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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband opening post

124 replies

Toughtips · 24/01/2019 18:00

Would this bother you? I don't open his so don't expect him to open mine.

We got in at the same time tonight and as I was getting out the car he shouted me to hurry up cos he wanted to show me the letter.

Would this bother you? I asked why he'd not just left it for me to open and he went off in a huff.

Aibu?

OP posts:

malmi · 25/01/2019 13:09

It's not illegal to open post that has come through your door, unless you are intending to act to the true recipient's detriment. So there's no legality involved. Just tell him you want to open your own post from now on.

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 25/01/2019 13:10

For us it's weird and invasive - we are separate people. Also I'm not responsible for him getting to his medical appointments and I feel like I would be taking on some of that responsibility if I opened letters about them.

Sometimes if I'm away DH will phone me and say I've had a letter, return address so and so and do I want him to open it and I don't think I've ever said no. But it's MY POST so I get to decide what happens to it, every time.

2019Dancerz · 25/01/2019 13:26

A friend shouldn’t ask you not to tell your spouse something
Fuck away off with that idea. So if I tell a friend exactly what my last miscarriage was like, or that I’ve gone off sex since the menopause (or that I’ve gone on it for that matter), or that I don’t know whether I’ll stay with dh for ever - that’s all fair game for friend’s husband to know too? Privacy and dignity are important even for married people.

RainbowWaffles · 25/01/2019 15:28

I would love to hear someone reporting their OH to police for opening their post at home!

Diamondangel8 · 25/01/2019 15:42

why is he rushing in to open your post? does he have something to hide?

SpiritedLondon · 25/01/2019 15:42

It’s the sort of thing that would be disclosed during divorce proceedings under the heading “ and another thing”.

Diamondangel8 · 25/01/2019 15:42

I never open dh post and vice versa

Wearywithteens · 25/01/2019 15:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 25/01/2019 15:57

My DH is so far the other way, he even saves junk mail for me even if I am away travelling for months. Fucking annoys me, but it would annoy me far more if he ever dared open my mail.

DadDadDad · 25/01/2019 15:58

Well, you're shocked because presumably you can only imagine boundaries being set one way.

My DW and I respect each other and know each other's boundaries, but (for example) her opening a bill that is addressed to me does not cross one of my boundaries - we do what works for us.

DGRossetti · 25/01/2019 16:28

Through bad planning DW and I have the same initials. Combine that with her dodgy eyesight, and she sometimes opens my letters or passes me a letter for her that she's misread the name on.

At least I know when my smear test is

As a rule we're trying to move away from dead-tree correspondence where possible on the grounds it's 2019, not 1819.

legolimb · 25/01/2019 16:31

We dont open each other's post.

Nor read the other persons emails or texts or even touch their phone.

It's private.

We have no secrets but are individual beings.

kaytee87 · 25/01/2019 16:32

DH and I don't open each other's mail. If something important looking came in for his business (I'm a 40% shareholder) then I'd text him and ask if he wants me to open it as I do some general admin/book keeping bits for the business but it has his name on it so I still wouldn't open without asking.
It's ok to want some privacy in a relationship and it doesn't mean you have anything to hide.

limpbizkit · 25/01/2019 16:35

I'm surprise nobody has said your husbands huff is 'emotional abuse' yet clearly there's more sensible posters on this thread. Personal preference... I don't routinely open DH's and he wouldn't dream of opening mine. But I wouldn't be totally offended if he did and vice versa. But if it is something that bothers you it's totally acceptable to feel like that. It is a bit of an invasion of privacy. I can see how it'd feel like that. When he's had his soak and got over his huff just tell him for future reference you just like to open your own post.

TrickyD · 25/01/2019 16:46

DH never opens any letter of his own, never mind mine. If I didn't do it there would be a huge pile, some of it important.

Hotterthanahotthing · 25/01/2019 16:59

If a letter has been open I probably would assume it's not for me so not read it.I like to open my own then I can chuck junk and deal with and file the rest.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 25/01/2019 17:41

2019 - your friends are telling all their husbands that - you just will never know that they are as the husbands will never let on that they know.

Biker47 · 25/01/2019 18:50

Illegal apart from anything else.

It's not.

moredoll · 25/01/2019 20:29

Illegal apart from anything else.

According to the Postal Services Act 2000, it is illegal to open mail that is not addressed to you, unless you can show reasonable excuse.

Your DH isn't you and you aren't him.

DadDadDad · 25/01/2019 21:25

I've quoted the Postal Services Act further up (at 13:00 today), and you've missed some other crucial conditions. Opening your husband's mail is not illegal in itself.

moredoll · 25/01/2019 21:38

Opening post with someone else's name on it, ie addressed to someone else, is illegal in itself. You have to have a good reason to do so.

DadDadDad · 25/01/2019 21:51

Looks like I'm going to have to paste it again:

A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.

You have to be acting to their detriment AND have no good reason AND it has to have been incorrectly delivered. Opening your husband's post that has been correctly delivered, so you can filter out the junk and leaving the rest on the side for him to read might invade his privacy but I just can't see how it comes close to being an offence!

C0untDucku1a · 25/01/2019 21:56

I would never open my dh’s parcels or cards, but i do open official looking envelopes / bills. Because he doesnt pay them. He just ignores them. Then there are bailiff letters. Again, he ignores.

I wish i didnt need to open his mail. But he is a dick and sadly i need to parent him.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 25/01/2019 22:59

No need to get snarky @AllSuits - and I'm not perfect. It obviously wasn't a typo as you wrote it twice. It's a stupid new deformation of a word which is just wrong. It's annoying to see it catch on that's all. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Anyway, as I said, off topic.

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