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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What are men afraid of which might live in a hand bag

156 replies

mansneverhot · 23/01/2019 17:20

I've noticed that the men in my life, past and present, have been consistently frightened of the contents of a handbag. They act with a level of fear I have never seen applied to e.g. a drawer or coat pocket when tasked with retrieving an item, and prefer to bring the entire sodding bag rather than take a quick look inside it for the required item. Most seem to cite "privacy" as the reason for this irrational behaviour but I notice they do not treat their own bags or those of other men as such private and sacred safe spaces.

My current theories are as follows:

  • They can't be bothered to actually look, this is a carefully crafted technique to transfer responsibility of producing the coveted item to the handbag-owner
  • They believe that special female secrets are hidden in handbags, something which might spoil the mystique of femininity for them. Perhaps a magical device containing alluring pheremones, a mind reading device which is how we can tell the difference between a real poo and a facebook toilet break, or some kind of alien technology which could burn their eyeballs on sight.
  • Tampons?? Are they afraid of tampons?? How could they be afraid of a new tampon - unless they are also afraid of mice. However, no amount of assurance that I do NOT KEEP DIRTY TAMPONS in my bag has managed to soothe a man into acting like a normal person looking in a fucking handbag instead of an awkward husk who can't make direct eye contact with the bag's innards.
  • Something else? Perhaps they're afraid to find a sex toy - a 12" dildo which makes them look like a withered pickle, an emotional trauma they may never recover from?

Any other theories?

OP posts:
Ribbonsonabox · 23/01/2019 20:46

Mine goes through mine now days and takes all the ibuprofen, pens and loose change. Which is annoying.

doris9034 · 23/01/2019 20:47

It's not just handbags - if I ask DP to bring my laptop he brings my whole sodding briefcase which contains lots of random crap

CoffeeRunner · 23/01/2019 20:50

DP missed the memo on this clearly Grin.

In fact, when we first got together we were colleagues & trying to keep the relationship a secret to avoid gossip. The thing that aroused suspicion first was the fact that if he wanted to borrow something from me he’d happily go in my bag & fetch it - after asking first of course.

But then he’s bit British & is also not scared to talk about periods, smear tests & other such things that always managed to get my ex’s jittery.

So maybe PPs are right. Maybe it is simply down to how scared of tampax you are!

Bumblebee39 · 23/01/2019 20:51

@blackteasplease

My mum asked me to look in her bag for something fairly recently

She said "can you see if x is in there and pass x to me"

I said "are you sure you want me to get x"

She said "yes?"

"So are you sure or not?" I asked

"Just pass me the damned bag" said she.

CoffeeRunner · 23/01/2019 20:52

Not British. Not a but British!!

Ifangyow · 23/01/2019 20:52

My husband refuses to go in my handbag, wardrobe or drawers. ( though he's been in my drawers at least twice as we have two kids. Boom boom )
Nothing to do with sanitary wear, after all he buys me mine, and everything to do with privacy. My son is the same with his wife as he was brought up to respect privacy.
My father never goes into my mother's bag, nor did my father in law go into my mother in laws bag, drawers or wardrobes.
If it's an emergency, then yes, he will get my purse and get the bank card out, but he always tells me.
If he's putting the laundry away, he will leave mine in a neat pile on the bed, specially underwear. Going in a woman's undies drawer is the ultimate no no to him.

Ifangyow · 23/01/2019 20:55

No secrets in my bag, just a load of clutter. 😂

Whitelisbon · 23/01/2019 20:56

I've not used a handbag for a number of years now, I have a changing bag instead.
Anyone will happily have a rummage through a changing bag, but not a handbag.
Told my ds the other day "chuck me the wipes out the changing bag", and she did so. Dm on the other hand asked same ds for the wipes out of her handbag (later on the same day) and ds brought the bag over. Which, seeing as dm was wrestling a mud covered toddler, wasn't ideal.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/01/2019 20:57

My father would never look in my mother's bag. If she wanted something out of it, he'd bring it to her. So I was startled when dh, who I thought had been brung up proper, would happily go rooting in my bag. I soon put him straight about gentlemanly behaviour. 😀

CheshireChat · 23/01/2019 21:12

I'm pretty sure it's just laziness in DP's case as he'd have no issue grab me a pad or anything, but treats my bag as if it's radioactive.

