To think this isn’t on (childminder and school events)

[PoutySprout]

I arrange a lot of events at DD’s school.

One of the mums from DD’s class registered as a childminder about 18 months ago. She has 2 children now at the school (year 3 and reception). She has the maximum number of minded children she’s allowed to have. Causes chaos in the morning when she blocks everyone else in in the car park with her minibus, then herds the children 4 abreast as the lay crawl towards the school entrance (across a road) and blocking everyone else who just wants to be able to travel at a reasonable pace.

Anyway, since she started this she brings her minded children to school events. Discos (the triple pushchair gets in the way and she regularly loses the older children either inside or outside the school because she just can’t keep control of all of them). She came to several Xmas shows, had the kids push to the front of the queue and then hog the front seats, changed nappies and left the bags under the seats for the whole performance, fed them snacks she brought with her (we sell snacks - that’s the point) and then ignored them whilst they tried to climb on stage, winged, ran off to pull a xmas tree apart because she was filming her kids on her iPad and blocking the view of the parents behind her (we sell a DVD for a few £s). Other parent helpers are whinging to me about it, but it’s hard to know what to do. The headteacher is aware but seemingly not bothered enough to do anything about it.

Surely the minded children’s parents don’t expect them to be cared for in this way?ive never used a child minder so don’t know what’s normal.

Hi OP. This has been mentioned a couple of times now but may have missed your answer.

In response to ‘It’s a tiny village school with (currently) no at risk children’ - how do you know this?

I used CM with my children and had no issue whatsoever with them taking them to school/nursery events

Glad you had no issue. What about the parents looking forward to their child’s performance and having taken precious time off work to do so?

What about the parents looking forward to their child’s performance and having taken precious time off work to do so?

What about them? The CM has as much right as they do to go see her child's performance,it just so happens she is in a job that enables her to do so without booking time off.

@zzzzz if someone is so out of control with the number of children they are caring for that they can't get one to a toilet then they are not doing their job. You actually think in that changing nappies and leaving them on the floor is in any way acceptable? In case you are in doubt, it's not. If a person has too many children to responsibly look after them then stop making excuses for them. And yes, if you are so out of control that your wards are running around, climbing in the stage, ripping off decorations and crapping in the hall then you are a failure at your job and a safeguarding danger. If on top of this you think the wisest use of your time is filming your own dc in an iPad then you shouldn't even be allowed to care for children. There is no argument. This is totally unacceptable.

Glad you had no issue. What about the parents looking forward to their child’s performance and having taken precious time off work to do so?

What, like I also have to do?

I have no idea the point of your post. I am a working mother who used a childminder when my kids were small. I knew that if the childminder had something on, like seeing her own kids in a nursery or school event, she’d take mine. That’s how CM work in my experience. Similarly, if I wanted to see my own kids in their events, I’d take the time off. Really not sure of your point?

In response to ‘It’s a tiny village school with (currently) no at risk children’ - how do you know this?

Because when I was setting up the PTA Facebook page I told the then head that we wouldn’t be putting any photos of children on there or naming any children for safeguarding and was told then that there wouldn’t be any issues if we did as no at risk children. We still wouldn’t put up photos or name children anywhere publically because I don’t feel it’s my place to do so.

Similarly, each year the school asks if anyone objects to parents filming the shows themselves, and none are ever received hence filming is allowed.

And at a school event you’re going to get younger children there who may be noisy, cry etc. Someone had a baby at my son’s leaving assembly that screamed all the way through. Yes it was annoying but presumably the mum also wanted to see her child’s leaving assembly, and had to bring her baby with her. 🤷🏼‍♀️

That said this woman still sounds like an annoying arse. I’ve known plenty of CM who take kids along to events and manage not to piss everyone off, keep control of the kids and not leave festering bags of shit everywhere

100% with sollyfromsurrey here, as well as OP. She has the right to park properly in the car park and to come to the school play to watch her children. That's where her rights end and her responsibilities begin.

OP, I'm getting stressed just reading this and it's not even anything to do with me! In your place, I'd consider leaving this thread with the advice you can use in hand and the really odd reactions from some posters forgotten. You definitely have more important things to do than defend yourself here.

Yes it was annoying but presumably the mum also wanted to see her child’s leaving assembly, and had to bring her baby with her. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Parents are welcomed at the start of each show, as are younger children, by the head. He acknowledges that young children may get bored or fractious and asks parents to please take them just outside the hall of that happens in order that they don’t disturb the children on stage. Most will sit between the middle and the back of the hall at the end of a row in order to do that. We often get parents bringing smaller babies right to the back where we are so that they can bounce them/feed them whatever without distracting anyone else. To move from front and centre without causing massive upheaval would be impossible.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but I do feel that the HT is by letting you deal with all of this.

The number of performances and events you’re organising is excessive IMO and I think an arrangement needs to be set up with school for the handling of complaints and new rules need to be put in place regarding ticketing for events ie every body who attends (adult or child) must have a ticket. This could be to ensure maximum capacity of the venue isn’t exceeded. School discos should be open to children that attend the school only. It isn’t a public event. Regarding the parking, this is far too much hassle for a volunteer! If HT wants PTA to have the contract, there should be an arrangement where HT deals with any issues that arise.

When you have the conversation with HT make sure that you make it clear that you cannot remain in your role if things continue as they currently are and changes need to be made.

