Husband opening post

[Toughtips]

Would this bother you? I don't open his so don't expect him to open mine.

We got in at the same time tonight and as I was getting out the car he shouted me to hurry up cos he wanted to show me the letter.

Would this bother you? I asked why he'd not just left it for me to open and he went off in a huff.

Aibu?

We share all money, no secrets over phones etc but no we don't open each others post, what need would there be to do that? Just weird.

We open each other’s post but have a clear understanding with each other this is ok.
It’s a bit off but no big deal if you’ve not talked about it before
It’s very wrong of him if you’ve said you like to open your own post.
I’d let this one go but mention you want him not to in future

YANBU - post is for the named person only - why would anyone think this was ok?

We view opening post as boring admin job, so anyone sorting through it is seen as doing a favour.
However if it was a hand addressed letter from an old friend(which I never get), I wouldn't want him to open and read it.

Ah the standard Mumsnet 'life admin' which seems to take up 30 hours a week

We usually open our own post, but it doesn't bother either us if we open each others. If my DP opens mine it's usually because it looks important and he thinks it needs dealing with - and he's usually right and he usually deals with it :) or tells me and I deal with it 2 weeks too late!

Me and DH alway open one another's mail depending on who picks it up. Maybe because we can both work away so need to make sure nothing needs actioning.
The only time we don't open one another's parcels is at Christmas. Otherwise it's a free for all!

YANBU - just tell him not to open your mail

We always open bills etc or official letters, we leave personal letters but don't get many!

I do but not before waving it at DH and telling him I’m going to. Things have been known to get lost in the pile of doom on the table otherwise. YANBU if you mind.

Nothing about being married entitles you to open someone else’s post without express permission. The same goes for emails and text messages. It isn’t an issue that you need to come to an agreement about either - it’s not a negotiation. The only time I’ve ever opened my DHs post is when he’s been waiting for something important and then I’ve called him to ask if he would like me to open it rather than waiting.

My ex-h used to do this, it was a control thing I think, he would refuse to accept that a married couple were entitled to any individual privacy.

I'd be very cross if DP took it upon himself to look at my post. It's not about having anything to hide it's about respect. It's addressed to me, it's MY post.

My Dh hasn't opened a letter in the 30 years that I have known him. He does open parcels as he likes them.

Just ask him not to open it.

But this:
I never open his cos I don't think it's anything that would interest me.
Makes it sound like you don't have a moral objection to opening his mail, you just don't find his mail as entertaining as yours.

We don't open each other's post , no particular reason other than it being for the adressee.
Does he also go in your handbag?

I wouldn't open anything not addressed to me...is that odd?

No, it's not odd. DH opens his post, I open mine. I wouldn't want him to open mine, no secrets, and we happily swap phones if needed and know each others passwords, but my post is my own.

This is beyond a dealbreaker to me - it's very deep in my upbringing that you ABSOLUTELY NEVER open someone else's letter. It's so deep that I wouldn't understand what had happened if dh had ever done this - I don't imagine that it's possible. I'm amazed that so many couples clearly don't have the same approach!

I have very very occasionally done it when dh has asked me to open something he's been waiting for, and even then I'd only do it while on the phone to dh and explaining exactly what I am holding and how it looks at every stage so he can withdraw consent at any time.

Can you do a 'what happened, are you ill?' kind of approach - like it's such a weird thing to do that he must be having a breakdown? Make him feel how out there this is.

I'd go fucking nuts if I'm honest.

Thankfully the husband knows how onfeelt about it but I don't think it would occur to him to open it.

Tell the nosey git to pack it in.

It wouldn't actually bother me but thinking about it neither of us do out of politeness. We leave each others post on the table in a pile if its addressed to just one of us. It does seem like a rude thing to do even if it's your spouse for some reason. I'd always ask first.

I expect my mail to stay private unless I mean to share it.
This means my partner who I've just moved in with, has been coming home to the odd pile now and then.
I told him I knew the mail was going to be boring from the look of the envelopes but that I wouldn't expect to be allowed to open his when I like to open mine.
Sweet of him that he genuinely doesn't mind. It's just how I feel, I have privacy issues.

You may not have anything to hide but it's still encroaching on your private space. I wouldn't have it personally.

The person who wrote to me didn’t give their permission to have their letter read, first, by someone else! 9/10 won’t matter but what about the 10th time?

It’s actually a criminal offence to open another’s post

I can't believe people are ok with this! I'd find it so weird and intrusive!