Friends that waste your time.

[FirstTimeMum347]

I’m a first time mum and I’m trying my best. Trying my best to make sure my baby is happy, make sure she’s fed and warm and is being brought up in a clean and happy home. Trying to balance all this takes up every hour of my day and I love it. I love being a mum, I love having a purpose. Someone to look after, someone that needs me. It’s lovely being needed. I’ve never felt anything like this in my life. So I feel like I owe it to my baby to make sure she’s got the best mum I can be. Physically and mentally, she’s what motivates me. So while I’m trying to be the best mum I can be, making sure my house is tidy and I’m not shoving junk food in my mouth, along with trying to still have quality time with my partner and just getting used to being a little family of three, it takes up all my time. I know people may think that I’m on maternity ‘she must be bored’ I’m not. My days are filled with baby swim classes, walks around the park, health visitor appointments, housework, tea times, bath times then bedtime routines. So my time is precious to me. I don’t have time for the same things I used to. So I don’t appreciate it when I’ve made plans with friends and I’ve made sure I’ve gotten up early, house is fairly tidy, everything is ready for her coming over for breakfast and then my friend shows up two hours late. I’m starving, not sure as to whether I should go ahead and eat myself as she won’t answer any calls or texts. When she does finally show and I challenge her on her time keeping, I get “I do have 4 kids you know!!”. Which I totally understand but because she has four children and I only have one, does that mean that my time isn’t as precious as hers? Before I had my DD (only 8 weeks ago) she would always use the excuse “I do have kids you know” to why she would show up late to other events. But now I have a child of my own she uses the amount of kids as her excuse to being late and wasting my time. Is it really alright to show up two hours late to someone’s house then expect them to cook your breakfast? 9am is early to meet with friends but when it was her that suggested the time, I didn’t think it would be an issue. This is not the first time this friend has been ridiculously late then showing up with no apology. But I feel like it’s the straw that broke the camels back for me. It’s not just my time she’s wasting now, its my child’s. Her time keeping totally ruined our plans for that day and I have no intentions of making any arrangements to see her anytime soon. My partner thinks I’m being too cut throat, as he worried that being on maternity leave that I will become lonely and that will lead to baby blues. But I’d much rather spend the day with my baby than people that take the piss. I just don’t feel like I have time for the friends that I did before. Am I wrong for feeling that way? Could all this still be the pregnancy hormones leaving me? As much as I don’t want to be friendless, I just feel that I don’t have time for the friends that I used to. Is that normal?

You’re 8 weeks in and tbh one child is a walk in the park compared to 4. But that doesn’t mean your friend isn’t taking the piss. I have a friend like this and it drives me insane, once or twice I can let go but when someone is consistently, reliably(!) late then it does grate.

She’ll never change and you don’t need friends like that in your life. I wouldn’t dream of turning up 2 hours late! Or not texting to explain why I was running late. You’ll make better friends xx

Does having 4 kids render her incapable of sending a quick text to say she's running 2 hours late?!
She's (probably) just the type who puts herself first and thinks everyone can fit in around her. Enjoy your baby time. You'll probably make lots of new friends at baby groups and nursery etc. in due course anyway.

If you don't want to be friends with someone because they are unreliable and don't respect your time then that's fine. I'm not sure what your baby has to do with it though.

It’s not just my time she’s wasting now, its my child’s I’m sorry but this really made me laugh. Your child is 8 weeks old.

Yanbu though. Two hours is just taking the piss and she really should have called you. She won’t change and if you’re not prepared to put up with it, fair enough.

Well apart from the mad soliloquy at the beginning of your post yanbu.
I can't abide poor timekeeping. It just shows how little she thinks your time is worth. Her shit excuses are insufferable too.

Being two hours late is unacceptable but to be honest you sound a life intense about this whole parenting business 😂

well that was a long winded way of saying your friend was 2 hrs late and you are pissed off. It doesn't matter who has got kids and how many 2 hrs late is extremely rude. You dont have to just

Self-congratulatory homily aside, YANBU!

...posted too soon

you dont have to justify yourself. YANBU

The majority of your post make you sound a little batshit - but understandable with a newborn. But once you get into the main objection - your friend was two hours late, which isn't acceptable, no matter how many children she's got in tow.

She could have taken 20 seconds to text.

Next time arrange to meet her somewhere neutral (like a cafe) give her 15 minutes and then leave if she doesn’t arrive.

I wouldn’t have made her breakfast and I wouldn’t have rearranged my plans for someone so rude.

I also hate people that are always late. I tend to ditch those friendships pretty quickly. I have one exception, it's a friend with health problems that aren't under control, however, she'll always call or text when she has trouble getting up and dressed so I know that she'll be later or I can cancel and do something else. Because she doesn't leave me waiting without contact I'm ok with it.

Your maternity leave sounds like mine but without the crying, puking and generally being run ragged.

Late people annoy me too. Although if I had 4 kids I’d probably be a late person. Which is why I don’t have 4 kids.

You’re not obligated to hang out with her though, so don’t.

Nope. Why doesn’t she call you? From now on only meet her at coffee shops or restaurants. No breakfast no modification of plans to suit her either. Until something is changed.

Incredibly rude of your friend but blimey you sound like hard work!

Next time she says "I do have 4 kids, you know" tell her "Yes, you thought she'd be more used to everything by now". Things can happen, but it's rude not to text or call if running late, especially 2 hours late!

everything is ready for her coming over for breakfast

People do that, have people over for breakfast? Christ the last thing I want to do first thing is have company. Never mind 8 weeks after giving birth

That said its rude not to get in touch but presumably you know what she's like.

You have one, what sounds like a relatively easy baby. Don't be too smug because things can change. Add more into the mix you might cringe when you look back.

Other wise being 2 hours late is rude and if you can't tolorate it then maybe give her a swerve from now on.

You have one, what sounds like a relatively easy baby. Don't be too smug because things can change. Add more into the mix you might cringe when you look back

This made me laugh gamer. It’s true!

I hate people who are late all the time. Now I have DS, his needs come first, so I won't wait meals or reorganise naps or whatever for them.

You have one, what sounds like a relatively easy baby. Don't be too smug because things can change. Add more into the mix you might cringe when you look back.

I had twins. I was regularly late meeting friends due to unexpected nappy explosions etc.

I would never have turned up two hours late and demanded fed with no notice.

Her children are irrelevant to her behaviour - she’s just rude.

I think you need to ditch that friend, she clearly has no respect for your time.

I also think you need to stop completely devoting every single minute of every single day to your newborn. Relax. You do sounds teeny, tiny bit crazy..

Her children are irrelevant to her behaviour - she’s just rude

Yes I agree. I never disputed that.

YABU for the completely irrelevant pat on the back first half of your post, that just makes you sound like a self-licking ice cream cone.

YANBU for thinking your friend is rude and taking the piss then uses her kids as her excuse for being 2 hours freaking late to a casual breakfast meetup.

Your friend was very rude to be so late, she should have texted you to let you know. But I agree with PPs that you do sound like you're over intense about everything.