviour you have described sounds annoying I am not sure that she is really your issue.

Others parents are shouting that this is the fault of the PTA when they get held up? Really? They are the problem.

You sound like you are working really hard and doing an amazing job but people are whacking you with big sticks about something whixbis actually nothing to do with you.

If she was walking with a triple buggy with her own children in would people complain to you? Why are they complaining to you about how slow she walks?

The complaints about parking are easily solved. You advise people that you have worked hard to find a parking solution which can beof use to everyone but simply don’t have time to resolve each and every dispute which arises hence will no longer be organising anything.

You have become the school whipping girl. The head doesn’t not care because he is new. He doesn’t care because it doesn’t matter.

You're getting a hard time - I love the PTA at my children's school and very grateful for their efforts! People forget they're just doing their best to help the children and school.

The major downside is dealing with this sort of crap and the head should get involved.

So the REAL issue is her blocking the club car park?

Carparks always bring out OTT territorial behaviour.

If a two year old in her care wander out onto a road thempn this does need to be reported. If a child is in apdanger and not being cared for properly then it should be reported to social services.

Did you witness his?

Only afterwards. I was in the (dark) hall. When the DJ finished I could hear a commotion in the corridor and went to see what was going on. Another parent had been leaving with their child and found the toddler on the pavement in front of the school. She brought them back in and started asking parents if they knew who the child was. A couple of minutes later the childminder parent starts shouting the child’s name, and parents started looking for them and after a few minutes both parties sort of met in the middle.

Later that night the father of the child starts ranting on our social media about how the discos are dangerous and we should be keeping his child safe. But we didn’t invite the child to the bloody disco! The head at the time did have a word with her about it then. That would have been about 18 months ago now. It was the summer disco - good job as the other parent might not have spotted them on a dark winter afternoon!

Well if the headteacher has directly told you it's none of THEIR business, why on earth do you think it's yours?!

You said the older children, not the 2yo.

Sorry - should have said other children.

There are 3 adults looking after 100 children! Wtf! Surely that isn't allowed?

Well if the headteacher has directly told you it's none of THEIR business, why on earth do you think it's yours?!

Fair point.

There are 3 adults looking after 100 children! Wtf! Surely that isn't allowed?

It’s not. That’s why parents have to stay. We aren’t looking after any children but our own. We’re selling food and drinks and painting faces!

So the REAL issue is her blocking the club car park?

That’s what’s kicking off at the moment too. The other stuff has been simmering in the background for a while (with many people, it seems).

No! But when I’ve spoken to the (new-ish) headteacher he says he doesn’t have responsibility for parent behaviour on a site not owned by the school.

And you don’t have responsibility for parent behaviour. Simply tell people this and forget about it. I’m not sure what any of this has to do with you.

I also can’t believe a child damaged a Christmas tree and not a single adult in the hall stepped in to stop it.

While I can see that some of the behaviour you have described sounds annoying I am not sure that she is really your issue.

I think I’m seeing that, thanks to this thread.

Others parents are shouting that this is the fault of the PTA when they get held up? Really? They are the problem.

Not sure what you mean. They park as required, walk back to get their cars and go to work and can’t get out of the car park because she’s blocked the exit and takes ages to get everyone out, into school and then the little ones back.

You sound like you are working really hard and doing an amazing job but people are whacking you with big sticks about something whixbis actually nothing to do with you.

Thanks. It’s worth it for the most part. But this bit is soul destroying. All I’ve had all week is whiny messenger and twitter messages.

If she was walking with a triple buggy with her own children in would people complain to you? Why are they complaining to you about how slow she walks?

She doesn’t bring the buggy in the morning. She walks all of the children (not sure how many others but certainly her 2, the 3 little ones plus a couple of other 3/4/5 year olds?) in holding hands. All of them holding hands in 2 lines with her in the middle of the littlest ones. They take up quite a lot of space and move slowly, and this week some complaints have been about her being all over the gritted path and people who can’t wait because they have to get to work have had to risk walking on Ivey bits to get their children into school on time (there is only a 10 minute drop off window).

The complaints about parking are easily solved. You advise people that you have worked hard to find a parking solution which can beof use to everyone but simply don’t have time to resolve each and every dispute which arises hence will no longer be organising anything.

Yes. This could be the way to go. Thank you

You have become the school whipping girl. The head doesn’t not care because he is new. He doesn’t care because it doesn’t matter.

You might be right

*icey bits

In our school you have to buy a ticket for everyone who enters the door- even a newborn in a car seat would require one. It’s to do with fire regulations and maximum numbers allowed in the Hall, perhaps you could run a similar system.

So discos are organised which 100 children want to attend but only three parents bother to support by staying.

I honestly think you have far bigger issues than this woman’s method of childminding.

Had one of my kids been wandering in a car park when they were being minded I can assure you I wouldn’t be on Facebook blaming the PTA. Did no one point out it was her responsibility?

It honestly just seems weird that people seem to willing to externalise blame to either this woman or the PTA

Not read whole thread but I don’t think you are BU. She sounds like a CF and a pain in the arse.

And you don’t have responsibility for parent behaviour. Simply tell people this and forget about it. I’m not sure what any of this has to do with you.

I think they’ve just seen me as an extension of the school, to be honest.

I also can’t believe a child damaged a Christmas tree and not a single adult in the hall stepped in to stop it.

Well, they did. I think people are frightened to touch children they aren’t related to/known by these days. It’s quite sad.

You have a few options for dealing with her in relation to PTA events. You could ban commercial use - i.e. no one can bring people they are paid to care for to events or you could charge for non-siblings to attend. The car park - locking the gate for a week might wake a few people up but it is unlikely to stop her from doing exactly the same as soon as it's opened up again. So if you do have to lock the gates then send out a message to parents saying you need parents to volunteer for a roster to "police" the car park and turn way vehicles larger than an SUV/sedan/whatever you decide.

But think carefully about trying to freeze her out. The car park seems fair enough in many ways since it sounds like the PTA is paying for it but is not getting use out of it because of her behaviour. The rest is mainly feckless parenting, which is exacerbated by her having more children because of the childminding but is still something you need to be able to deal with anyway. Targetting her like this could really damage the community you have at the school and potentially make things really uncomfortable for her children. If you think the PTA is going to collapse if you don't do something about her then you may need to act. But a bit of tolerance and a blind eye is often a more successful way of dealing with one parent who doesn't pull their weight.

I do think yabu at-all
Changing and Leaving dirty nappies under seats ( disgusting), inconsiderate parking, letting kids ruin sets and plays for other kids isn’t on at all