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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What are men afraid of which might live in a hand bag

156 replies

mansneverhot · 23/01/2019 17:20

I've noticed that the men in my life, past and present, have been consistently frightened of the contents of a handbag. They act with a level of fear I have never seen applied to e.g. a drawer or coat pocket when tasked with retrieving an item, and prefer to bring the entire sodding bag rather than take a quick look inside it for the required item. Most seem to cite "privacy" as the reason for this irrational behaviour but I notice they do not treat their own bags or those of other men as such private and sacred safe spaces.

My current theories are as follows:

  • They can't be bothered to actually look, this is a carefully crafted technique to transfer responsibility of producing the coveted item to the handbag-owner
  • They believe that special female secrets are hidden in handbags, something which might spoil the mystique of femininity for them. Perhaps a magical device containing alluring pheremones, a mind reading device which is how we can tell the difference between a real poo and a facebook toilet break, or some kind of alien technology which could burn their eyeballs on sight.
  • Tampons?? Are they afraid of tampons?? How could they be afraid of a new tampon - unless they are also afraid of mice. However, no amount of assurance that I do NOT KEEP DIRTY TAMPONS in my bag has managed to soothe a man into acting like a normal person looking in a fucking handbag instead of an awkward husk who can't make direct eye contact with the bag's innards.
  • Something else? Perhaps they're afraid to find a sex toy - a 12" dildo which makes them look like a withered pickle, an emotional trauma they may never recover from?

Any other theories?

OP posts:
mansneverhot · 23/01/2019 22:23

I do understand how it would be rude to just go for a rummage and a gander through someone’s bag just for the hell of it.

What I don’t understand is when they’re given a direct request, directions included (left at the emery board graveyard, over the receipt pile and a sharp right at the loose change and voila: car keys) and yet they still won’t oblige. Especially when it’s something THEY REQUESTED. You wouldn’t ask someone where to find the local Tesco metro but actually expect a piggyback the whole way there would you?!

OP posts:
Violetroselily · 23/01/2019 22:23

I've noticed this too. I told a close male friend he could take something out of my bag and he reacted like I'd asked to pee on him

Heaviestdirtyestsoul · 23/01/2019 22:26

Eyelash curlers, my oh said they are unfathomable.

RLABC · 23/01/2019 22:30

@Violetroselily Grin

Love51 · 23/01/2019 22:36

Manners. Which are taught to small children because if I have something interesting in my bag, I'm saving it for the journey home, I don't want them to find it on the way out or before we even leave home!
Husband also will bring me my handbag rather than my purse / look for a pen himself. He says ' just the way I was brought up'. I switch handbags occasionally so he might know exactly what is in there, but feel uncomfortable confirming it!

Claw001 · 23/01/2019 22:40

We have pretty much the same conversation every time.

Ds...mum can I have X
Me....yes in my bag
Ds....where is your bag
Me...hanging up
Ds...where
Me...same place it always is
Ds...where is x
Me...in my bag, outside zip
Ds....I cant find the zip
Me...it’s on the outside!

Ds....hands me my bag!

FraxinusExcelsior · 23/01/2019 22:53

They are afraid of their mothers.

They rooted in her hand bag as a child and got KILLED for doing it.

So there is your answer: they are afraid of their mother

@3luckystars you are SO right. My XP was handbag phobic and if I ever asked him to fetch me something from it he would bleat about being brought up never to look in a handbag, and acted like it was radioactive.

Twat.

MitziK · 23/01/2019 23:22

They all watched Flash Gordon as kids and see what happened to Peter Duncan as what could happen to them if they placed their hands into the terrifying depths of a leather bag.

What are men afraid of which might live in a hand bag
Werkwerkwerkwerkwerk85 · 23/01/2019 23:31

Men can’t do anything right these days. It’s bad manners to go into a ladies bag and shows they’ve been brought up to respect that. I won’t go in anyone’s bag either.

longwayoff · 23/01/2019 23:43

Good manners. Don't root through my handbag and I won't go through your pockets or briefcase or whatever. Boundaries, you remember them? If it's not yours leave it alone.

