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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What are men afraid of which might live in a hand bag

156 replies

mansneverhot · 23/01/2019 17:20

I've noticed that the men in my life, past and present, have been consistently frightened of the contents of a handbag. They act with a level of fear I have never seen applied to e.g. a drawer or coat pocket when tasked with retrieving an item, and prefer to bring the entire sodding bag rather than take a quick look inside it for the required item. Most seem to cite "privacy" as the reason for this irrational behaviour but I notice they do not treat their own bags or those of other men as such private and sacred safe spaces.

My current theories are as follows:

  • They can't be bothered to actually look, this is a carefully crafted technique to transfer responsibility of producing the coveted item to the handbag-owner
  • They believe that special female secrets are hidden in handbags, something which might spoil the mystique of femininity for them. Perhaps a magical device containing alluring pheremones, a mind reading device which is how we can tell the difference between a real poo and a facebook toilet break, or some kind of alien technology which could burn their eyeballs on sight.
  • Tampons?? Are they afraid of tampons?? How could they be afraid of a new tampon - unless they are also afraid of mice. However, no amount of assurance that I do NOT KEEP DIRTY TAMPONS in my bag has managed to soothe a man into acting like a normal person looking in a fucking handbag instead of an awkward husk who can't make direct eye contact with the bag's innards.
  • Something else? Perhaps they're afraid to find a sex toy - a 12" dildo which makes them look like a withered pickle, an emotional trauma they may never recover from?

Any other theories?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 23/01/2019 17:34

They are afraid of their mothers.

They rooted in her hand bag as a child and got KILLED for doing it.

So there is your answer: they are afraid of their mother

TooTrueToBeGood · 23/01/2019 17:35

I'm not afraid of my wife's handbag but i do consider it very personal, really just because that's how i was brought up. If she asks me to get something for her and it's visible I'll retrieve it but if it looks like a rummage job I'll just take her the bag.

That, and having seen the chaotic contents, I'm worried if I go too deep I might get sucked in and assimilated by some Borg-like entity.

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 23/01/2019 17:36

DH has this problem but he has been known to make emergency trips to the shops for tampons so it can't be that. Approximately 90% of the contents of my handbag seems to be old receipts so I'm not sure what there is to be afraid of. Paper cuts?

PrettySimple · 23/01/2019 17:37

@Aprilshowersarecomingsoon

Maybe a note book with ratings of themselves in?
Hoovering 1/10
Wasbing up 2/10
Windows 5/10
Knowledge of the clitoris 0/10

Firesuit · 23/01/2019 17:38

I suspect your third theory is correct. Many men seem to be embarrassed and discombobulated by the whole idea of menstruation.

I think the forum has reached new extremes of everything being a man's fault. Some children are taught that handbags are private. Now, let's guess, are they taught this by their mothers or their fathers? Follow-up question: if the issue is tampons, which sexes embarrassment lies behind this teaching?

Threewheeler1 · 23/01/2019 17:41

My bag is about the size of a duvet cover.
I think that alone scares him. I have to admit I'm not even sure I know what's in it anymore. I might need to put wheels on the bottom of it soon.
Although the other day he did say "you've got some stamps in your purse haven't you?", I didn't know I had.
Could have been a lucky guess and equally could have been right if he'd asked for a socket set, hoover, rubber ring and crockery Grin
I have found an old fiver and tenner in there recently, in a secret forgotten it was there pocket.
(Goes off to tip contents of bag onto table and guess the age of occupants)

MrsJayy · 23/01/2019 17:42

I cleared my bag out i found receipts random opened packets of chewing gum tissues a lighter (stopped 2 years ago) it is sominging Dh would probably catch some disease!

PrettySimple · 23/01/2019 17:43

I don't allow my ds Into my bag I've taught him to never go into anyone's bag, coat pockets anywhere really that contains personal possessions (especially place that may contain money) unless specifically asked by the owner I tell him it's a privacy thing..in regards to my bag it's not that it's usually I have a stash of sweets I don't want to share!!! Grin

icantthinkofanotherone · 23/01/2019 17:43

It's the eyelash curlers. They saw some years ago and have never got over the horror. They don't know what they're for, and they don't know where we keep them, so they stay away from the handbag just in case.

