Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect bf to want to sit next to me on a plane?

135 replies

thebings · 24/01/2019 12:22

My boyfriend said that he wouldn't spend £100 for a seat next to me on an 8 hr plane journey. He said he'd rather spend that on something else we can do together.

He is very practical in this kind of way a lot but I'm starting to think he actually just doesn't care about me that much?

There are other factors as well making me think this - he never opens up emotionally to me and that's bothered me our whole relationship. He also isn't very interested in sex and we haven't had sex for nearly 2 months but he says it's not because of me. Hard not to worry though and it makes me feel crappy.

We have been together for nearly 2 years.

What would you make of this sort of comment? I asked my sister and she said that her bf would always want to sit next to her as it's part of the fun of travelling, especially for such a long flight.

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 24/01/2019 14:41

I don't think the £100 is an issue here.

Does he make you happy OP?
Do you see yourself with him in 20 years?

Soontobe60 · 24/01/2019 14:41

Why is wanting to sit with your OH being needy?
We always sit together, we enjoy flying and much prefer being next to each other than some random stranger. So we always pre book our seats.

Clarich007 · 24/01/2019 14:41

I'm sorry to say this OP, but Idon't think he's the one for you.Do you love him ? If not I think I would reluctantly end this relationship.
If you've only been together 2 years, think how you will feel in 20

Brakebackcyclebot · 24/01/2019 14:42

Sorry the issue here

Brakebackcyclebot · 24/01/2019 14:42

Clarich how spooky our messages are pretty much the same......

ApolloTenne · 24/01/2019 14:44

@thebings You really need to sit down and actually discuss this with him.

wrenika · 24/01/2019 14:50

The seat aspect, I'd try not to get too worked up about it. I wouldn't want to spend that much just to sit together, even if I could afford it.

The sex aspect, I guess that's something to try to talk about. Give it some time, get out of the miserable winter weather and see how he feels. I've been with my partner for 11 years and we've not had sex for around 4 years. This is my 'fault'. I've never really enjoyed sex so when I got confident enough to let that be okay, we stopped. It's not a deal breaker for my partner. He doesn't begrudge me anything. I guess I'm asexual...but I don't really care about labels. It doesn't stop me loving my partner and finding him attractive...I just don't want sex.

Clarich007 · 24/01/2019 14:57

Aha Brakeback, are you reading my thoughts ? Smile

Original poster
thebings · 24/01/2019 14:58

@ApolloTenne We are meeting up this weekend.

@wrenika I think a lot of it probably is the miserable weather and January blues. But at the same time his drive has always been lower than mine and there are things he's not interested in at all that I am. I don't want it to be a deal breaker because I do really care about him, but right now it feels like we are not sexual at all and I am a sexual person so I miss that.

OP posts:
Original poster
thebings · 24/01/2019 14:59

@Clarich007 and @Brakebackcyclebot, you both have a good point.

He does make me happy but it's more in a comfortable way than an overjoyed kind of way, but I've always just thought that's normal in a long term relationship.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/01/2019 15:04

He does make me happy but it's more in a comfortable way than an overjoyed kind of way, but I've always just thought that's normal in a long term relationship.

But you've only been together for two years and it doesn't sound like you live together? That's not really long term at all.

I wouldn't stay in this relationship. Sex is important to me, and it would affect me hugely if DP didn't want to have it and couldn't talk about why. Thankfully he is similar to me and we have always found a way to make it work. We live together and have been together longer than you two, and it still isn't at a "comfortably happy" stage - he makes me thrilled. He is affectionate and loving and he makes me happier every single day. You owe it to yourself to look for that.

Break ups are horrible, I've been through a few, and they're all bad. They're worse if you drag them out, though.

Mayrhofen · 24/01/2019 15:06

Is it £25 each way per person including a checked bag? and you are going for two week?