Sparklingbrook · 23/01/2019 23:50

It's just good manners. I hate having to look in someone's handbag when they have given me permission.

Personally I don't carry tampons about all the time, when I need them they are in a make up bag not rolling about in my handbag getting squashed.

MirriVan · 24/01/2019 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FortunesFave · 24/01/2019 01:32

Mirri Grin Mine's full of resentment.

MirriVan · 24/01/2019 04:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 24/01/2019 05:02

What are men afraid of which might live in a hand bag

Their balls

Grin
BackBoiler · 24/01/2019 05:59

Something their mothers have ingrained into them. My DH does it but he always used to go and buy sanitary products for me and I dont use them anymore!

LadyOfTheCanyon · 24/01/2019 07:06

Oh God, you don't go into other peoples bags. It's the height of bad manners. It's like touching someone's Daemon in His Dark Materials.

mansneverhot · 24/01/2019 09:02

For a lighthearted thread there’s a lot of sense in your replies. I’ve been leaving my bitterness and resentments all over the place, so annoying when it falls behind the wardrobe or gets in the nooks and crannies under the bathroom tap. I feel inspired and empowered.

OP posts:
kmc1111 · 24/01/2019 09:19

Basic manners. Bags are private, and since they’re as portable as it gets there’s no reason to go into them if you can just bring them to the owner.

On another note, there’s plenty of gross people who leave garbage like used tissues, food wrappers, broken makeup, crumbs etc. in their bag, so even when given permission I’d rather not stick my hand in and find out if they treat their bag like a trash bin or not.

MinesaPinot · 24/01/2019 09:30

DH is fine about getting my purse out of my handbag (for example), although if it's one of my more roomy handbags he will bring me the whole bag for me to rummage in - he takes the same view as a previous poster, ie if he rummages in there he'll never get out.....

What he will not do is take money out of my purse when I've told him it's ok to do so, and will bring my purse to me so that I can get the money out. He says that getting my purse out of my bag is one thing, but actually going into my purse is bad manners.

Knittink · 24/01/2019 11:07

The 'it's bad manners' thing makes no sense if the man knows he has 'permission' or has actually been asked to get something out of the bag! Also, do we think a man would have the same squeamishness or fear of getting something out of his mate's/brother's bag. I don't think so somehow.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 24/01/2019 11:31

It might not make sense but I can see why they'd feel uncomfortable doing it if it's been drilled into them. And I'm not that bothered, honestly, if it's just a 'thing' that some, or most, men have. I'd rather they err on the side of not invading my space.

ManicLoki · 24/01/2019 11:55

Dh takes the piss out of my need to carry a bag everywhere. He travels light, all you need is a wallet in your pocket, no need to carry the kitchen sink round etc etc

Until

We go out for the day and we need a plastic bag. Or tissues. Or somewhere to put his insulin pen. Or dd2's maccy d's toy.

It's useful then isn't it? Twat Grin

I honestly can't remember whether I've ever asked him to get something out of it and what his response was if I have. I must have done at some point I suppose which leads me to think he wasn't bothered about delving.

DarcyDrive · 24/01/2019 12:11

My DP is like this. Always brought me the whole bag even if I give him permission to rummage through it.

Until the unthinkable happened! We'd had a few drinks in the pub and decided to stay for "just one more". He had ran out of money so I said "Oh I've got change in my purse" and just as I was reaching for my bag, he swooped down, took my purse out, took the money out, replaced the purse, and put the bag back. I was staring at him and it slowly dawned on him what he had done.. you could see his face changing from confusion to downright shock. He didn't stop apologising for the rest of the night Grin

He hasn't done it since as I think he realised how close to death he thinks he came Wink

FirstOfMyKind · 24/01/2019 12:17

@LadyOfTheCanyon I appreciated that reference!

My husband isn't squeamish at all about lady gizzards stuff, but when asked to pass me say, my purse out of my bag, will trot back over with the entire bag. Why? Even with the most detailed instructions as to precisely which pocket the item is in. Apparently its just too overwhelming.

Also, if you have been actively asked to do so, it isn't really bad manners is it? I wouldn't rummage in anyone's bag for a laugh, obviously...

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