NameChangeNugget · 23/01/2019 17:44

I think it’s just good manners

fibonaccisequins · 23/01/2019 17:45

You mean you don't know? That all handbags are connected? If you can't find what you're looking for in your bag, delve a little deeper and you'll end up in someone else's bag - they'll have what you need. We can't let the men in our bags or our secret will be out! Now. If I could have my favourite red lipstick back please, I'd be ever so grateful Grin

InSightMars · 23/01/2019 17:45

DH will go in my bag if I ask him but he's clearly uncomfortable about doing so. I'm the same if a friend says to go in her bag and pass her something, I'll do it but I don't like doing it. In neither my case nor DH's case is it a fear of encountering san pro. I think it's a built-in respecting privacy thing.

Ragaroo · 23/01/2019 17:46

I think it's tampons.

Stinkytoe · 23/01/2019 17:50

It’s rude to go through someone’s bag. I wouldn’t do it and I would be unhappy if my husband did it to me.

bourbonbiccy · 23/01/2019 17:52

It's just good manners. I would not like anyone going through my bag and my DH would not go searching through it. I wouldn't go through another ladies handbag ( I would prefer to pass it to them to retrieve the item out, obviously unless they couldn't )
He definitely isn't scared of anything period related as he has no problems purchasing my Tampax.

bridgetreilly · 23/01/2019 17:53

It's definitely the tampons, though. Or pads.

MrsJayy · 23/01/2019 17:54

There used tobe 3 females living in our house Dh is not scared of a bodyform

Bumblebee39 · 23/01/2019 17:57

I wouldn't go through someone else's bag
It's bad manners

I am female but wouldn't go through another woman's of mans (or trans persons)

NewName8674 · 23/01/2019 17:58

I was always taught, by my mum, that it's rude to look in a person's handbag. I recall her wanting something from her's once, so I went and got it from her bag for her. She told me I shouldn't do that and should just fetch her bag.

Not remotely afraid of any of a bag's contents, I'm just following the manners I was taught. I do, however, know that other people don't have the same objection that my mum did. If a partner wants something from her bag, I ask whether she wants me to dig out the item or bring her the bag. Different people have different rules about it and, being aware of that, I like to clarify and would typically err on the side of caution.

Chinks123 · 23/01/2019 17:58

Dp always hands me my bag rather than going through it, and my dad point blank refuses to go through it even if I’ve said “there’s nothing private in there.”
It just seems to be an unwritten rule that you don’t go through a woman’s handbag. Definitely manners, and on my dads part-worried about coming across the pill/sanitary products etc I think.

Bumblebee39 · 23/01/2019 18:01

If somebody went in my bag I'd assume they were a thief. Even if they weren't i would still be wary of them as it's a social taboo

My ex used to get things out my bag and I hated it. He was abusive and bad with personal boundaries, and I thought rummaging through my hand bag was on par with reading my diary, text messages or my bank statements (which he also did). If anybody was to do so again I would see it as a sign of disrespect even if we were in a l/term relationship.

ALongHardWinter · 23/01/2019 18:03

I've noticed this too. I've come to the conclusion that they are terrified of finding anything to do with menstruation.

BlueJava · 23/01/2019 18:03

DH goes in mine regularly - usually looking for car keys, or cash (when a card won't do), or because I've lost something and he thinks it might be in my bag. I don't think he's ever worried by it and it's never bothered me.

TooTrueToBeGood · 23/01/2019 18:03

I think it's tampons.

I don't give a shit about sanitary products and have never had a problem picking them up at the shops for my wife or daughters. Why pin that one on men? We're not the ones that nod and wink and refer to "women's problems" like they're some dirty little secret.

PickAChew · 23/01/2019 18:05

DH was utterly baffled when I told him that if he needed some stamps, I had some in my purse, with the notes. He held it up and turned it around several times muttering "where?" I repeated that they were in with the notes. "but where are the notes?". Just open it up, it works exactly like a wallet. "Oh. I was looking for some secret zip or something." 😵

I've only had that exact same purse for 15 years. I bought it on honeymoon.

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