LifeofClimb · 23/01/2019 21:12

Pads! I remember a kid at school rummaging through my bag (without permission) and revealing himself through the highest pitched scream (squeal) that I have ever heard. You’d have thought there was a mouse in there. It was a pad!

blueskiespls · 23/01/2019 21:12

I didn't know it was a 'thing' ?? I obviously would not rummage through someone else's bag.
I don't have 'A handbag' but a gym bag, work rucksack and a 'nicer' bag I use to go out.
I've never had issues with dp or exh (when he was dh) getting stuff out of my bag.
This genuinely makes me laugh 😆
Is this for real?! I didn't know a bag held such mysteries!

YesitsJacqueline · 23/01/2019 21:21

Someone forgot to send my ds the memo , he's fascinated by handbags and is always trying to look in mine. I blame my mum and her pensioner friends who actively encouraged him to delve in their bags when he was a toddler to find small toys or sweets they brought for him!
He's nearly 5 now and will help himself to my mum's posh hand cream, he knows what pocket of the hand bag it's in- and trust me there are many.
Maybe he will become the Indiana Jones of handbags, what a maverick !

Ontheboardwalk · 23/01/2019 21:24

Depending on the bag I can feel the fear going for a proper rummage in one of my own bags

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 23/01/2019 21:27

I'm with others - what is IN the bags that is so mysterious and private?

If you went in mine, you'd find:
Purse
Phone
Bags for life
Hairbrush
Tissues
Sanitary towels
Lip balm
Hand cream
Driving licence
Oyster card
Keys

You're hardly opening Tutankhamun's tomb and unleashing the curse of the pharoahs,

CoachBombay · 23/01/2019 21:37

DH won't go in my handbag, he always just hands it over.

I asked him once why he didn't just pass me my phone out of it, he replied "it would take too long to find it, there's too much crap in it"

To be fair, he's probably right. But the other day DS who is 4 went to nose in there and from nowhere DH said "don't son, you just don't go in ladies handbags" DS then asked "why?" Like all 4 year olds do, DH reply "you'll get lost in there"

So in this house, nobody goes in my handbag because there's too much crap in it 😂

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 23/01/2019 22:02

I am slightly concerned for all these mners with rummagable vaginas.....

emilybrontescorsett · 23/01/2019 22:08

I was brought up with the motto, you never look in a lady's handbag. I also said this to my dcs.

FortunesFave · 23/01/2019 22:09

My ex was taught specifically by his Dad that he should never look inside a woman's bag. Or anyone's bag!

mrcharlie · 23/01/2019 22:09

Dear God!
I vividly remember my mum dropping me off at my nans house when I was very young..6-7?
My nan put her glasses down and then for some reason couldn't find them. She was pretty much walking into walls!! I knew she always kept her spare specs in her handbag, so rushed to get them and handed them to her. After she put them on and realised they were her spare set from her handbag I got a proper telling off!!
Never dared to touch a womans handbag ever since!

...the specs were found days later behind the sofa!!

NewName8674 · 23/01/2019 22:10

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross
My guess is that is women of a generation or two ago, rather than men, used to be squeamish about their sanitary products being seen, and it's since become enshrined as politeness.

RLABC · 23/01/2019 22:10

My dad would never go into my mum's handbag or purse, even if she asked him to get something, he'd always take it to her to rummage through. I thought it was just an old-fashioned "gent thing" until I realised that my husband is exactly the same. Completely different generation and culture. It's a mystery to me but, I'm kind of glad of it sometimes Wink

Villanellenovella · 23/01/2019 22:11

Periods - many men hate em and anything connected with them

RLABC · 23/01/2019 22:13

Haha, I've thought about this a little bit more and even I do it! If my mum ever asks me to take something from her bag or purse, I take it to her or show her exactly what I'm doing. Even I don't know why! Grin

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 23/01/2019 22:20

My OH is not squeamish about perfectly normal things like periods or tampons, but he too was taught that you don’t rummage in handbags, it’s just a manner of manners.

I’m not overly bothered, but on the other hand I like it that he respects that boundary. I wouldn’t nosy around in his stuff unless I was invited to.