To expect bf to want to sit next to me on a plane?

[thebings]

My boyfriend said that he wouldn't spend £100 for a seat next to me on an 8 hr plane journey. He said he'd rather spend that on something else we can do together.

He is very practical in this kind of way a lot but I'm starting to think he actually just doesn't care about me that much?

There are other factors as well making me think this - he never opens up emotionally to me and that's bothered me our whole relationship. He also isn't very interested in sex and we haven't had sex for nearly 2 months but he says it's not because of me. Hard not to worry though and it makes me feel crappy.

We have been together for nearly 2 years.

What would you make of this sort of comment? I asked my sister and she said that her bf would always want to sit next to her as it's part of the fun of travelling, especially for such a long flight.

He should be able to buy a seat regardless of whether he buys a bag?

@passing4human I definitely feel a lack of intimacy in the relationship which is kind of what I meant by feeling he doesn't open up to me. He never says anything complimentary or randomly hugs me. I don't know it's hard to think of examples of what I think is missing! I just feel like something is and often it feels like we are really good friends rather than partners.

If you check in online the moment the check-in opens, you'll almost certainly get two seats together without having to pay extra for the privilege.

@halfgirlhalfturnip yes he wants to get the most basic ticket which doesn't include a bag.

@AnchorDeepDownBeneath no, I'm not really happy with it but I thought I could put it aside as I really care about him. Starting to feel like I can't though.

I agree with your BF on the seat thing. It's daft to spend £100 on a seat when you can have that money to spend on something fun.

Your issue is not the seats but how you feel in this relationship. How is he otherwise with you? Don't compare your BF to those who are shown in movies or social media. Some men don't use words to express . them selves but show it from their actions. Does he care about you? does he help you? Is he there when you need him? etc. Check his actions not his words.

As for the sex, you brought it up after 2 months? and even then you just talked? just ask for it there and then.

I could afford the £100 no problem, but I wouldn’t pay that to sit next to another adult unless they were terrified of flying and needed a handhold.

It’s not like you’re going to be having deep and meaningful talks whilst surrounded by other passengers, you’d just be sitting next to them whilst you read or watch something or sleep. Even if you have £100 to burn, there’s much more fun ways to waste it.

Just saw your recent messages. As PP have said, if nothing happens intimacy wise during this holiday then reconsider your relationship. May be he is just a friend and not BF material. Probably he has grown apart from you over this period as well so doesn't feel very inclined to be intimate. Have an honest discussion with him if he wishes to carry on with this relationship or not. Also try to make him say it as he might be waiting for you to break up with him first so that he doesn't have to carry the burden of doing it himself.

My ex-H had a low sex drive and it was a huge issue for me that eventually contributed to the breakdown of our relationship. When we first met everything seemed great, but then relatively quickly tapered off and he openly admitted he'd always had a much lower sex drive than other people he knew and it had been a problem in previous relationships. It felt to me like intimacy in all forms was missing from our relationship. I'd hug him but I could feel he was always waiting to pull away, and that's a horrible feeling.

My partner now - we are much more compatible in that way and any times when things have gone off the boil it's been due to easily understandable things like the arrival of a new baby or other really stressful life stuff. My guess is that you need to know which this is. Living with someone with a vastly differing sex drive is not something it turned out I could live with long-term, but of course everyone is different. If there's an explanation your BF needs to let you know what it is.

Agree with Pp that there are other issues in your relationship you need to speak about. Saying that, if were paying an extra £100 for a checked bag and my DP declined to pay to have a checked bag I would tell him to get stuffed if he thought he was putting anything of his in the bag that I’d paid extra for ( assuming we were both in the position to be able to afford the extra).

We never pay the extra to sit together - DH usually goes to sleep anyway and I read.

You’re young. You really don’t need all of this crap. At your age 2 years seems like a long time, but it really isn’t. I suggest you don’t go on holiday with him, break up with him and move on with your life. He’s just going to bring you down, you’re too young for that shit.

You don’t need to waste money on this holiday with him to see if he has sex with you or not. Jesus wept, the advice on here is dire sometimes. He has already said he’s not into it much, you had a few days away, you had the flat to yourselves, he’s NOT interested...there is NO need to spend money to be rejected again and have a miserable time.

Not really about the seats but you sound unhappy in this relationship. Maybe it has just run its course since you're not really that compatible with him. People have different sex drives and maybe his is just lower.

If you're not happy, there's no reason to keep on just because it's been 2 years.

As for the flight. We loved sitting next to each other on flights. We'd just check in online early as possible and was always able to choose seats together.

I suppose I'm focusing on something that feels more tangible as an example of him not being bothered about me because it's hard to pinpoint otherwise

The flight isn't really the issue is it. This man isn't right for you. He sounds more like a casual friend than a partner. All the things you talk about? They won't get better. As harsh as it sounds, cut your losses and move on.

It doesn't matter whether any of us would spend that money or not. You asked him to and he said no. From what you've said he is not fulfilling your emotional needs, or your sexual needs. Both of those are biggies! They're fundamental in a relationship. Accept it isn't right and free yourself to find someone who does meet your needs.

You never mentioned who is paying for the plane ticket?

@NaturalBlondi we would both buy our own tickets.

OP, you've given several examples of his excuses to not have sex and it's clear that you do want sex. Your posts also suggest he's not good at other forms of intimacy such as hugs.

I'd agree that the holiday idea should be binned. Have a good talk now, and break up if he's still not interested. There's a mismatch here, which isn't good for either of you. I'd suggest this relationship has run it's course.

@MulticolourMophead Yeah, we are going to talk this weekend. I'm not sure what will happen but I don't think I can continue this relationship unless things change.

It seriously sucks though, I know everyone goes through break-ups but it hurts so much.

I also feel guilty about hurting him

DH and I pay to sit separately* - but I think your relationship has bigger problems.

• he is tall and feels a bit claustraphobic and likes to party on the plane so we pay for extra leg room for him. I am small and squash happily into a standard seat and don’t want to drink or talk to strangers, so ‘my’ extra £ is spent on something Nice for me.

We would pay the extra for the checked bag or just to sit together. My dh gets annoyed if my Dad tries to hog the seat next to me when we are out and with our two dc arguing over who gets to sit next to Mummy, then dh would gladly pay £100 for 8 uninterrupted hours sat next to me! I would much rather it too, his shoulder/ chest/ arm makes a better pillow than a hard airline seat.

I hate flying due to the fact my ears do not cope well with the change in pressure (agonising pain, burst eardrums and going deaf for the first 11 days of our holidays) and dh knows this and would rather be there to distract me.

After two years together though, (in our twenties) dh and I still could not keep our hands off each other and had sex most days if not multiple times a day. We look fondly back on those days now, 15 years later, when we are too shattered after a full on day with our kids. But even still we have sex maybe three times a month. We would not be keen on going months without. If you never have sex now, then how does that bode well for the future..... I’m sorry but this man is just not that into you.

thebings hope things go as well as they can do, in the circumstances. What you feel is normal, just don't let any feelings of guilt make your decision for you. If you feel you have to end things, then do. It's not always easy, but you'll both then have a chance to find people more compatible.

I probably should have mentioned this but we both have good jobs and can afford to spend the £100

I can often afford to do something. Doesn't mean I think it's necessarily the best or most sensible use of that money.