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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the Duchess of Cambridge should be better advised

152 replies

viques · 22/01/2019 19:19

Because ok she has three kids and I think her life is pretty foul, but to whine to a group of women who are facing huge financial, emotional and physical problems in their lives daily that you find things " so hard" when you have solid family support, a full time nanny, housekeepers, cleaners, gardeners, two huge houses with no worries about mortgages repayments, paying for the weeks shopping, not having enough cash for the electricity etc etc is a tad insensitive.

OP posts:
Notmyrealname85 · 22/01/2019 20:36

A) think she was empathising and on a good point

B) she’s on ISIS hitlists, so no I don’t think she has a nice life

PineapplePower · 22/01/2019 20:37

Very tone deaf. I see it here a lot too. People chiming in on threads saying things like, ‘oh poor dear. Two jobs, single mum, no family around? I simply couldn’t do it and there’s two of us Flowers’

....but they’d have to, if they were unlucky to be in that position.

PineapplePower · 22/01/2019 20:40

I think she's a very driven and determined woman who does what she wants and on her own terms

Wow, where has she ever shown this in her life? Maybe her exercise regimen but not in the real world....

Villainess · 22/01/2019 20:42

B) she’s on ISIS hitlists, so no I don’t think she has a nice life

She's hardly cooped up indoors day in day out terrified ISIS are going to swoop. I'm quite sure being a very high profile royal brings its own stresses but the ISIS threat sounds more dramatic than it actually is.

JinglingHellsBells · 22/01/2019 20:43

Yes. YABU

You have no idea what her life is like.

ok she has help but equally, would you like to have to do all that handshaking when you felt ill perhaps, had period pains, had been kept awake by one of your 3 children? And have every inch of your figure, hair and make up discussed by the rags and Mumsnetters?

having 'domestic help' does not take away the emotional stress of having 3 kids.

Look at the Queen- 4 children, 3 divorced, scandals, deaths, misery.
No one gets through life unscathed no matter how rich they are.

Being jealous of someone with money is not mature.
You seem to think it solves everything.

It doesn't.

BirdieInTheHand · 22/01/2019 20:45

I don't imagine she spends her days sat on her arse with her feet up having contracted all the childcare to the staff.

She will experience the same fears, worries and stresses that many women do regardless of their money: exhaustion, distress at leaving your children for work and a loss of self.

Would you say a working mum with a nanny and the ability to pay her mortgage has no right to feel stressed out by motherhood? Are we really saying that only the poorest, most vulnerable women are allowed to express discontent?!

squeakyreptile · 22/01/2019 20:48

"Be kind. For everyone you know is fighting a battle you know nothing about". It isn't a competition.

PineapplePower · 22/01/2019 20:48

working mum with a nanny

This comparison is an insult to working mums with nannies. I hardly think that a few hours (at most) a week gladhandling at an event where all the details were planned ahead by staff counts as “full-time work”

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 22/01/2019 20:48

Let me preface this by saying, that I don't have a dog in this fight. I'm an American and could care less either way about the royals. I'm much more interested in Victorian or Edwardian Farm and the lives of regular British folk than the blue bloods.

Having said that, and let me also be perfectly clear, as I have no empirical evidence on which to base this, just a personal observation, probably because I paint, so I tend to study faces and memorize them. Certain attributes, emotions stick out to me.

Anyway, she always seems so sad to me. She reminds me of my Aunt Carol, on my fathers side (the British side) she was a secret drinker and smoker and was married to man who treated her like dirt. Not physically, abusive, but with contempt and neglect and silence.

She had a great sense of humor and a great huge laugh, but her smile never reached her eyes-not once. She was always well travelled and had an amazing career, she taught ballet. Was always well groomed. Impeccably manicured. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

It's just there are photos of the Duchess that I have seen, where it looks as if no one is looking, as if she's caught in a moment when she is caught off guard , and she looks so unbearably sad.

Maybe it's just me and my vivid imagination, I don't know. I don't know her and whether or not she's a nice woman. If she is nice, then I hope she's happy. It doesn't effect me either way. But boy, something in her eyes, just reminds me of my Aunt. They're not similar in appearance mind you, it's just something, something vague. A sadness I've seen before and have never forgotten.

wheresthehope · 22/01/2019 20:54

The woman cant win!
I wouldn't swap my life with hers even for a day!

Genevieva · 22/01/2019 20:55

O, you clearly read the tabloid headline and didn't see the news footage. She was explaining the need for the new parental helpline she was there to launch. She said that it is hard for parents, because there might be support in the early days after a baby is born, but when they are one, there isn't. Nothing about her in what she said at all. It is deeply problematic that tabloids focus on what she wears and distort what she says, when their focus should be on the charity she is visiting.

Iflyaway · 22/01/2019 20:58

a woman who had to parade her first born to the world on the lido wing steps to global media hours after she had pushed a human being out of her body!!

Well, she knew what she was signing up to.

Not saying she has it easy though. Wouldn't change places for the world. And I'm a single mum!

