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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband opening post

124 replies

Toughtips · 24/01/2019 18:00

Would this bother you? I don't open his so don't expect him to open mine.

We got in at the same time tonight and as I was getting out the car he shouted me to hurry up cos he wanted to show me the letter.

Would this bother you? I asked why he'd not just left it for me to open and he went off in a huff.

Aibu?

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 24/01/2019 18:02

I personally dont care if DH opens my mail, but that is my choice. YANBU for having a different choice.

meow1989 · 24/01/2019 18:02

You're going to be told YANBU but I'm guilty of opening DH post if it looks important because otherwise it gets found unopened months later.

Passportapplication · 24/01/2019 18:02

We open each other's post, nothing to hide, it's whoever gets to it first on any given day.

pickingdaisies · 24/01/2019 18:04

I don't open other people's mail without their permission. I expect the same courtesy. Yanbu.

cricketballs3 · 24/01/2019 18:04

As pass said - first in opens post (but we don't have separate bank accounts etc and never felt the need to keep anything seperate)

Rtmhwales · 24/01/2019 18:05

I think in a marriage I'd like to feel comfortable enough with us opening each other's post but my husband would've hit the roof if I'd done this while married.

moredoll · 24/01/2019 18:05

That would annoy me too. Illegal apart from anything else.

OutPinked · 24/01/2019 18:05

He has asked me to open his post before now when he’s at work and wants to know what something says. I wouldn’t care if he opened mine because it’s all innocuous bullshit he knows anyway.

jessstan1 · 24/01/2019 18:06

He shouldn't have gone off in a huff nor should he have opened your letter if you've agreed not to open each other's post. Some married people do, fair enough. I don't open my husband's, nor he mine. I enjoy opening my post (although it's usually junk or bills :-)), I get a buzz out of it. Nothing to hide but that's not the point.

Only time I've ever opened someone else's is by mistake and can honestly say husband has never opened mine.

Tell him to respect your privacy and stop being a baby.

Original poster
Toughtips · 24/01/2019 18:06

I haven't got anything to hide but I quite enjoy opening my own post.

I never open his cos I don't think it's anything that would interest me.

I see it the same as opening parcels. I wouldn't open his parcels.

OP posts:
AllSuits · 24/01/2019 18:06

I would be happy for DH to open mine, but I know he absolutely wouldn't.

And vice versa. I would never open his without asking, ie, 'looks like junk, shall I check?'

Anything inportant looking I leave in his draw. Yes, he has a draw.

Passportapplication · 24/01/2019 18:06

Illegal? If you're married, really? Crikey...

Passportapplication · 24/01/2019 18:08

Gosh we open anything and everything of each other's except at Christmas as don't want him opening his presents on Dec 1st!

Editha · 24/01/2019 18:09

I think this is individual. It bothers some people - you, and other people don’t mind - your husband. No one is being unreasonable unless they’re going against someone else’s expressed wishes. Have you told him you don’t want him to open your post?

PinkPuter · 24/01/2019 18:09

I wouldn't care, but I think we may be unusual because we frequently use and go out with each others phones if we can't find our own, and use each others email addresses because for example my email we use for amazon and his for school.

WhatHaveIFound · 24/01/2019 18:10

We open each others post though obviously not birthday cards. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Wingedharpy · 24/01/2019 18:11

How long have you been married?
Has he always done this?
Have you told him not to?
Do you open his mail?

IMHO mail should be opened by the addressee only, unless you have been advised otherwise.

DH doesn't open my mail (nor I his) after having stern words early on in our marriage.
We have nothing to hide from each other -It's just a matter of principle.
I am not him and he is not me.

Seniorcitizen1 · 24/01/2019 18:11

We both open the mail whoever it is addressed to

minieggmunchers · 24/01/2019 18:12

if neither of you have anything to hide, this should not be a big deal. You choose not to open his, he probably doesn't see it as an issue. If it is that big a deal, talk to him

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 24/01/2019 18:13

While I would have no problem opening my dh post if required or asking him to open mine if required, we just don’t do it. We share everything including joint finances etc but we have a healthy respect for each others privacy. I don’t use his phone or go through it, I don’t open his letters or read his emails - all of which I have access to. He is the same with me. Just becuase you are married doesn’t mean you morph into one entity

Floralnomad · 24/01/2019 18:13

Wouldn’t bother me , I doubt dh has opened a letter for over 20 yrs and the only times he opens parcels is if I definitely know it’s something for his extremely boring hobby and then he gets the pleasure of opening it .

Original poster
Toughtips · 24/01/2019 18:15

I don't have anything to hide.

I like to open my own post.

Don't give a second thought about his as I just put it on side for him.

I just like to open my own post.

OP posts:
user1486076969 · 24/01/2019 18:15

The only time I've opened DH post is when he's been working abroad for weeks at a time.

Original poster
Toughtips · 24/01/2019 18:16

And I've tried talking to him. He got in huff and went in the bath.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 24/01/2019 18:16

Just tell him not to open your post.