to ask whether 55k is doable for a family of 5?

[DoWeStayOrDoWeGoNow]

Please do not hate me for asking if your family income is considerably less than this.
It is neither a stealth boast nor is it me being goady.
It is simply not wanting to go from the frying pan into the fire without thinking things through properly, especially with Brexit coming up.
My partner has been offered a job with the above salary - after tax that would be 3326 pounds a month (although I am not sure with pension payment, car lease and the like whether that would be a final figure but it would be close).
He is in his late 40s with 25 years experience and is the sole breadwinner. There are five of us - in theory, I would be working but only if son's SEN can be accommodated in the state school system. So cannot rely on me bringing in a wage and iirc 55K is above the threshold for child allowance.
Family of 4 living in the Northwest cost of living without rent was estimated at 2185 - there are 5 of us but in theory, in a band A terraced house, we can do it. Well aware it depends on outgoings whether we are nofrills and primark we are compared with waitrose and zara we're not.

Why am I asking?
Guilt.
My partner would be taking a massive paycut to do this as well as effectively demoting himself. I would ask in the Living Overseas section but I suspect, particularly with Brexit as it stands, I will be asked what on earth I am doing.

But....there is no 'right' time to come home.
If we don't return now, then when?
I have no job here where we are, no pension rights, some friends but no real ties, my parents are not getting any younger, my son needs to come back to a school system where I can better advocate for him, my eldest is scared she won't be able to manage the A-level equivalent here, my partner and I have been unhappy here for a while now but are also aware of reverse culture shock and time is running out.

Any advice? Please be gentle with me, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place right now and trying to do the best for all my family.
I guess I am asking what you would do and whether any similar sized families can confirm that those figures are within our means (Not asking you to divulge your financials, simply whether you could live comfortably and within your means on that amount).
Thanks in advance

Has he spoken to his employers about a route back to the UK.
Most employers will work something out if they can to keep good staff.

Is there any opportunity to go back to the UK but for him to carry on his role but remotely or take a dual UK/EU role.

I think you are considering jumping into the fire from the frying pan. SEN provision in this country isn’t great and is getting worse. Social services are all getting cut. The benefits system, the nhs and public services are being dismantled. Cost of living is rising everywhere. Attitudes are changing and a lot of people are getting angry, intolerant and selfish.

Seriously racecar!? Its doable for most people!

Depends what your expectations are and housing costs etc. Where are you now? Depending on where youre moving from/to might affect whether quality of life will drop lots or not.

Is your house mortgage free? In the north you could probably buy bigger, or rent yours out and rent somewhere bigger. But I'd wait til you'd settled down.

It does sound like youre ready to leave (is your partner?) And youd only be drawing out leaving by staying.

That really isn’t doable

Median disposable family income in 2018 UK was 27.5K. ie most households were on significantly less than the OP projected income. In the NW the median would be lower than the national average since costs are lower.

OP whereabouts are you now? The calculation on when to return for expats depends partly on where you are now and what the longer term prospects are for family/children. Would you have to return at some point? Also if 55K top end of what is realistic for DHs skillset in the NW?

@NicolaStart I think the OP is saying they do not want to live overseas forever, and the longer they leave it to see their kids through school there, the harder it will be to find work in the UK in their 50s.

It's not really about Brexit at all, it's about knowing they want to come back and trying to choose the right moment bearing in mind they have 3 kids all with different educational needs. at different stages.

Yes OP?

That salary is absolutely doable in the north west - before I went back to work our family lived on that in the south west, albeit also in a small terrace.
Is this role with his current company? Any scope to move into consultancy in his field (around the 55k role if needs be to start) and increase income that way?

And also if youre coming back to uk educationits better earlier than later.

😂 MN really is a parallel universe sometimes, that's about double the average wage.

Can you come to the UK for a week perhaps and do a recce on areas you might want to live in?

NW is a pretty wide area- be more specific?

Have you explored Right Move for houses within say a 10 mile radius of where your DH has been offered his job?

Absolutely Brie!!!

Do it. Things may be a little bit tight financially, but it's manageable, and it's worth it for not being so unhappy and so worried about the future. Once you are settled back here I think you will find that although there may be some tough years, you will be able to look forward much more, because you'll know it's permanent.

If you don't move now, it sounds to me as though you would regret it much more.

I think you need to make a list of reasons and weigh them all up.