Also, blocking fire escapes is a fire risk and this should not be allowed to happen. Before every show starts, this should be checked and rectified before the show begins. When the letter is sent out regarding buying tickets, this should be stated in the letter that fire escape routes must not be blocked.

TBH OP I think you are still taking on this burden on yourself unnecessarily

Parents complain about parking (is this the school car park? or another car park you rent for events) - nothing to do with you - tell them to tell the Head
Sports Day incident - nice of you to help out the neighbour - but you should have told them - insisted in fact that they talk to the Head
Fire escape blocked - the H&S/fire safety officer on the day (volunteer or staff) - deal with it at the time
Nappy situation - one of the people sitting near tells her to move it - at the time etc

The longer you deal with this stuff, or act as an intermediary, the less of a problem it is for the Head, who is, actually the person who has the authority, and whose responsibility it is to sort it out.

Parents complain about parking (is this the school car park? or another car park you rent for events) - nothing to do with you - tell them to tell the Head

The school doesn’t have a car park that parents can use. So the PTA has an arrangement with a local sports club to use theirs. Not just for events. Every day for school drop off and pick up. School isn’t part of the contract in any way so the club complains to me and the head says it’s not his arrangement and therefore not his issue.

Sports Day incident - nice of you to help out the neighbour - but you should have told them - insisted in fact that they talk to the Head

The head was on the sports field 300 metres away comparing. How do you suggest he could have dealt with a resident needing to get off their drive for an appointment any quicker than I did. When I could get his attention I did. And he paused the races in case any other —selfish twats— people needed to move their cars.

Fire escape blocked - the H&S/fire safety officer on the day (volunteer or staff) - deal with it at the time

I don’t know who the fire officer is. Presume the head. We’ve never been asked to cover it (not would we).

Nappy situation - one of the people sitting near tells her to move it - at the time etc

It shouldn’t have been there in the first place. I have no control/influence over parents sitting and watching a play. Do you think I have telepathic powers?

You're missing the point. You're assuming responsibility for too much. With no authority to do so.

PTA car park thing IS your/the PTA's responsibility then. Sounds like an absolute nightmare. Do the parents pay something to raise an income? If not I would cancel the arrangement too much hassle. Head is right to keep out.

Neighbour thing - as I said, you did the right thing by the neighbour. But were you wearing a high vis vest or something? You've assumed responsibility. Taken the problem from the neighbour and made it yours. Neighbour needs to complain vociferously to the Head, Head's problem. You've no authority to deal with it.

You need to know who the fire officer is. If there is a fire who would supervise evacuation? Their job, not your problem.

Nappy - horrid. Anyone affected should have said so at the time. It's in the past you can't change it. I don't think you have telepathic powers but the fact that you ask points up that you think its your responsibility to police peoples' behaviour confirms my point.

You need to work out what IS down to you, and stop dealing with what is not.

You're missing the point. You're assuming responsibility for too much. With no authority to do so.

PTA car park thing IS your/the PTA's responsibility then. Sounds like an absolute nightmare. Do the parents pay something to raise an income? If not I would cancel the arrangement too much hassle. Head is right to keep out.

If you read the thread you’ll see that that is already being sorted out.

Neighbour thing - as I said, you did the right thing by the neighbour. But were you wearing a high vis vest or something?

No. I was the first person the neighbour found because I was manning the PTA stall near the school gates. She asked if I was staff, I said no, they were all down on the field and she said she had been blocked in and needed to get out ASAP for a medical appointment. I could see there was room for her to get out, but she was panicking so I did what I would do for anyone struggling to get out of a parking space - I helped her and then made sure the parent was made aware at an appropriate time through appropriate means. Sending the woman to disrupt the nursery egg and spoon race would have been preferable, would it?

You've assumed responsibility. Taken the problem from the neighbour and made it yours.

No. I helped someone that was struggling. Not everything needs to be a big show.

Neighbour needs to complain vociferously to the Head, Head's problem. You've no authority to deal with it.

She did. He sent a letter to all parents reminding them that they have a duty to be respectful to neighbouring residents, and that the parking on that day caused residents issues. I wasn’t involved beyond receiving the letter and a chat with the head later.

You need to work out what IS down to you, and stop dealing with what is not.

Again, even if you only read my posts in the thread you’ll see that that advice is a bit late.

Eh, I have read the thread, throughout you are still asking for advice, apparently fed up with the hassle you are getting from other parents. If you are as officious and prickly with your replies to people in real life as you are here, life must be a nightmare --

I don't think you are bullying this woman, it's just unfortunate that she is causing a bunch of different problems. But the point is not to take on the burden of sorting those problems, and to stop appearing to be the person in charge. I was joking re the hi vis vest, but it appears that wrt the school you are, metaphorically, wearing one.

Gosh, OP. You've had a tough time with this thread.
I say this as a childminder in wales, she sounds like a bit of a pain in the arse.

But by skimming the thread, I think you've realised now that she's not really the issue. You are going way over what you should be doing for this school and the parents.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be taking a step back from all of it, and let the school resolve any issues directly with the parents. That doesn't mean you have to stop fundraising and volunteering, but your role should be a pleasant one. You should be able to enjoy helping out your school.
A lot has been put on your shoulders, I do feel sorry for you!

Ps: I hope someone reported the CM losing the child at the disco to the CIW. Shocking that a CM who's supposed to be responsible for these children had lost a child! She should have lost her registration for that!