If so, then YANBU

If it is £100 per person each way for the privilege of sitting next to DH I would gladly give up my seat. my DH manspreads and I hate sitting next to him and sharing my personal space with his elbows and knees

ApolloTenne · 24/01/2019 15:06

100% agree AnchorDownDeepBreath. It doesn't sound like you two are compatible long-term. You've only been together 2 years, you should still be 'overjoyed' at the prospect of being with him! I feel like that with DH after 10 years!

yearinyearout · 24/01/2019 15:10

Not really the point of the thread...but are you sure you’re sitting apart? I know Ryanair deliberately put people apart in order to get them to pay extra, but I’ve never flown long haul and been sat apart (we never pay extra to choose seats, we just check in together and have always been sat together)

PatriciaHolm · 24/01/2019 15:15

He does make me happy but it's more in a comfortable way than an overjoyed kind of way, but I've always just thought that's normal in a long term relationship.

But you are barely 2 years in! You should still be in the early, happy, besotted with each other stage, not the slippers and pipe on a bench stage.

Can you REALLY live like this for the rest of your life?

Original poster
thebings · 24/01/2019 15:16

@yearinyearout I think we would be as we wouldn't be able to buy the tickets in the same booking since they are 2 different fare classes. At least that's what he told me. It's not a European airline

OP posts:
Original poster
thebings · 24/01/2019 15:17

@PatriciaHolm I have never really been in a relationship before him so I have nothing to compare it to, I thought we were pretty good together but yeah. It's never been a 'besotted' feeling. Maybe I'm not even capable of that! I'm not attracted to many people.

OP posts:
yearinyearout · 24/01/2019 15:21

Ah sorry, I misunderstood Blush

mydogisthebest · 24/01/2019 15:22

Why do some posters always have to come up with the "needy" comments?

People are different and plenty would pay to sit next to their partner. It almost becomes a competition on mn to state that you are not joined at the hip/needy or whatever.

Me and DH are not joined at the hip nor do I think either of us is needy. We do however like each other and enjoy each other's company. Why would we want to sit next to a stranger for 8 hours?

I can understand that £100 is a lot of money and if that is the issue fine. But if it is affordable then I don't really see why you wouldn't want to sit next to your partner.

Mind you I worked with someone who said she could never wait to get home from holiday because she got bored with her husband. She even said that about their honeymoon!

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 24/01/2019 15:26

How many hours is the flight?

RivanQueen · 24/01/2019 15:27

From your updated OP it doesn't sound like the 2 of you are compatible. The fact that your DP is fobbing you off with wishy washy excuses to not have sex with you like not settling into his new place would make me go Hmm and then he still didn't want to be intimate with you when you were at a hotel for a weekend? Sounds like he's more interested in being your mate than your romantic partner. He could be asexual who knows, the fact is he isn't willing to discuss it shows your needs are obviously not high on his list of priorities because he's not willing to discuss the problem with you and try finding a compromise.
But it's not just the sex thing, it's the "just being comfortable together", not being excited or besotted by them situation. I highly doubt you're not capable of feeling that way towards someone I expect you just haven't found the right person yet!
You're in your 20's, you've potentially got 60+ years ahead of you. Can you honestly see yourself with this person for another 6 months never mind 60 years?
You've got 1 life @thebings don't squander it on a man who isn't fulfilling your needs - emotional, intellectual and physical. There is a man out there that will, but you need to be available to find him. Don't settle for emotionally detached "comfort" which doesn't actually sound comfortable, it sounds terribly boring and no fun at all

NicoAndTheNiners · 24/01/2019 15:33

I refused to spend £20 to sit next to dh on a 4 hr flight last year. So I'm with your dp! Seems like a waste of money to me. I can cope with spending 4-8 hours (or longer) apart from dp, I do every day at work. I'd be quite happy watching films, reading a book, etc on a flight.

Original poster
thebings · 24/01/2019 15:47

@RivanQueen Yeah I am not very convinced by the excuses either. You're right, I want to be with someone I feel like that about, but on paper my bf should be him (it terms of things we have in common, we are quite similar). But in reality you're right, he isn't fulfilling my needs.

OP posts:
MakeItAmazing · 24/01/2019 15:50

The not wanting sex is a bigger issue than a plane seat. I'd cut my losses and end things tbh.

Motoko · 24/01/2019 16:22

Agreeing with the others, you're not compatible. And of course you're capable of feeling besotted! But as pps say, you need to meet the right person, which is not the man you're with now.

If you do go on holiday together, don't let him put his stuff in your bag, it will limit what you can take. Let him know that, before the tickets are booked, and stick to your guns if he still expects you to carry his things. "Travelling light" doesn't mean you get someone else to carry your stuff!