To not want him to come home?

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The minute my husband walks in the door from work he starts packing stuff away or tidying up.
I wouldn't mind if it was helpful and the kids and I had moved on to another game. But, he will pack away what we are doing.
The most recent example. The kids are I were having a picnic and riding skateboards in the garden. He got home, packed up the muffins and started putting away the skateboards.
I've had many calm discussions asking him to stop doing this. Nothing has changed.

AIBU to be annoyed?

Why does he say he does that? Also, unpack the things he packs away!

I'd lose my temper and scream at him. How rude, thoughtless and disrespectful. What is he playing at?

@JamPasty he gets cranky and says he's helping.

Tell him he’s not then just carry on and ignore his tantrum. What a dick

@Singlenotsingle I've seriously had enough. I've yelled. I've screamed.
I just don't understand WHY he does it. I've asked so many times and I can't get a decent answer.

@Costacoffeeplease I tell him to stop. I get the stuff back. We keep playing.
But it's getting to me. I hate the grumpiness and negativity.

As soon as he reaches for something then a loud and assertive "we're still using that please put it back down" should be enough surely?

@CantWaitToRetire it stops him. But then he's grumpy for the night as he was "just trying to help".

Don't yell, don't scream, just ask him to put it back down, and then say calmly - hey if you'd like to help, can you make me a cuppa/whatever. Ie distract in the way you would with a toddler with challenging behaviour!

@JamPasty I'd be interested to see what he'd say if I asked him to make me a cuppa instead

Could you ask him to join in the game instead? Maybe he's feeling a bit left out of the fun and he's not sure how to integrate.

Is he a bit OCD with tidiness around the house?

@CantWaitToRetire incredibly OCD.
The house has to be spotless or he cannot cope.

Is this a new thing or has he always been like it?

My partner is compulsively tidy and constantly tidies up around me, especially when I'm cooking. I'll leave a spoon out because I'm planning to use it for something else, turn around and it's been washed up and put away. And tidying up after the toddler before she's gone to bed which is POINTLESS because she'll only drag it all out again. Drives me spare. We've basically had a chat now that he's not allowed to clean up when I'm in a room. And if he wants to waste his time tidying up things that don't need tidying that's his time to waste. Just about keeps us both sane! But it is maddening. Then again I tend to 'mean to' tidy something up and then forget, so he probably wants to murder me a lot as well

Stop screaming at him - it's abusive and uncalled for, especially in front of your kids

Ask him, calmly, to seek help for his OCD tendencies
In the meantime, offer him something that would help - "instead if tidying, would you mind taking the bins out / feeding the dog / preheating the oven for dinner?"

@Costacoffeeplease it's always been a thing but definitely getting more intense.

@Namestheyareachangin oh it's the same here. It's like he follows me around the house to clean up any small mess that I might incidentally make. I hate it.

@Omzlas you are right, I do need to stop screaming. I never used to. I've just reached my threshold, which isn't a good enough excuse.
It's got to the point that I don't want him to come home anymore. I dread it.

So he's not trying to help he's responding to his own OCD tendencies without considering how it is affecting you. I think you need to sit down and have a calm discussion with him about his OCD and how it's having a negative affect on the rest of the family. He maybe needs to seek some treatment - CBT or ERP - because it's upsetting you and him that he can't deal with any mess, and no mess is not natural, especially in a family with children.

OP, this is abusive behaviour on his part. Think about it. He does something which upsets and annoys you and the DC - you ask him to stop doing it. He does not stop, but blames you and is angry and aggressive.

If he does have OCD and mess upsets him, it's his responsibility to get some help with managing it. You and DC should not have to put up with constant disturbance and interference, and his sulking and bad temper. And yes, this sort of 'minor irritation' is worth ending a marriage over, because it's basically bullying you all.

I'd be quite clear with him how it's affecting the relationship and that refusal to seek help could be a deal breaker.

Tell him you don’t want him to come home and why, would that shock him?

Well in case he doesn't get how upsetting it is, I'd wait until he was deep in the middle of something and go in and 'tidy up'. That might drive it home. If not, then he needs to seek treatment for his OCD because it's ruining your relationship.

Why the face at the thought of asking him to make you a cuppa? Is it just tidying he does 'for you' and nothing else?

It’s his way of saying the place is not tidy enough for him.