Pinkbells · 22/01/2019 20:58

Money, houses and nannies aren't a magic wand. She's allowed to say if she finds certain aspects of motherhood hard. We don't need to try to second guess what things are difficult for her (but I know I wouldn't trade my life with hers for anything). Well done her for speaking up.

Rudgie47 · 22/01/2019 21:02

Just look at William, any woman would find being with him hard. Theres only so much lying back and thinking of England a woman can do.

MrsTerryPratcett · 22/01/2019 21:03

I hate the royals so it pisses me off to defend them.

However, I used to hang out with some famous people. When I was younger. And the thing is that it seems fun for a while. All that attention, all that glamour. And then the more you do it the worse it seems. I was at a gig with a fairly famous actor. Every ten seconds someone would stop us "loved you in..." "loved you in..." "loved you in..." "loved you in..." "loved you in..." "loved you in..." "loved you in..." "loved you in..." Over and over again. And every time he had to smile, be gracious, make the person feel good about the meeting. Because they would remember it. And he's always going to have been in that film. Forever. And it plays on TV and people still talk about it. The attention is always there. Forever. And he's a target for weirdos, stalkers and groupies forever.

Now imagine how much worse that is when you can't go to a gig with a mate. When you're a kidnapping risk. Your CHILDREN are a kidnapping risk. A bombing risk. And you've had hellish HG in pregnancy and still have to gurn at the cameras just after giving birth. And god forbid you put on an ounce of weight.

It is shit. It's just gold-plated shit.

PineapplePower · 22/01/2019 21:04

Just look at William, any woman would find being with him hard

He always seems angry or irritated in photos. I do think he’d be difficult (I mean, he’s literally entitled Shock)

MeredithGrey1 · 22/01/2019 21:04

Not sure what event she said this at, but another point that could be taken from it is that when people are struggling mentally, often a big barrier to them seeking help is feeling like they shouldn’t be struggling, because other people have it worse or they worry they’ll be told “you should stop whining and be grateful”. For some of those people it might be a relief to hear it from someone like a duchess because then if she’s allowed to find it hard, anyone else can find it hard.

Villainess · 22/01/2019 21:04

Oh , Rudgie. You might end up doing a stint in the Tower for that remark.

(William wouldn't sparkle my tiara but tbh Kate always looks besotted with him)

Stuckforthefourthtime · 22/01/2019 21:07

Hahaha
*
She still has 3 young children with close age gaps, help or not she probably has enough of hearing "mum...mum...mummy.... MUMMY" 40 times a day from 2 whilst the other grumbles.*

Lady has TWO nannies and no full time job, and her mother lives with them a lot of the time. She also has household staff. I can guarantee she's not dealing with three at a time by herself often if ever.

formerbabe · 22/01/2019 21:08

ok she has help but equally, would you like to have to do all that handshaking when you felt ill perhaps, had period pains, had been kept awake by one of your 3 children?

Would you like to sit on a checkout, sit in an office for 8 hours, do the school run, clean the house, do the food shop if you felt ill, had period pain or had been kept awake by your children?

That's life

Hanuman · 22/01/2019 21:11

"
ok she has help but equally, would you like to have to do all that handshaking when you felt ill perhaps, had period pains, had been kept awake by one of your 3 children? "

This is funny! I work a demanding and professional job and manage that with period pains and night wakings. It is a lot harder than handshaking when you have a night nanny and full household staff...

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 22/01/2019 21:12

YABU just to say it about her. Her brother in law told a recently bereaved boy in NZ 'You know that life will always be alright.' I couldn't help thinking, well no, actually he doesn't and can't know that. He may not have access to the best schools and a legacy from his parent. I get what he was trying to say, but it just came across so badly. There's no denying that he and his brother probably experienced some emotional poverty, but that was mitigated to a certain extent by their material wealth, their surviving parent did not have to worry about the mortgage or getting time off to support his kids.

They are all really out of touch and this faux down with the peeps schtick they've gotten themselves into just keeps highlighting it.

Villainess · 22/01/2019 21:13

She's had a privileged life and is now living an extremely privileged life but her brother gave an interview a few weeks ago about his experience with depression. Depression crosses all socio-economic barriers.

GlitterStick · 22/01/2019 21:14

Because ok she has three kids and I think her life is pretty foul, but to whine to a group of women who are facing huge financial, emotional and physical problems in their lives daily that you find things " so hard" when you have solid family support, a full time nanny, housekeepers, cleaners, gardeners, two huge houses with no worries about mortgages repayments, paying for the weeks shopping, not having enough cash for the electricity etc etc is a tad insensitive.

OK, not RTFT, or indeed know when or where she was supposed to have said this, but I'll bite.
How the fuck do you know what her life is or isn't like?
Do you see the money, the privilege,and think "Oh, they're rich/have a nice house/nanny/ etc and think that's it? Don''t moan, because you're cushty?
All parents, regardless of circumstance,can find life hard sometimes. It's not a competition as to who has it harder.

and breathe

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 22/01/2019 21:16

MrsTP, I take your point for those born into it, less for spouses though, they knew all that before they got married and I don't just mean the current crop. I used find Diana carping on about not being able to go for Maccy Ds and to the department stores very irritating!