From what I can read, financial is the single reason not to return.

Everything else seems like returning is right. And you have a job offer in hand, right now.

I think you could manage on the finances, not a luxurious life in any way but you will be able to pay your bills. For me the welfare of your children is higher priority & it sounds like you will be happier here which is invaluable.

Is the job DH’s moving to secure?
Is it with a big firm, i.e. is there promotion prospect within that company, within say 2 years if he is outperforming the role?

Yes jingling, Brexit is a side-issue making moving more scary as an option. We are in Germany.

Family of 5 here living off £26,000 a year. In the south west. Rent is £900 a month. All our money goes on bills. Child benefit pays for nappies and extras.

I think all the issues your outlined (pension rights, education, elderly parents, lack of jobs for you) mean a demotion and pay cut is probably worthwhile.

You may end up paying to deal with those issues if you stay (private school, airfares to visit parents)

Also think about strengthening your ties back home and getting your dc settled as well as they start their adult lives close to you and your extended families. The intangible benefits.

I would decide it on the basis of the age of the older children. Eg if the girl is about to start A level equivalent she might well want to stay in the country that is now home to her anyway and the move might split your family for life. If she is 12 that might be a different matter particularly ilf you can get her into a very good school. It sounds like the child with special needs will have problems anywhere he goes so I would make the decison based on what is best for the older children not for the son.

I would base it on where it the best future for your older children. Also if they are basically British but been abroad just a year or two that is very different from they know no other world than that abroad, are teenagers and will hate you forever for parting them from their friends and mucking up their education and prospects for life.

Uni education is free in many EU countries unlike here, and I don’t see why that you’d have to stay in that country just because your DD is at uni there. Uni is a time for leaving home and spreading your wings. DD may also benefit from FOM once she leaves - she could live and work in any EU country, whereas if she’s here she will be limited to U.K. companies.

Tbh I think you would be mad to come back to the U.K. now. If we end up with No Deal we will be in a full on state of emergency within a month. Tariffs will push up food prices. Food and medical shortages are quite possible. Even if we end up with some version of Withdrawal Agreement - as long as we’re committed to leaving, just in time companies basically have transition to get out. Your DH may not work for any of these - but it will all have its effect on the economy.

I would hold off until you’ve some idea where this country is going.

brie and swimming which is why I was at pains to make it clear that I felt bad asking, knowing some are using food banks etc - I did not want to sound entitled and apologize if that's how it comes across but as we might not be dual income and we have 3 dependants - the youngest will not be 18 until I am already 60 and even then may never be fully independent...I just wanted others' views, especially as I do not now how Brexit will affect the cost of living there.

and it's worth it for not being so unhappy and so worried about the future.

Is anyone in this country now not worried about the future? Only the people who haven’t grasped the political and economic situation.

It's not 'time wasted' if you have all experienced a different country and two out of three children are fluent in that language.

Which language is it? And where in the northwest are you moving back to? (Knutsford/Ribble Valley/Penrith great, Accrington/Barrow etc maybe not such a draw...)

It seems that there are lots of family reasons why the time would be right for you to move. In the short term your living arrangements might not be what you would wish but my advice is bite the bullet and do it now while you can. £55.000 is an awful lot more than some families have to live on in the North West.
Would your husband have far to travel to work?

DoWe - I wasnt criticising you. You wouldnt be using foodbanks on half your salary! Just making it clear that many on mumsnet live on a lot of money and would see 55k as not a lot, whereas for persepctive its twice the national average.

So to see id you can live it depen what you mean by live!

Definitely food, bills, car(s), clothes, a holiday etc and some spare.
No to lots of foreign jetsetting every year and a ski holiday, eating out every night. Prob no to private school. Remember uni costs here too now.

Hence asking what it is you're looking for.
Saying ita twice the average wage isnt anything to do with foodbanks but a point of reference.

It may be double the average wage but it's 1 wage to support 5 people so that's kind of irrelevant when choosing whether to live on this as a 1 wage family or not.

Our joint wage minus childcare is a bit under that, we have 2 DC though.

Our mortgage is approx £1k pcm and while we aren't flush we aren't struggling either and could live on less if needs be

Hey OP. Family of 5 with a similar post tax and including maintenance and child benefit income here.

Our rent is £790 a month (London housing association). It’s tight and we manage.